A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a guy for just over a year and, by and large, am very happy. I have a young son (single parent), and he is now in full-time education which is great.I am a single parent and get one weekend off a month, when my son spends time with his father. The guy I am seeing lives on his own.This is my only 'time off', as my parents are not in the best of health and (to be honest) are too busy to be around that much - which is entirely their right of course!.My problem is, that the guy I'm seeing insists on either coming up to see me, or paying for a train ticket down to see him so we can spend 'quality time' together without my son being around. In an ideal world this would be great but, and for me it is enormous, I need the downtime when my son is away, to recharge my batteries and get some sleep knowing I won't be called in the night.I was looking forward to Christmas/New Year when I would have had the entire week to myself but the guy is now saying how he'll come up and spend it with me. Even though I have told him flat out that I am spending it alone, he still insists that he will come up 'and keep me company' I have even suggested that I spend Christmas here, and take a couple of days with him at New year, but that led him to suggest that he come up at Christmas and then takes me back down south with him for New YearI really do like the guy very much, and can appreciate why he would prefer my son not to be around, every time we see each other but he has known from the start I am a single parent. I can also appreciate that his situation is the entire opposite of mine, as he lives alone.The long and short of it is I haven't had any time to myself for months, now, and I am getting ........ this close to telling him it is over just so I can get some rest.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear anon, you are either superwoman or not a single parent :-P. While my son is with me, I am on call 24/7. I don't sleep particularly well as I am the only person who is around to see to his needs, should he wake up Two nights a month, maximum, is all the time I can call my own, in which to have proper down time. If I don't get this downtime, I am horrible to be with.
I do like this chap very much, and I do want a relationship with him, but at the same time I need me time. I have no objection to him coming up, or me going down, while my son is around.
As we live nearly 3 hours away from each other part-time is all it is anyway.
I am not a massive people person and the way I recharge is by being by myself; he was a friend before he was a lover, and knows this. He did 'allow' me to have a week to myself (allow? that in itself is wrong) and I loved every single second of being alone. Spending the second week with him was great, and I almost had enough energy too. But, when it comes down to it, I need to to myself. I would rather walk away from any relationship which was making me tired to the point of almost being physically sick. Which is pretty close to where I'm at right now.
So, yes I am being horribly selfish - but for very good reasons.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2013): Maybe you should let him know that you only want a part time boyfriend.
Being a parent is a lifetime job so what you're saying is you can't really have a longterm relationship with him. Presumably when people enter a relationship they are working towards a future together unless stated otherwise... So he is not asking for the moon here. He only wants to spend some time with his girlfriend when she's relaxed and when she's not on call as a parent.
It doesn't sound like you're serious about him.
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A
female
reader, llifton  +, writes (13 December 2013):
 have you straight out communicated to him that your alone time is a necessity for you? i mean, have you *really* explained it to him, rather than just mentioning wanting to see him at new year? my point is that maybe he just thinks you're saying you two can see each other after christmas to not inconvenience him. and so he's pushing it perhaps to be a gentleman and spend his time with you. maybe he doesn't understand it's legitimately because you want space for your sanity.
if you haven't straight out explained it to him, then try. it could just be as simple as a misunderstanding.
anyway, good luck and i wish you the best!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (12 December 2013):
 woops, to continue
either you stick to your original plans or he accepts your compromise of you having Christmas to yourself and New Year with him, or he has nothing. His choice. Don't let him railroad you into something you don't want.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (12 December 2013):
This guy is in it for the sex only, if he was seeing a long term relationship he would also be seeing you when you are in the role of mother ...... as you are a packaged pair.
Wowee for the guy, a whole week of unfettered sex with no kid around ...........
Too bad for you, a whole week without your child where you could regroup and do stuff for yourself and this guy is insisting on telling you how it will be.
Be firm, place the options before him, either you stick with your original plans of spending the week alone, or he goes with your
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