A
male
age
36-40,
*orick
writes:I am a gay guy (23) and I am in a relationship with the most perfect guy (22) I am just worried about him because I know he hurts. See I am out to my parents and everyone is very happy for us. But he is not out to his parents yet. He does want to tell his mother about him being gay and also about us. But the thing is, his friend told him the other day that his brother once asked his mother what she would do if he were to be gay? She said he should then pack his bags and then leaves. So his friend told him all this, and now he is so scared and uncomfortable around his mother. It really hurts him seeing as they are very close. I know how bad he wants to come out, he tells me alot that he wants to shout out to the world about us being in love. But he is afraid of being rejected and hurting is mother. And then also, someone told him that being gay is a sin and that you are going to hell if you are gay. It really upsets him and I wish I could make it easier.I love him dearly, please give me adviceYorick Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chachacha +, writes (1 March 2007):
Your friend doesn't have a problem - his mother has a problem.
He should tell her - the worst thing that can happen is that she carries out her threat, asks him to leave and never speaks to him again. But he would survive just fine, from a practical point of view.
But probably she doesn't want to lose him anymore than he wants to lose her. If she loves him, she'll get over it eventually, and she can help him by helping her to see that it makes him happy and that he is quite safe (often mothers worry about what their friends and neighbours will think, that their son will get a disease, that they'll be discriminated against, and so on - also mothers have little dreams for their kids which includes their wanting grandchildren and may blame him for denying her this, even though he might not have kids if he were straight and could have them even if he is gay).
A good line I once used on my mother was: you'd better get over this or you'll never see your grandchildren. In fact, I never had any children, but she didn't know that I wasn't going to! His mother doesn't know that he won't have kids, so he'll always have some hold over her that way.
If he does not tell her, he will always live in secret. The implications of this are that if something happened to him, say, you could not step forward as his partner.
As they say in Strictly Ballroom: " A life lived in fear is a life half lived"
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (27 February 2007):
 Your partner is an adult now, he's 22 years old. Does he hold a job? If he's working then maybe you both could find a place together... that would solve the problem. He should be thinking of doing his own thing now and at 22 years of age he should be independent enough to make his own decisions. HE is his own person and it would be nice if his mom could accept his choices in life but if she doesn't then sometimes its better to agree to disagree.
Regarding the gay issue of going to hell if you are gay? People talk such a load of crock shit sometimes don't they? lol How many priests/men of the cloth have you read about in the newspapers that have had affairs with other men, women and even children!!!! And they're some of the people teaching this stuff! "Let them that is WITHOUT sin cast the first stone" is what I say! My philosophy in life is this... as long as you are happy and are not hurting anyone else then do what you see fit!
If I were him I'd concentrate on moving into a place of his own (or with you) and leaving his mom's apron strings behind. Leave telling her for the time being and bring it up at a later date.
Eve
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A
male
reader, philipos +, writes (27 February 2007):
 hi this is a verry good question you have.it shows how much you love your boyfriend and it is painful to watch this situation, maybe you could talk to him and your own family and see if it would be ok for him to come and stay with you if worst comes to worst and incorege him to come out in his owne time and maybe be there with him when he dose.and as for homosexuality being a sin and all of us will go to hell for practessing it! well that is just something made by strate holy men and women to scare us what they dont seem to say in the same sence is that sex before marage is suposed to be one of thease big sins but will happly accept it so just let him know he's got nothing to worry about. i'm sure if your love for each other is strong then you'll get through it together
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