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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: This may seem like a weird question but I need to ask.I have a couple of friends, (not close "see all the time friends") that I see ever few 4-10 months or so, usually for coffee/lunch. After the initial "hi how are you, whats up", etc etc the conversation always ends up becoming kind of deep and meaningful, mostly about their family and work dynamics or politics/issues or issues with their personality relating to some of those people.Don't get me wrong! I like D and M conversations at times, but not every time I see these 2 people and always about the same things, its very draining.I just want to have a light hearted/usual conversation too, as well as any possible D and Ms not ALL D and Ms...I have tried to talk about other things also, tv, the news, what's going on now, music, movies, how one womans kids are, even the weather! etc etc,But its hard to get them to talk other than those D and M topics, and maybe even a little bit of them whining. Which we all do at times, I know.I don't see them often and we are almost like "good aquaintances" is this why they talk like this to me? unleashing so to say.. and yes I have done this too a few times in the past, but am trying now to be a more positive person (after yrs of being unhappy) to have more balanced convos with ppl, to be happy and make the best, not whine all the time.How can I ever have a conversation with them that isn't all D and M? I have tried, surely not every conversation has to be like this? hope you all understand what I mean.. I don't want to offend them.Please don't get me wrong I enjoy D and M convos,(with whoever wants to talk them) but not all the time, and not always about the same things, family, work etc, I realise these things are top in a person life. this makes it harder.It isn't like that with every conversation with the few other friends I have, or my work colleagues, family etc..No nastiness please, I'm just asking for help!Appreciate it.Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (26 February 2014):
 And if despite your suggestion that you stick to positive happy subjects, they go into the deep and meaningful stuff, you have my permission to suddenly find a reason to leave.
"Oh Sara, so sorry, I would love to stay and talk about the good things that are happening and am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with some things, but I have to leave, --I forgot to do x y or z. ---I'm late for a thing I promised. ---oh darn it, I forgot something that I simply HAVE to deal with, my bad, I miss you, let's reschedule!"
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 February 2014):
If you feel distressed and upset by meeting up with these women, then you have my permission to stop having dinners or lunches and deep and or meaningful conversations with them.
If you want light and bright and easy relationships with friends then model what you want in the places that make sense for you to meet people who want simple and not emotionally draining relationships.
So the next time you meet up for dinner with one of these women, just say brightly "I need a lift, life has been a bit blah recently and what I need most is a boost, let's be brave and upbeat and not talk about the depressing or maudlin!"
Set your boundaries, be kind and firm and you'll be fine.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2014): I understood you to mean their conversations are too deep for you and you also made seem they were together and carrying on conversation without you.
If you can't change the subject and don't like the conversation; then find different people to talk to.
Why would you continue to meet with these people, if they aren't really close or even friends? If they don't talk about what you want to talk about, why do you even bother being with them?
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthe other two people do not know each other! they have never met and never will! I see them on an individual basis, please read the question!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2014): We don't have to get along and be interested in everybody. It's just impossible, too many people are around us. The fact itself that you don't see them very often speaks for itself: you are not friends, and for a reason. People who I like I want to see at least once a month. I really want their company, and I call it friendship. I have several aquantanances who I see every 3-4 months. They are pleasant to me, but not that I want to see them more than that. I have one group of girls that I go out with 5-6 times a year, and I don't see them in between. We ussualy have lots of fun that night, but then not that much in common otherwise, may be we didn't give us a chance who knows. Nevertheless, when we do see each other, we do share many things. We talk about dates, and guys, nephews and nieces, moms and dads. We talk what's around us in a world, and we complain. Not everyone of us is positive all the time, and frankly I think it's just a pretending to be all the time happy with everything that's going on around. We like this dynamic and looking forward to share our stories. The fact that you don't like their way of communication tells me one thing: you just don't like them very much. The "friendship" chemistry is not there. I learned over the years to stay away from such form of socializing. If it doesn't give me pleasure,what's the point? That actually helped not to waiste my time on people whom don't fancy and surround myself with people that I really like.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2014): Just like any relationship, compatibility counts.
The other two have a connection that you don't seem to be in-sync with. They only talk about what they like to talk about. You only see them in 4-10 month intervals. They're catching up with deep subjects that apparently happen to be their particular interests.
Maybe these are not really friends; but just "friendly acquaintances" who like to get together to talk about deep and meaningful topics. You're not very close; so cozy superficial conversation and light topics just don't interest or stimulate the others.
They may stay in-touch with each other more often; than with you. That would make you the C to their A & B conversation.
Sounds as if they want to be more intellectual than social. Maybe they're just not your cup of tea. Honestly, they sound a little dreadful. You and I would probably have more fun topics to share.
Maybe if you did something together like a spa day or
shopping, you wouldn't feel caged into their D and M
conversations. Invite someone you feel closer to; to balance the conversation. Two by two will give you more leverage to swing and variate topics.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 February 2014):
 I think if you talked to them more often it would be lighter conversations.
However, I think they BOTH are showing how much they REGARD you as a friend by involving you in their problems and whatnot. That is what friends are for, yes?
Maybe what you need to learn is how to take control of a conversation without being obvious.
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