A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey auntsI think for the first time in my life I'm getting jealous of other people's relationships. I'm 24 and had 1 boyfriend and I'm extremely embarrassed by it. I know that having a boyfriend isn't all of that but my relationship only lasted 5 months and we broke up due to him going to a college in another state. I'm a beautiful young lady, I don't have low self-esteem, I'm funny, I'm very hard working, I love helping people, I love to shop, I'm a very girly- girl and I'm in shape. I know looks aren't everything but I don't understand why I'm always single. I tired online dating, it was ok but after going through 5-10 guys ( no sex ) it wasn't good, there was other guys but they wanted sex so I didn't bother. I gave up on that. I'm in college and all guys do is stare at me, than if they approach me they always say it looks like I'm in a long term relationship which is no where true. My friends have boyfriends who they say their going to marry, one of them even said they know their going to get married before me because I'm always single. That hurt my feelings, because I love to see people happy and if your not I will try to help you get happy. I stay with my sister and her boyfriend is always over which I don't mind but I wouldn't mind having someone in my life. And my friends always want to go on couple dates which I don't attend. It's very easy for me to meet other single girls but they get a boyfriend a couple of months later. Like my goodness am I jinxed? Am I supposed to be that single friend? I tired to lower my standards and it didn't last long. I'm starting to feel I don't deserve to have a boyfriend. My 1st boyfriend who moved away, I really liked, the relationship was great and I wish he would come back, but we havent talked in 5 months but he would tell me he will always want me. But I can't make him come back. I refuse to have a friends with benefits, It's not for me. I tired older guys but it wasn't good, they either had to many kids, or too old like 35 and older or married which is a huge no no. I tired waiting for the one but I don't believe in waiting anymore. I know I'm young and I have time and I shouldn't rush but I didn't have 20 boyfriends. I don't want my friends relationships to end but they dont understand how i feel so I try to stay happy for them. All they keep saying I should wait but I'm embarrassed enough.Any tips on getting a boyfriend? Its a really cute guy in my class but all we do is stare at eachother, I don't sit next to him so how could I start up a conversation? Its more cute guys in the hallways but once again they Stare which is making me feel like I have tissue on my shoe or something? I got a gym membership and it's a cute guy there but he be so into his work out, It's hard to start up a conversation with him. So ladies or guys any tips I would appreciate or feedback on if I'm doing anything wrong. Please and thank you!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2015): YouWish pretty much said it all. I have something to add from my own experience where you are.
One of the things that I found when in a similar frame of mind; is you tend to be too conscious of your independence when you're around a lot of couples. It's a constant reminder that you're alone. You shouldn't allow your mind to dwell on it, and your down-time from dating should be used for self-improvement, meditation, and enjoying your creative side. Go on an adventurous vacation by yourself.
You need to get your mind off the fact you don't have a boyfriend; but you do have friends. Stop letting your girlfriends goat and annoy you with their showing-off. They do that purposely. People like having what you don't, especially if you let them know it bothers you. You're pretty, and they envy that. So they will do or say things to lower your self-esteem; or make you feel self-conscious. Keep that in mind around other females. It's bitchiness. They like doing that to the single and attractive females they know. I don't know why. It's insecurity and jealousy, I guess. "I got a boyfriend, and you don't. You're so pretty, why don't you have one?"
Because timing and destiny has someone in the making for you, and that time hasn't come. So bide your time, sweetheart!
A nice guy usually shows up and you meet by chance. That's how it happened for me. It seemed elusive when I searched, and didn't happen until I stopped. I guess that vibe of neediness or desperation may have dissipated once my subconscious-mind didn't worry so much about it. I was happy with doing fun things, I took a vacation, and reconnected with some family and old friends.
One day I was at the plant center at a home improvement outlet; and a guy kept staring at me. He noticed some unusual flowering plants in my cart, and asked me where I got them. I knew he was just striking up conversation.
He's now my boyfriend. We just had a lovely evening in New York City together. After a year and a half of healing from being dumped. I just needed time to work on myself. Refresh my entire outlook, and restore my self-confidence. And...get a new attitude. You're your own best friend. So encourage yourself! Be positive. It shows and it glows!
So keep your head full of positive thoughts, so your facial expressions and body-language are not sending out negative vibes that show wear and tear from old relationships past. That's what did it for me. It comes across that you seem to be in a relationship, when your mind hasn't fully let go of past failed connections. That was your protective aura and shield you had when you were taken. It lingers if you hold on to unresolved issues about the breakup. Trust me, I know.
I really hope this makes sense. I hope it helps.
Best of luck, my dear!
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 September 2015):
 You need to work on being approachable. Part of that has to do with the emotional candle, even a faint one, that you still burn for your ex. That's why guys think you're in a long-term relationship, because those are the vibes you're giving off.
Also, why would you consider lowering standards? What standards did you lower??? And no, I'm definitely not talking about friends with benefits. That's a standard I don't think anyone should lower in most cases, but I don't judge anyone who goes for it.
Be approachable. Be flirtatious. When you're staring at that cute guy in your class and he's staring back at you, what's stopping you from flashing a million dollar smile?? Maybe an approving look to go with that smile? Maybe that playful glance during class with just the faintest hint of mystery and lust? (don't let your studies slip though! heh)
It's all in the mindset if you've got the looks. If you don't, there are many ways to remedy that and even in people who DON'T have the looks, being approachable and playful still attracts mates like moths to open flame. They knew the power of personality and making guys feel like gold. I've seen that happen many times, where people would say "why is he with HER?!" when they saw a hot guy with an average-looking girl.
I have homework for you: This cute guy in your class - when you secretly study him, see if there's anyone on him that reveals one of his interests, like on his backpack or something he takes out. OR, compliment him on something you admire about him, either physically or if he shows his intelligence in class. Open the conversation. That's not my idea...that's Dale Carnege from his book "How to Win Friends and influence people". Find something unique about someone and become interested in it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2015): The guys are a bit intimidated by you and are expecting a knockback so its up to you to break the ice and get the conversation going.eg to cute guy in class who may already have a girlfriend.."What did you think of that topic?..It really had me thinking .." or "nice shirt?" or "Are you heading to the cafe.. think i'll follow along....( a bit brave cos he could say "no, i got to call my girlfriend".So you get my drift,nothing too important or serious,just trivia, to guage their reaction...and repeat it daily with a smile or frown ,as you wish.
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