A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am feeling completely lost. Love, sex, all of it is a maddening mystery to me. I'm in first year university, I've been here for a little over two months, and, contrary to many of my old hopes and dreams, it feels a lot like high school.I'm still a virgin, I've never had a girlfriend, and I have no idea how to go about remedying either situation. I figured things would be different in college. Meeting new people all the time, most of them smart, you'd think it would be easy to find someone with whom you just 'click' as they say. And failing that, you'd think going to parties where people get drunk and socialize would be a fast track to sex--and it is, just not for me. I go to parties, I get a little buzzed, and I have no idea what to do next. I try to strike up conversations with girls, but it doesn't go anywhere. They end up walking away, and a few minutes later they're leaving with some guy I once thought looked as hopeless as me.I find myself asking advice of people whenever it seems conversationally suitable (or right here on the internet). I get into hour-long dialogues with people who seem to be fountains of insight, but in the end it just seems completely unhelpful.So many people say that something will happen when I meet the right person, that there's this magical knowledge that overwhelms you and you just fall into something. But it never gets any more specific than "it just happens" or "you just know." What if I really won't just know? What if my lack of understanding and experience renders me incapable of recognizing this thing? What if it happens and I just miss it? What if I already have? Or what if it never happens? What if I just never meet the right person?I want to throw those questions at all the people who tell me about this magical feeling, but they usually say something along the lines of "you'll meet someone. Just wait." And then I'm just happily reassured, too dazedly optimistic to realize that there's no way these people could possibly know that.As you may have guessed, I really would like to know what it's like to be in love, to have someone constant like that. But I would settle for meaningless sex in a minute if the opportunity presented itself. I get so sick of hearing about everyone doing doing it with their girlfriends, doing it at a party, doing it in interesting ways and disgusting ways and hilarious ways. Who are these people and why are they doing it? Why them and not us?Please help me, for I am truly lost.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Quattro  +, writes (7 March 2011):
1. Anonymous male, 18-21:
I've noticed that this is a more common problem than I thought, there are quite a few men, including myself, who've posted messages about this on this forum.
How about us all setting up a separate discussion/support group, maybe on Yahoo, or on this forum if it allows such groups?
2. mizz butterflies:
There may not be anything wrong with this young man.
I am in my 50's and I've never had a girlfriend. That's partly because of my background, I was an only child who lived with my parents until they died.
I've always been a decent man, I've never spoken about women in a derogatory way, I've never watched pornographic films or bought pornographic magazines, I'm not the type of man who'd try to rush a woman into bed or cheat on her.
When I was young, in the early 1980's, people told me I was good looking. I have always dressed smartly, I've never been a drinker or smoker, I have been vegetarian and vegan for the last 30 years, and I swim and jog, so I've always been fit and athletic.
I am well educated, dress smartly, and I have always spoken to women in a polite and intelligent way, never in a rude or sexually suggestive way, but over the years, many of the women I've tried to make friends with have been snooty or stuck up, or have given me dirty looks. They haven't got to know me or find out what kind of man I am because they haven't given me half a chance.
I've known or worked with men who speak disparagingly about women and cheat on them, yet they have no trouble finding girlfriends.
Have you ever thought that sometimes the problem may be with the attitudes of some of the girls/women that boys/men encounter?
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies  +, writes (5 November 2010):
 read articles online on how to 'woo' women. buy books :)
watch videos (they have flirt strategies etc)
what did u think sweety?one day ur gonna go to college and click with a girl immediately? it doesnt happen that way.
not having a gf..EVER should ring the little alarm system u have inside u and ask urself WHATS WRONG WITH ME? maybe nothings wrong but then again who doesnt need improvement?
ask urself
1) do u know how to talk to ANY girl?
2) if u like a girl,how will u proceed on asking her out?
3) how will u act on the first date?
4) do u know how to dance?
5) do u make girls laugh?or ur boring?
6) will women be attracted to u?if not,what can u do to make urself more appealing?
Now....proceed to do what it takes to get all 6 points covered. Recruit ur friends,seek advice online,FOCUS on ur goal and work on it. nagging hasnt helped anyone althou acknowleding the problem is the first step to solving it.well done.
...............................
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