A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a slightly odd and very long story, so please try to bear with me and try to stay unconfused. I also need to tell you everything that has happened within the last two and a half years because my question might seem slightly odd if I don't add some detail. I apologize in advance if any advice-givers are still confused after this...It's been exactly five months since my ex-boyfriend - we'll call him X - and I broke up. We had broken up once before but that was about thirteen and a half months ago and we had been together a total of a year and three and a half months. The reasons we broke up the first time were because he was emotionally and physically abusive toward me and his best friend was a total douche (I later found out he had a crush on me; only I know about it).Well, after that first break-up, I started dating another guy - we'll call him Y - about a month after my first break-up with guy X. That relationship lasted a little over two months; mainly because I simply could not get over X and it was bothering me and Y sensed it and understandably, he broke up with me. I immediately went back to X and everything was amazing... for the first month. No abuse, at all. I thought things were finally going to fall into place and we would be happy again... like we were the first couple of months of being together the first time.Well, October 11th, 2008 changed everything. X invited me to this flight thing at a college he was looking at and I wanted to go but I thought only Aviation-enthusiasts could go and yes, I LOVE flying and everything but I'm not nearly as crazy about it as my ex is. So, I didn't go and to this day, I'm still wondering whether or not I should be kicking myself for making that decision.That day, he met up with a girl he hadn't seen since his freshman year in high school (I'm a year older than both of them and had already graduated Spring of 2008). Well, I'm guessing he decided he wanted to see how far he could go with this chick without crossing any boundaries and then apparently she told him she would blow him if there weren't so many people around. That's when he finally mentioned my name and she just said 'Oh.'Skip ahead just under two months later and I find out all she wants is sex and no strings in high school. And that she's also had eight partners before my ex and she accomplished this within a year and a half and she was under the age of eighteen at the time. Perfect female candidate for my overly-hormonal and complete asshole of an ex. The beginning of December 2008, I caught him cheating on me with the slut he met on a fucking plane ride home. That was the final straw.It is now May 2009 and I've been single this entire year so far. I do enjoy it and I've hung out with other guys, yes, but never any dates. At least, I wouldn't classify them as dates mainly because there were other people with us. Well, I was also a raging idiot from late-December to literally just over a month ago. I wanted to deny it, I wanted to not think about it and I kept making up excuses to make myself feel better afterward, but it was the truth. I had become friends-with-benefits with my ex-boyfriend.I felt sick to my stomach and still do sometimes for knowing I kept having sex with him for as long as I did. At one point, I actually wanted to die; mainly for the fact that I just could not get over him and I was doing it all to myself! But he kept emailing me and texting me and it was hard. It was just so bloody hard! After a while, though, I realize that he was doing that whole 'wanting the cake and eat it too' thing and I couldn't take it anymore. I finally got myself away from it all.I haven't seen him, talked to him, or interacted with him in any way possible since April 3rd, 2009. I actually feel accomplished about that but should that really be something worth celebrating over? It's only been a month and four days. Anyhow, here's the actual statement/question: I don't think I went through the "normal break-up" process. You have the initial shock of it all and then once it's been registered in your brain, you immediately feel sick and hurt and depressed and sad and ugh... just horrible feelings. And then I"m sure many of you already know the rest.Well, for me, I think I only went through the anger part of it because I caught him in the act and then I became confused - why did he do such a horrble thing to me? He emotionally and physically abused me for two years and then this? Well, I didn't have any crying fits. But now, five months later, it's starting to piss me off a little more because now I can't enjoy songs that I used to be able to enjoy. I actually liked 'The Flame' by Cheap Trick and 'Comfortably Numb' by Pink Floyd, but now they're both ruined because they remind me entirely of him! I also still think about him more than 'sometimes'.I'm just wondering: Will I ever actually get over him? Will I be able to enjoy those songs again? Will I finally stop thinking about him?
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best friend, broke up, cheap, cheated on me, crush, depressed, my ex, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, ksan  +, writes (8 October 2010):
I read everything word by word. I was cheated blatantly by a female for whom I gave up everything in my life. More or less same situation as yours but there was no sex.
You want a frank opinion ? YOU cannot get over it unless you get a person better than Mr.X.
Now it is all upto you.
A
female
reader, mimisoph3 +, writes (8 May 2009):
 i actually took the time to read it and i understood every word..one word i gotta say is his a jerkk.he has a little spell on u that no matter how hard he messes up u always have the heart to forgive him,in ur own life and ur own self thats not good becuase he feels like its a free pass no matter how hard he fucks up..he will always have a shoulder to lean on and that is u..if his emotionally and phyiscally abusing u then why do u keep coming back if u know his not gonna change..he might change in the begining but he will always come to his old back self..i'm sure he had a ruff life as a child thats why his doing this he feels like its the only way to solve this.u should be beging urself to die or kill urself over this jerk.u have to realize that ur a bigger and better person and realize that u are a strong women and no men will ever do this again expecally him u have to wipp those tears out and realize that the man u loved is gone and its time for u to move on too..i'm not supprised if he sshows up in ur life again maybe when he gets lonely he will.but dont open that door again dont let him in..be an strong independent women and realize that noo man should everr abuse u emotionlay nor physically..find someone that lovees u and always will..but u gotta learn to let go..good luck if u have any more questions or commeents,worries i'm here good luck :D
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A
female
reader, steph449  +, writes (8 May 2009):
yes you will, you need to do things that make you feel good, if he was controlling and abusive think of things you wernt allowed to do and do them and enjoy it. pamper yourself make yourself look gorgeous. i knew the day that my partner threw an iron at me and i just ducked and carried on talking to my friend that it was over and i loved reclaiming my life learn to love yourself
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