A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello Aunts and thank you in advance for any advice. Well Im 24 years old my husband is 27 and we have been married for 2 years. Well this week i found out I am pregnant this will be the first child for both of us. I was shocked to find out I was pregnant because when we were actively trying it wouldn't happen but this month we only had intercourse 3 times and I know the date of conception. My problem is i don't know if I am having the right reaction. I feel excited scared nervous, and scared again. By the way im 4 wks along. I want to feel happy but i just can't because I keep thinking of what if something happens. I worked in an emergency room and I know how common miscarriages are so Im really really worried even though i try not to worry. Are these normal feelings? and also I showed my husband the pregnancy test as my way of telling him. His reaction surprised me because he was like "Oh when did it happen" he wanted me to get pregnant right after we got married so I though he would be all excited and jumping for joy. He didn't give me a hug or anything until i told him "wow thats your reaction" then he gave me a hug. He just acts like our lives haven't just changed for ever. Is that normal? Thank you to anyone who has read my rambling
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female
reader, Caring Stranger  +, writes (22 February 2010):
 im glad to hear you are communicating really well together! good luck with your appointment and take good care of all 3 of you xxx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your advice it was really helpful. The other day I asked my husband if he was excited and he said he was but he just was nervous and worried too. So, we have been trying to get each other to relax and think about happy things like choosing a nursery and strollers. My first appt is on March 17th so hopefully we will relax by then. thank you again.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2010): I'm 11 weeks - some days i couldn't be happier and other days i find myself crying thinking i've ruined my life however despite the ups and downs of emotion - i think its normal to not know how to act therefore just deal with it the best you can and the way that makes sense to you. Plus you are very early so more attachment comes i imagine once that baby bump is more obvious. Its okay to be scared - i am scared witless too but not only of losing but of having the baby too - tis a weird feeling. You may have just taken hubby by surprise - i think he'll come around :)
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female
reader, slipperyslope1234  +, writes (21 February 2010):
This is totally normal. I am 14 weeks pregnant and still scared out of my mind! Just remember, don't focus on the things you can't control... or try!!! There is so much that could happen, though probably won't, it's still in the back of our minds!! I've had some good crying spells thinking of all the things I feel paranoid about at times (being a good mom, etc.) and the best advice I received is to live day by day and distract yourself from negative thoughts any way you can! Worrying will only help you feel worse. I know, I'm still trying to take this advice myself! Also, for men AND women it takes a while for the news to sink in, whether it was planned or not...congratulations! Be patient with yourself and your doubts...very, very normal!
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female
reader, Caring Stranger +, writes (21 February 2010):
I do not want you to worry about either of your reactions to this. This is sooooooo normal. Im training to be a midwife (nearly qualified)and i have seen this time and time again. Many people do not feel happy about their pregnancy until after the first 12 weeks. Yes, there are lots of things that could go wrong but these dont happen as often as you think and many many many people go on to have gorgeous beautiful healthy babies.
It was a shock to find out you are pregnant and you are still coming to terms with it. Remember that you now have a whole bunch of new hormones surging through you so your mood is going to constantly change throughout the pregnancy. THIS IS NORMAL!!!
your husband doesnt have the hormones but im sure he is feeling all of the same emotions as you. he is probably secretly happy, nervous, scared, excited....loads of things. talk to each other! You are a married couple who want a baby and you are now about to take the most exciting journey of your lives...enjoy it!! if you have any more questions then feel free to message me! :-) xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): First of all, congratulations! This is completely normal and everything is going to be just fine, going by your reactions to conceiving. It is very normal to be more concerned than excited, because your maternal and his paternal instincts are kicking in before the baby actually comes, and that's great. You'll do just fine as parents, then, and that's the reality of children is that yes, they are a huge responsibility and not just a gift of joy, though they truely are gifts of joy. It's normal to be scared with the first one, and to stress out before anything has happened. Just remember your husband is as overcome and afraid as you are, so let him act that way, it's normal. My wife and I were the same way, and there was even some tension between us afterward, but things are going well, you just have to not judge each other, and learn when not to talk..mainly, have patience with each other, and understanding, and things will be fine. Raising babies, especially the first few months can be testing on a relationship, so just stay strong and don't lose faith in yourselves through the rough spots. You'll even lose some freedoms in your life, but it's a beautiful gift and blessing you gain in return, so cherish your family without letting it break apart, and be strong when your husband isn't. But don't let him become lazy either, make him do his part so you don't burn out as a mother, and things will work out great. If you have any questions at all about raising babies or about miscarriage and losing a baby, please pm me, and never be too scared to be a parent. Also, yes, miscarriage may very well happen, and over and over again, and then you might finally have one, but that's very very very common nowadays, so don't give up if it occurs. Good luck with that part, and just pray.
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (21 February 2010):
I think you sound shocked more than anything. People take pregnancy in different ways. Sometimes a person hears that they should be jumping around. You're nervous. Your reaction is in fact more normal than anything else. Also, remember it has been a lot of work for you both. You tried for two years and then it just happened. I think you're both perfectly normal. It's all right to be nervous and shocked about it all. Just continue to do everything the doctor tells you, make sure you're as relaxed as possible and you'll be fine. Good luck :).
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