A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with ma cousin I moved in with ma cousin because living on campus was very expensive but he had only one bedroom apartment since he couldn't tell my parents that so he would sleep on the couch and me on the bed. But at some point he moved on the bed but he would sleep on top of my bedsheets and use his own. we have always been close like best friends but nothing romantic and then one day we kissed after doing it we told ourselves that we wont do it any more but we kept doing it for a year we wud sleep in the same bed making out we never had real sex cause i was a virgin and still one so we wud do it but just to give each other pleasure but nothing deep. I ended up liking him and by the end of the year living together i was so deeply in love with him but i couldn't tell him. then he went somewhere for a month but while he was gone I took the decision to move to another country so I moved to Canada i told him i was going he was so sad he told me to stay and wait til he comes back at least i wanted to wait for him too but then at the end i left before his return.He began writing to me how he misses me and asked me to call him every day, I was so surprised but so happy cause it made me think that maybe he has feelings for me too. So one day while talking he said that he liked me and I told him that I was in love with him and he he said if it was possible he would marry me and so we began talking every day. It was so fun and felt so good.He asked me if I wanted to date but he told me to think about it then I told him yes and he said he doesn't think it's a good idea because we are cousins and dating comes with expectations that we were good the way we were so I asked him to date till valentines day, we did date but me I felt like he wasn't really giving me as much attention as I needed and then we ended up fighting about it and he told me that we should break up and go to the way we were before dating. He said that he can't commit and that dating freaked him out and that all that matters is that he loved me and I loved him. I told him to give me space to never call me and text me or email till I do the first step because I was really hurt and I was crying a lot, he begged me he said we should find a solution about it .SO he asked me for a day I agreed the next day he called me and said he was going to try I told him my first concern is that he doesn't give me as much attention. By the way I am 20 and he is 28, he said we should act like mature people that he cant act like a 20 year old he said I like you and I love you more than anybody else but I am not in love with you.After some time he said the dating thing puts pressure on him so we decided to end it and be like we used to do before. But I really lack his attention, I feel like calling, texting emailing him all the time but the thing is he doesn't really do the above on a daily basis! and that makes me crazy maybe it's because I am in love.I can't talk to no one about out relationship and today he said all I do is complain all the time, that I should grow up. He said he wants to do anything because he wants to do it not because I want him to do it .I love him more than I can explain. I was thinking that I should end up our relationship but I don't know how to do that because I don't wanna lose him but at the same time I want to get over him and the only way I think its only if we stop the contact for some time but I really don't have the courage to do that.I know he has issues he doesn't attach himself to people a lot because of his background so sometimes I do understand him but I would like him to give me more attention.PS he is supposed to come to see me in 2 weeks but at this point I don't know if he should come or not.Please help me and advise me.Thank you
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey thanks again and i just saw that u added me thanks.I talked to my cousin last night and he told me that maybe he shoudnt come but then after he called me again and said he wants to come .To be honest my heart tells me to let him come but then my mind tells me no because i am sure its gonna very hard to let go the relationship after that. Cupids friend i cant be just friends with him now i mean i will need to have some distance first trying to get over everything then we can be friends again but then he says thats selfish from me because its hard in him too and he cant go a week without talking to me.and i don't think if we stay in touch as much as we do we will never stop the relationship. I am so confused.
thanks again for helping thats so nice .
A
male
reader, cupids_friend +, writes (27 February 2009):
I don't think he should come over becouse if he did it will be even harder to not do anything. And about the relationship thing he is you cousin still be his friend but nothing else depending on how serious yall are it maybe be hard but and you know what I love helping people especially with advice I am going to add you as a friend
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey cupid friend thanks for replyin to me and i know u were just being honnest not mean and i appreciate that.and we have talked about the family thing he is my first cousin so its even more hard.but i love him so much.but i know ur right.so u think he shudnt come to see me?and u think we shud end the relationship?right?
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A
male
reader, cupids_friend +, writes (27 February 2009):
First off he is your cousin by the way I am 20 he will not be able to marry you and their will be familly problems not to mention children problems not trying to be mean but I don't think It should be done. I hope this helps please let me know
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