A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had my 30th birthday last week, and I can't stop feeling sad. I know I need to get on with my life, but I can't help it. I wish and wish I were young again.More than feeling old, I'm wishing I'd pursued my dream of being a musician. I don't want to just do it as a hobby. I wish that I'd pursued a formal degree program and done it professionally and I'm scared that it's too late. How can I stop wishing I were still young?Is it too late to pursue my dream of being a musician?I mean... in any professional capacity?I keep wishing I'd gotten married and had children, and I know I need to get over it, but I'm feeling so sad. I don't know what else can fill that void, and I realize that it's probably too late. Why would anyone be attracted to me at my age? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, mytwocents  +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Oh man, you're having the "30th-year crisis." I've known several people that are going through the same thing. I'm in the midst of mine. I'm constantly OBSESSING over my younger years and the decisions I made (and didn't make). It's bad. People (especially older ones) will tell you that you're "so young" and to just get up and go. But that's easier said than done.
I could go on and on about this issue, but let me instead give you a perspective you may not have thought about yet. It helps me sometimes, maybe it will help you.
People of our generation in the U.S. are doing things later and later. Our parents and our parents' parents were married and had kids by the time they were 23. People would marry their high-school or college sweetheart, and there was less "shopping around" in the dating world. In those days, you could support a family on one salary. Dad would get a job at the plant, mom would stay home, and the two-and-half-kids would play out in the street. He'd work at the same place for 25 years, retire with a pension, and that was that. It's not just a romanticized myth. Things were, in fact, simpler (in this way) a generation ago. Of course there are abundant exceptions, but variations on this same theme were quite common.
These days, people get married and have kids WAY later in most parts of the country--especially urban areas. It's not unheard of for someone at age 25 to still be living with their parents. Kids go to college and then go back home, they don't go off and get married. It is incredibly rare for someone to remain at one job for decades anymore. People are living longer. Home ownership is more elusive. Everything, in other words, has changed--except, that is, our expectations of ourselves.
We still have old notions of WHEN things should happen. Of course, there's a biological grounding to some things (especially child bearing), but we haven't adjusted mentally to our changing society. If you want some proof of how "immature" people have become, go hang out with some 23-year-olds. They have no clue. Think: a few decades ago these people would have had two kids and a house by now.
Long story short: it's okay that you're running late. Everyone is. Pretend you're 25 and make your decisions that way. Maybe that means pursuing music. Maybe that means looking for someone to have kids with. Maybe it means coming up with some new goals.
A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (8 May 2009):
 Are you kidding me?
You think you are washed up at 30?
Stand up, brush yourself off of whatever it is that ails you and go out and pursue your dream.
It took me 10 years until after I was in High School to finally decide to go to college.
That was Two Bachelor's and One Master's Degree ago....
I'm 44 now.
Of course you can realize that dream. I spent a few of my years after High School in the 80's as a roadie for some of the big Heavy Metal bands of the time. I was pretty much lost in a haze of debauchery.
I had one of the same type of moments a little younger than where you are at...and I turned my life completely around. and believe me if you knew me in the 80's you would have never guessed that not only did I change my life, but that I would be even alive.
So anything is possible. Ask yourself what you are willing to do to change the way you feel right now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): You're afraid it's too late at 30??! Good heavens. With the greatest respect, I emphatically disagree. You have ample time to make changes, and changes are far more productive than regrets. Go for it!
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