A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid. This is the first time I have written on one of these sites but I felt I need some help. I have been married now for around 31 years and whilst we generally get on the sparkle as gone. Sex life is non existant and we have now both have other interests which are not in common with other. Around 20 years ago we made friends with various couples after going to dancing. Ten years ago I came across a girl who I had known from our social nights and immediately became attracted to her. We started texting each other and one thing led to another and the relationship became physical. She herself had been married for around 20 years at the time. Over the last 10 years we have seen each other only really for coffee but we have had a few physical times as well. Well the issue is that around 7 years ago unknown to me she had divorced her husband and got remarried to someone else I only found out recently by pure chance on social media. This really as broken my heart. More that she did not end the relationship when she had met this new person but she had managed to get divorced meet someone get married and at the same time she was still seeing me.I asked her to explain why she did not tell me but she will not discuss it. As I such strong feelings for her I have tried to accept this and we have been seeing each other. I am so in love with her and I am experiencing emotions that I have never had. I feel very hurt and upset and have on occasions burst into tears on my own. I cannot sleep and I am thinking about her every day and I feel very isolated as I cannot express my feeling or tell my wife. Looking at other sites it would seem that I should end the relationship and As of late she as been very distant and does not really show emotions like she did so i feel that she wants to end this. I really don't know how too handle this at all. I know I have had an affair and that was completely wrong but I cannot be blamed for falling in love with another person. I also feel that if was to walk away form my marriage as its not been fair on my wife that maybe if I meet someone new it will be hard for me to trust them and also hard to love someone else when I am so in love with this girl. I know you may say I should work on my own marriage but I feel now that we have grown apart and I have never loved my wife like I love the girl I have an affair with. I know that this is all my fault but I cannot handle the feelings I am having. I think the best way of describing how I feel is one of grief when some as died. Please help if you can
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 August 2016):
 You should be honest with your wife and leave her if you do not love her anymore. Also if it was ten years ago, then if you loved her why did you not tell her you would leave your wife for her? It sounds like she did not feel the same way about you as you did for her. If she is refusing to talk to you about it, then it is clear she has nothing to say to you. So therefore really the only thing you can do now is be honest with yourself and your wife. You may not be to blame for falling in love with another woman, but you did have an affair and lie to your wife for the last decade, to me your wife deserves better.
A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (21 August 2016):
 Hi
There's something I don't get!?
If you were,and still are so crazy about her, why didn't you leave your wife at the time? You said this was ten years ago.
You only had sex a few times in all those years so it must have been casual if the only other thing you did together aside from sex was have coffee.
It's a huge buzz having an affair . Now it's over and there's a void there needing to be filled and I think you're filling it with drama in your head that is out of proportion to what happened.
I think this is why you feel so strongly right now.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (21 August 2016):
 You can't be blamed?
And it's not fair on your wife if you walked away?
WHY?
Does your WIFE not deserve to be treated with honesty and respect? Does she DESERVE to be lied to? Cheated on? Does she not deserve to be happy with someone who LOVES her?
Honestly? I will try and not be too harsh, but I think you are utterly selfish.
You met and cheated with a married lady whom you had NO CLAIM on, as she was married and SO are you.
She MET someone SHE wanted to be with, who WASN'T married. Someone who didn't just USE her for a "friendly fuck and pseudo GF". WHICH is what YOU did. She knew she had no future with you. That YOU wouldn't leave your wife.
However she still got something out of whatever you two had.
Why are you butthurt? you have nothing to offer for real. You are married, bound to someone else. And... she probably know that YOU might cheat on HER given the opportunity.
Consider talking to your wife LET HER decide if she wants to stay with a cheating husband who apparently doesn't really love her that much.
I have such a hard time finding sympathy for you. Because you have none for your wife. You want to stay out of convenience and because as long as she doesn't know, you won't look like a bad guy.
I GET that married people fall out of love, and meet interesting, attractive people they RATHER be with... but then that MARRIED person should have the RESPECT and COMMON DECENCY to divorce BEFORE they start an affair.
As for the woman you had an affair with, yes I think the "thing" you two had has run it's course. I think she is done with you, but have not found a way to tell you.
ACT like a grown up and TALK to your wife as a GROWN up, let HER decide if she wants to stay with you or of she feels like she deserves better.
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