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female
age
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anonymous
writes: I really need to know,if anybody else has the same problem,than me.. I'm just about to make the biggest decision of my life. Here is my story.. 24year long marriage,always good sex. Than suddenly my husband losing his erection ,middle sex, totally out of the blue. So it happened few years ago. He has low libido and erectile dysfunction.So pills wont help him ,as he does not care about sex. So he have seen several doctors,and therapists,bit nobody could give a solution or diagnosis to him. He clearly does not know why is this happening to him. I'm very understanding wife, but without a diagnosis ,I can ;t tolerate this situation.What I would be the most curios to know, if there is anybody else out there,who does not Know the cause of his husbands impotence?It would make a huge difference for me ,if I would know why and what is his medical cause. But without this , I'm seriously thinking of divorce, because, I m going crazy from the unresolved cause and solution.It changed our relationship drastically. And , I m not sure , I can ever tolerate this. Please, if you have any thoughts on this help me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2015): I can understand your frustration. I have been married for 16 years and my husband has always had this problem, even when we were dating. We had two children. One because he used Viagra, but had to discontinue it because it was affecting his health. Eight years later we had another child by sheer miracle. He was ok for a couple of months and then never worked again. I hope you find a cure for him. The only way I have coped with it all is by UNCONDITIONAL LOVE. When you said your vows, you made a promise for better or for WORSE, SICKNESS and in health. It means you never leave him because of this love. You put your own wants on the back burner and just realize that you love him anyways even though he is not well. Nobody likes to hear this kind of talk anymore because the values of our grandmothers are not taught anymore. Love him through thick and thin.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2011): Well he can still give you pleasure orally and manually.
Do you think it is right to leave someone because they have a problem that may be medical ? He may for example have arteriosclerosis (narrowing of the blood vessels) restricting the blood supply
around his body, there are many possible explanations.
Don't you love him ? Don't you think you should care for him ?
If oral and manual sex are not sufficient for you, why not say to him that you will need to take a lover ?
Good luck !
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): I can relate to your issue, however, my situation is a liitle different. I dated my husband for a year, and we fooled around but never had sex. We married a after that year and strangely we did not have sex on our marriage date. He would only perform oral and now after 3 years together, we still have not been intimate and I am considering divorce. I wish that I could say that we once had a sex life but I can't. The main thing that I think about now is my happiness and how important that is to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 March 2010): I totally agree,that it sounds like over reacting. But my concern is, that sex is not nothing. They say something like that.. The sex in the marriage ,when it works , 25% important ,when it doesn't its 80%.. I mean people do turn their life up side down ,because of sex.. Sex can make us happy, or ruin our lives. It s a powerful force. And not to know ,wht the man does not have an erection, is risky business. What if someone turns the switch back, and its not the wife? Yeah ,it is a big deal...But what could be so wrong,that no doctor has a clue/ AND HOW CAN YOU FIX IT ,IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT IS THE CAUSE?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): Marriedlady is a great lady. I feel the need to clarify some things she said because I don't agree 100% with her. She says that once a man loses his erection a couple of times he would rather avoid sex rather than risk failure. That may be true of her man but not the rest of us. I am an older guy as well and I can tell you from first hand that it's not always the man's fault when he doesn't get an erection. I don't like my scrotum being sucked on. I hear other guys like it. For me it just hurts. Another big turn off for me is when the woman won't get into it. When the foreplay begins the conversation about your friends at work stop.
Marriedlady I think you are a sweet lady and I usually agree 100% with you.
As for the lady who asked the question I think you are seriously over reacting. Does the man treat you well? You only want to leave him because all you care about is a hard penis. Do you care about the man it's attached to? It sounds like you two need some couples counseling. This is the age of viagra and cialis. I think there a better alternative than divorce.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): Thanks for the link Laura1318 !I was reading it, and yes it sounds great! Very confident! I don't say it is not true, but see,maybe its not helping. Because,there are many very unhealthy people , who can do it until 80 even they smoke, and eat steak,everyday. And many healthy guy ,working out and so on , who just can't do it.. WELL, WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG,IT IS ALWAYS HARD TO FIND THE ANSWERS..But, I believe, everybody's case is different..
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): Thanks again! to The ''old lady'' writerGood points again. I totally agree,that is nasty to think about divorce. The only reason,I do,because I m too weak to this. I totally can believe ,how it is like a snowball effect and so on... But what ,if I can't face with this? What if no matter how much I want to get it out of my mind, I cant.I love him, and I would be 100% accept his situation,if I would know what is going on. The no explanation drives me nuts. Actually he does not want to close out sex ,I offered that to him before. And he seems to be afraid of that.. So he puts me through,on the same bad experience, because when he tries it even with a pill, he fails. And says he did not really had the desire, but he just does not want to close sex out. I think he is afraid. Well,Im not a psychologist, I cant figure him out. Thanks for honesty I love any response... Also, so when you have this in the back of your mind, do you still have desire,you just cant get an erection?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2010): Dear Old lady,
First of all, I this is very rare that i am seeing a wife in this age to say that I will 'D' her DH, just coz, he has become old and his sex drive has reduced. If Husbands would take this route, then world over all wives will get divorced. because most of the time, husband want it more and wife is not interested in sex.
