A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:A few months ago i had an early miscarriage and although i was quite upset, i never really grieved about it and i just carried on with my life. Recently i fell in love with a boy four years older than me and although things were going well i haven't heard from him or been able to contact him for weeks. I can't move on from him although i really want to. Usually if something like this happens then i'll just go out and find someone else but this time is different. I've started crying a lot and the only reasons are because of the boy and also losing my baby. All i want is them back but i just don't see the light at the end of the tunnel and i don't see how i can move on. Only my best friend knows about the baby (not even the father) so i can't speak to anyone about that. I don't want to feel like this anymore and it's got to the point where i thought crack would maybe be my only way out, thankfully i didn't take it but i can't say i wasn't going to. Also either getting drunk or crying on the sofa is my aim for most evenings now. I know it's depression but don't want to see a counseller or anyone.Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThat is so truei know that i need other people in my life to make me happyand believe me, these last few weeks i really have tried to be happy on my own but it's just not working!Theres no way im going to see my Doctor, i really don't like him so theres no way on earth i could talk to him about thisI believe that only real people like yourselves who have gone through this can help methanks
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): Here's the thing hun, you are looking for other people to make you happy, the baby, the boyfriend. You need someone to love you, you are aching for it, it hurts. The problem is that you need to love yourself and learn how to make yourself happy, then happiness will find you.
If you don't learn this lesson, you will drive men away from you because you don't add joy to their life and you put this huge responsibility on their shoulders i.e. your happiness.
When you learn to love yourself and be happy with yourself, you will attract other people, and men, like bees on honey.
This probably sounds like an overwhelming task right now, so it would be good to see a doctor and a therapist. The doctor could give you some pills to ease up the heaviness of depression so that you can go to a life coach that can get you on the right path to loving yourself, then and only then should you look for a man and have a baby. If you try to do it 'your way' you will only end up miserable. Sorry, but that is the truth.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Honey, drinking, taking drugs or anything like that is not the answer (as you probably know). The thing is drinking will make you feel better for a while, but its not getting to the route of the problem, and that is that you lost a baby and B/F at the same time.
Life can be extremely un-fair on us sometimes, and it can be very hard to come back fighting. Taking drugs is the easy way out, but the hardest in the end. Its honestly the last thing you should do.
Please go and see your doctor and tell him/her whats happened to you, and how you are feeling. They can help, and maybe get you to see a therapist. You need help from people babe, not drink and drugs.
You will get better, but it takes time. You will be so much stronger when you feel better about yourself. XXX Take care
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A
female
reader, SuperSammie +, writes (12 August 2008):
 hi there. i had this problem when i had my miscarridge late last year.
i didn't tell anyone about it apart from my best friend, but then when i told the father (woh is now my ex bf) we wer both very upset because he really would like a familly and said if i ever got pregnant he would want me to keep it, it hit him more as he was saying things like 'so i had a baby...which died?!'
and untill he said things like that i just got on with my life, but then it hit me... it was my baby, and it was dead.
i then cried a LOT! wouldn't talk to anyone, and had a nervous breakdown... i got myself arrested, cut all my hair off, started doing a few drugs,heavy ones... i cheated on my bf, dumped him, slept around for a bit, quit my job and everything....
it was a very bad time for me, but then i started to talk about what had happened to my friends. and they helped me through it.
now after about 8months i am back to my usual self, i have joined college, got myself a decent guy and am currantly living with him, stopped all drugs, hardly drink, and am back on the right tracks.
basicly all im tryin to say is don't go down the road i went down. its best to talk to people you trust about it, no matter how difficult the situation. and dont turn to alcohol n drugs to get over your problems, try and take your mind of the guy for a bit, while you get yourself back to normal.... if u feel nothing is getting better go to a doctor and see about going on antidepresents.
but please don't go down the road i went down.
hope this helps x
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