A
female
age
,
*illette
writes:I know I'm right but someone please knock some sense into me. I'm in a relationship, we don't live together but I spend a lot of time at his house. Work everyday and come home to him sitting on the couch everyday watching tv and has done nothing all. My mom has dementia and is now moving to an assisted living facility, my family and I have been trying to pack up her apartment and Saturday is the final day to get it done, my daughter is also moving to a new place on Saturday and I'm trying to help her also, and she just had surgery for some serious issues and I have to take her into to Boston on Monday for more test, oh and I have to work on Sunday, my boyfriends car has a two month old rejection sticker and he has made no effort to fix it, I have tried to make suggestions for a plan all week to get the car done, no results, last night I said lets make a decision on what to do with your car because I wont be around,for reasons I just stated, that was met with rude comments and insults, I'm selfish, how could I leave him stranded, etc, all day while I was working and he wasn't the rude texts kept on coming, total insanity, I'm exhausted, totally all about him and I should be grateful that I have the chance to tell him where to go, so why am I upset?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2017): I'm sorry about your father, and hope you have some form of faith you can turn to for strength and comfort.
As for feeling rotten. You won't feel better until you're out of that environment and away from him. Breaking-up or separating doesn't feel good. You left during a an angry exchange; but you needed to see him showing his true colors. Otherwise; you would have second-guessed yourself, or talked yourself into staying.
Many people stay far too long in a bad situation; and they don't leave until all hell breaks loose. I'm afraid this was the final-straw, and you've got no choice. It's not the ideal way to part with someone; but you needed that final push.
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (9 October 2017):
 I guess you feel rotten because you lost your temper and you probably wanted to do it calmly and explain it to him properly. You also probably feel rotten because he was horrible and nasty to you. I am glad you have stayed strong and am sorry to hear about your father hopefully he gets the treatment he needs. You don't need this low life in your life who calls you offensive names and treats you like this. You deserve better, he is not a nice person and you are far better away from him.
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A
female
reader, Gillette +, writes (9 October 2017):
Gillette is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI let some time go by without communicating with my boyfriend, and when I finally did go back to talk to him I realized I don't even want to be in the same room as him, so I handle things in the worst way possible, I was so emotional beat and among all the other things that are going on with my life, just found out my dad was diagnosed with cancer, I blew up and said that I don't want to be with you anymore, as I got my things together to leave I was subject to a horrible round of verbal abuse, all the nasty, rotten things he could say about me he did, I am relieved beyond words that it is over, so why do I feel rotten about how I handle it?
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (2 October 2017):
I really hope you do take your own advice and end things with him. You deserve much better than this. He sounds selfish. He should be supporting you through the hard time you are having helping your mother and daughter. You sound like the type off person that gives all the time and never receives. Start looking after yourself and put yourself first. Also be proud off yourself for being their for your mother and your daughter.
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A
female
reader, Gillette +, writes (2 October 2017):
Gillette is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your input, it was very helpful, My moms apartment is all cleaned out and my daughter is settled in her new apartment, last thing is taking her to Boston for her appointment, although exhausting, I haven't corresponded with him in anyway and accomplished so much without the added stress of selfish whining, I have no intention of speaking with him again, this wouldn't be the first time he has been rude and selfish to me, I'm not to blame for his bad choices, so let him think what he will, I deserve better, and he will never change, thanks again everyone.
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male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (29 September 2017):
You are upset because too many women are trained to put everyone else, including sorry losers like this one ahead of themselves.
You deserve better than this guy. You're not married to him, you don't live together but you do everything for him and you get dog's abuse for it.
Tell this jerk to pound sand and don't look back.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (29 September 2017):
 I agree with WiseOwlE and YouWish,
You are a nurturer by nature, you take care of people, make sure they are OK - that is the norm. Unfortunately, your BF wants a mother more than an equal partner.
A GROWN man WHINING that you are leaving him stranded because his car isn't running and you HAVE a life? Is he serious?
HIS car HIS problem. It's that simple. You tried to give him a push to get it done, but OP you are NOT his mother and he is definitely OLD enough to know what needs to be done, he just didn't want to do and he wants you to cater to him.
He is being unreasonable and you are being too "motherly". Probably because of your nature. Making sure everything is running smooth and everyone is happy... except you. You come last all the time. Often how things are for mothers.
I agree that you need to DO your thing with your daughter, get her moved spend time with her and TOTALLY ignore if he starts to whine.
When you are done with the move GIVE your self a couple of days AWAY from him, go home to your place after work and CHILL. Think about the relationship. Are you fulfilled being with this man? Or is he "just" an added "child", added responsibility and "burden" MORE than he is a PARTNER?
He is a GROWN man. His car, his problem.
Dial back on being his "mother".
When you go see him after work do you also do the cooking while there, clean up, clean and generally fuss over him? If so... You should stop. Because he is taking you for granted. He isn't giving anything back. It becomes a bad "habit" to do everything for everyone, so the second thing you need starting to do, is to say " no can do."
Helping your mom move and your daughter move, I get that I would do the same. But him? Unless he has no legs, no arm - why do you have to do everything for him?
There is take-out if he can't go to the store. And there is taxi service/Uber he can use as well.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (29 September 2017):
 Leave him stranded! He's your boyfriend, not your husband, and his rejected car are the fruits of his inactivity. You have your life to live, and he has his. You don't live with him, so fit him in on YOUR schedule. If he wants mobility, he needs to take steps to achieve it on his own.
You did the right thing by telling him that you have a full plate and can't be his chauffeur 24/7 as you have a job and a mother to take care of. Even if you didn't, being a girlfriend does not obligate you to become your boyfriend's personal Uber driver.
If he keeps carrying on, next step is to stop going over to his house. Your time is valuable. He should be getting into HIS car and going to where YOU are anyways!
So don't say one more word about his car. No more "reminding" him about ANYTHING. Let his own negative consequences (i.e. not having a ride, not seeing you much, not being able to run errands) be the best "nagger" he has. He can't accuse his own immobility of nagging him like he's doing to you. Just get on with your life!
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female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (29 September 2017):
 OP you need to realize that this man is grown. Even though he acts like a needy spoiled brat, he is a grown man who should be left to make his own decisions.
Quite frankly, I think that you're trying too hard with him and that's why you're exhausted despite all that is currently happening in your life.
The fact of the matter is that he's really selfish if all he does is take take take and whine all the time because quite clearly you have a lot to deal with this weekend and in my opinion, if he cannot or will not try to understand that, then, you should not be with someone like him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2017): You're a caretaker. You try to be everybody's go-to person, and you try to care for everybody. I think you should focus on getting your daughter in for her tests; and let that grown-man take care of himself. You can't be everybody's mother. Your mother will soon be situated; and that will be one less responsibility.
Who's twisting your arm about his inspection-sticker? If he can't move his car, he'll finally get off his ass and do something about it. Stop nagging him and ignore it. If he needs to get to work or has to get around; he'll find his way around to it.
What's wrong with you? How much older do you have to be to know better?
Your life is yours to do with it as you choose. If you choose to stick your nose in everybody's business; you'll exhaust yourself.
All you have to do is look at the situation and how you feel. Need I really say more?
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