I feel that it is you who has made him so much of performance anxiety to your DH and that may be reason of the problems in erections etc.
Remember if you will say to him that you need it and need it more, he will be even under pressure so his performance will be further deteriorate. That happen with any Man in the world.
SO my advice is
1) Forget Divorce. If this is what your level of commitment to marriage of 25 year is then you are not a good marriage material.
2) For few months, do not at all raise this topic at all in home. GIve love to your DH and keep him stress free. My feeling is that in next 6 month, he will be back to normal.
i remember once i also could not do in one night out of 1000 night that i did it good with my wife. For next 3-4 months, i was having it in my back of my mind and i was tensed at bed. Slowly i forget that incident and came to normal in bed.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): Dear anon!I'm so grateful, you took the time for so detailed answer.I was so glad , you actually got this very well, and didn't tell me to go to the doctor, what we already did,or buy some erotic toys, what wouldn't do anything for us. It is very hard for anybody to understand ,who never been there, or hear about this very close.. Yes, the total change of situation is what is so shocking. And it is so hard for everybody to imagine that..It is so different ,what the most people dealing with, when the man has some organic problems..And yes, I don't know ,what to do, because, I know ,I can't fix it , and he is helpless. And I know, I do make it worst,and this is why I was thinking of leaving , to give a chance that someone might gives back his confidence. As this way , we both suffer. I wish ,if there would be something better than go. I love him, but I go crazy like that.. If you,or anybody else has any more to say,please do ! Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): I don't know you or your husband but I can tell you of my own expierience. My wife and I have the most amazing sex. When I first started having sex I had no idea it could be so good. I also love my wife to death, BUT when she starts complaining about things and yelling at me it puts me in a bad mood. There is absolutely nothing wrong with me but if she has been fighting with me I just don't want to have sex with her. Even though I can get hard I can't get aroused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): The problem with these things is that they can start for one reason and then snowball into other reasons.
First he might have had trouble because of a physiological reason. It happens to most guys from time to time for varying reasons.
Then his damaged confidence in bed causes the next few times. That makes him want to avoid risking sex at all because he doesn't wanna fail again.
Then the damage from THAT makes you feel troubled. He senses you're troubled, and then HE feels troubled even more. Which just drives his worry about his erections even farther which just makes it even MORE difficult for him to get things working . . . see what I mean?
The same thing sometimes goes on with women struggling to achieve orgasm with her man. The bigger a deal it becomes the less likely it is to happen.
I don't really have a specific piece of advice for fixing the problem. I am just saying be careful about the way you handle it accidentally making it worse. He may be doing the same thing.
I think you need to talk about it most of all. We men can tell our woman it's not about our desire for her being a problem but it's hard for women to really see it that way. When a woman has spent the first half of their adult life being chased by erections every time she showed slightest the inclination for some action, it's hard to mentally adjust to the idea that now his flaccid penis isn't a statement about you.
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reader, Laura1318  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 There are only four causes for ED
Extended improper nutrition (malnutrition), impaired circulation, emotional stress, and prescription drugs. That's it! They are the cause of erectile dysfunction.
Even 98% of the diseases that are blamed as the cause of erectile dysfunction are nutrition and stress related. And, those diseases can normally be cleared up with a change of diet and/or lifestyle.
reference:-
http://www.prostate-massage-and-health.com/Cause-of-Erectile-Dysfunction.html
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): marriedlady !
Thanks for answering. Yes I know,Im not alone with this problem. I just dont seem to find anybody ,who has the same not to know what is the cause problem. It must be psychological,but it is so hard, because the doctor or the psychologist couldn't come up with anything reasonable..He is getting very depressed form this too. But ,I dont even care about sex anymore really.. I just dont want to end up in a victim situation, when he finally after 10-20 years might find out what was his problem. How can I personal message you? / tHANKS
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2010): yes there are many women in our age group that have this problem with their husbands sex drive. Womens tend to increase as mens decrease. One thing to remember is that the most important sex organ is the one between the ears. With a man, once he loses his erection a couple times he will avoid sex rather than risk 'failure'. If you can take the pressure off it helps. Will he try oral or fingers to satisfy you? I would try that. I would consider a toy that can be shared, maybe seeing a different doctor. Will he talk to you and does he know how close you are to leaving? This is a very vulnerable time for a woman, be very careful. Somethings i would rather not post publicly, but this time for a relationship is a minefield. Feel free to pm me. Mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): Thanks, but I actually have this as the biggest problem, that he did see a doctor, I actually wrote this in my post. And my concern is, that the doctor says ,he does not know.
So where else can I turn/? Thanks
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reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 March 2010):
99.9% of the time, it's not the woman. I am positive it's not you. A lot of women make the mistake of thinking the erectile dysfunction is something to do with them. It really never is. He could be stressed, tired, ill. There are a million different things it could be. The very last of them is that it's you. He needs to see a doctor.
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