A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been in this relationship for 4 yrs now. And ive basically hit the wall of frustration to where I don't know what to do anymore. My guy and I used to have the most amazing fairytale relationship. Everything was perfect. Then months pass by and I find out hes going behind my back cheating on me, lying to me and even had a 2nd phone hidden to be able to chat with other women. That changed the fairytale relationship into basically straight up hell. He wasn't there for me to help me thru all the pain and heartache when I basically begged him for the help. He just got annoyed at me and would yell at me. Which would make me feel drastically pushed away and that I wasn't worth his time any. So I did everything I could possibly do to get thru it all on my own. Due to having to do it like that and years passing by. I still have thoughts pop into my head that hes being sneaky again with some of the things he does. So instead of assuming and accusing him, I ask him questions to alleviate the evil thoughts trying to take over my brain that hes up to something. He doesn't seem to understand why "im not over all the junk since its been years". For the past 2-3 years Ive been dealing with him being a very angry person that I basically cant even talk to. He assumes Im accusing him and he snaps into this very uncontrollable screaming insults for no reason. He drinks a lot so it kind of adds fuel to the fire. It wasn't until I voice recorded a conversation we had without him knowing and I played it for him. He could hear 1st hand how calm I was trying to talk to him and then he could also hear how angry, loud, and the mean things he would yell at me for no reason. Before the recording was done playing he asked me to stop playing it cuz it made him sick to hear himself be like that. He realized that for the past 2-3 yrs that hes the fault everything has gone to hell and hes been yelling at me for no reason at all. He feels bad about it and started to change for the better ever since. Until the past cpl days where "Mr. A" has come back to visit. He tells me its an uncontrollable thing that happens in his head. We just got into a huge fight last night due to him assuming I was accusing him of something when I honestly wasn't. I even told him that. But he still continued to yell and turn red in the face from anger. Ive done everything I can possibly due thru the past cpl years to hold us together and make the relationship better while getting yelled at for no reason a lot thru that time. Its been insanily frustrating but I still haven't given up due to the fact that I really am in love with the guy. Ive been trying to help him become a better man that he used to be when we first met. His drinking is outta hand so I got fed up with it all 1 day and got the number for al-anon and slid him the number and said he needs to call it to get some help. He already says hes an alcoholic. Im beginning to believe that he is very bipolar and being an alcoholic also isn't helping at all. I love him and want to help him change back into the better man he used to be before he began to cheat on me. Am I just plain stupid for keeping myself in this relationship or is it usual to want to do all you can to help the person you love? I am so frustrated and just don't know what to do anymore. Please help!!!!
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female
reader, Lost girl1417 +, writes (30 August 2016):
Time for you to give up...he's taking advanage of you.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2016): "Ive been trying to help him become a better man that he used to be when we first met."The person he is now is the person he was when you met; he was putting on a facade so he could lure you in and earn your trust. "Im beginning to believe that he is very bipolar and being an alcoholic also isn't helping at all."I believe you're looking to make excuses for him, he is very likely NOT bipolar but just another controlling, verbally drunken scumbag. "I love him and want to help him change back into the better man he used to be before he began to cheat on me."You can't change him into something he isn't, never was or ever will be. Besides he has no reason to want to change as he knows he can do anything he wants because he knows you'll buy any excuse or rationalization for his abhorrent behavior."Am I just plain stupid for keeping myself in this relationship . . ."I wouldn't say you're stupid but I do suspect you're incredibly naive, gullible and/or desperate to cling to such a dysfunctional relationship.I suspect you may be so starving for male attention that you'll latch on to any lowlife because the only thing worse than him verbally abusing you would be him ignoring you. " . . . or is it usual to want to do all you can to help the person you love?"You seem to have a very unrealistic fantasy-based idea of what love is, and doing everything you can to help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
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