A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:How can I Trust my partner wen he calls me frumpy and unattractive and ogles and says how he loves other women's bodies and faces . Yet I'm 5.2 and 50 ks and often am told I look lovely and even his friend was shocked wen he found out that I am 20 years older than he originally thought. . He never ever ever pays me a compliment he says he's not like that yet he openly ogles other women even turning his head to stare wen driving .. What do I do please ???? He puts me down constantly only grunts wen I speak to him . Wen a woman comes on tv he will stop talking to stare at her . Grocery shopping he's even had women give him dirty looks. .I had a total stranger come into my shop wen he was there she said oh my god are you two together he just went red, then a could of days later she came in and said that he stopped for coffee like always and told her he got into a lot of trouble over her that night which is a lie nothing at all was said to him .. Then we where at markets and a woman said to me well that's weird he doesn't want to know me now your here. .. so how do I feel happy again and now I find myself crying I even started crying infront of a customer .. His family has told me that he treated his poor deceased wife terribly I think I know how she felt. ... I'm alone here my family are in darwin and Brisbane ... He told me if I leave he will keep the promise to his wife and never be with anyone. . So what the hell was or am I to him I'm...so cconfused so sad so lost ..So alone. And I know I'm not as unattractive as he's made me feel. .
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female
reader, Euphoria30  +, writes (15 June 2015):
Dear OP,
Just read your update and am really happy for you! You did the right thing!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2015): I understand all too well what you're going through but it's time for some self respect. It doesn't matter whether he compliments you or not. I was complimented many times. It was supposedly a committed relationship but the ogling and other unacceptable behavior with women was always there. As with my experience, he's let you get to the point where you question yourself. I was asked to accept him as he was by letting him see other women he considered "friends." Dinners and gift giving was part of the picture. I was called controlling because I didn't find this acceptable. I've mentioned in another posting that even after breaking it off, to date he has taunted me by sending me a chain e-mail directed at many women with his newest "friend" being the first recipient and my name at the bottom of the list. What I'm asking you to do is to look from the outside in. Is he really worth it? I think not!!!STOP! It's not worth it. Break it off and keep your distance. I do know it's hard when feelings are still involved but in time you'll realize that this man is nothing but a big mistake in your life. Much luck to you.
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A
female
reader, Shattered333333 +, writes (15 June 2015):
Thank you wise owl I needed that kick in the pants I guess , iv been independent now for 15 years since my divorce and I'm successful in my own tailoring business and lived quiet happily alone and just concentrated on my children and my work, but rest assured his arse is gone my bags are packed and I'm moving closer to my shop and then onto my darling children, love can turn to hate very quickly ,,so I'm picking myself up and dusting his arrogance out of my dam life. .. Thank you also to honeypie and sageolguy all your
advice means a lot to me,, iv tried to carry him and help him but he is just not worth anymore heart ache . All take care
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2015): None of the list of questions you asked are even worth consideration. I will not even waste my time addressing them.
I respect your feelings, but I'm going to get straight to the point.
You are with a narcissistic bastard that treats you worse than the way most people treat their pets. You are too submissive and passive; and place far too much value on a pile of human feces in the shape of a man. You devalue yourself; and take all his mistreatment, then want advice on how to stay there and keep him.
What do you do after you have a bowel movement? You flush the toilet. That's what you do with a man like that. You send him where human-waste is supposed to go! You don't cry like a child, and accept all the awful things he says and does to you.
What on earth is the matter with you?
Well, it's time to flush that pile of crap of a man you're clinging to down the bowl, and start RESPECTING YOURSELF!!!
There is always a better man to replace him. It may take time to find him, but you can enjoy peace and tranquility during that process.
Stop begging for validation from men; then feeling like his victim if you don't get it. Your self-worth and sense of beauty comes from within. It isn't offered to you from some man, or anybody else. If we relied on the approval of others for our existence; many wouldn't last a day after birth.
You're an older and mature woman; and like so many, you put up with the worst behavior from men just to have one. No one is going to give you advice on how to change him. He's too freaking old, and he stinks like he acts. A PILE OF WASTE!!!
You want to feel better? Grow the courage to kick him out of your life; and then gather the inner-strength to survive after you do it. Women who depend on men for their very survival, are vulnerable to his cruelty and abuse.
Being a female in your mature years does not sentence you to settling for male-rejects and losers. Allowing yourself to be walked-on like a dirty rug at the backdoor. Then whimpering after allowing it to happen.
No matter what advice is given to you, nothing short of letting him go is going to save you. He's a wretched, insensitive, and cruel man. He feasts on your weakness and low self-esteem. Which by the way, you grow yourself; it isn't given to you. I'm tired of the sappy excuse some man destroyed my self-esteem. If that happens so easily, you never had it to start with. You sought a man to give it to you. Surprise, surprise! They giveth, and they taketh it away!
They can't take what's home-grown and nurtured from within. It grows right back! Same goes for guys who have mean women who degrade and emasculate them. It can only happen to men who were never confident in his manhood to start with. If you insist on staying with people who do this to you, who's to blame?
You have a lot of power...you're a woman for crying out loud! You were born with power. So use it! Once a woman makes up her mind, she can change the course of time and events; and even change the world. A stupid husband or boyfriend ought to be a piece of cake! Nations were changed, and kingdoms were brought down by women. They got pissed-off by a man!
Your beauty and attractiveness is not based on any one man's opinion. If it is noticed by everyone else but him, when will you realize there's something wrong with him; not you?
Soon as you dump him, you will feel the weight of the world off your shoulders.
If he's your husband; divorce him and take all the money and property you have coming to you. If you are tethered by tradition or religion to take whatever men do to you; you're wasting time seeking advice on this site. You are subject to the traditions of your culture. All we can offer you are comforting words; while you buckle under the weight of what you are traditionally bound to.
There are few nations on this planet where women are forced to keep men who are cruel to them. Their families usually intervene to save them. Unless they were given-away, or voluntarily pulled away. Most weak women stay, because they fear trying to survive on their own. In nations where they have no choice; they can't write to sites like this one. So why do you stay? If he's only a boyfriend? Again I ask, what's wrong with you? Boyfriends are disposable; unlike husbands. There is no paperwork or any legal hurdles in your way.
Somehow; as I know human nature, you'll tire of his bullsh*t. You'll grow the courage to break free; and deal with being a single mature woman. You want peace? Then seek it under your own power. You can do bad all by yourself. You don't need his help. Please don't give me that mess that you love him. What's there to love, if you don't get it in return?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (15 June 2015):
 DUMP the loser!
There is nothing WRONG with you - EXCEPT for that "partner" of yours...
Let him keep his promise to his wife.. The dude DESERVES to be alone. What a creepy nasty man.
If you work where you are at now, see if a transfer is possible, get closer to home,family and friends. YOU need them more then you need him.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (15 June 2015):
 I note that you called this cad your "partner"..... so, I'm assuming that you are not married....
If that's so... then part ways with him... NOW.... and never look back. WHY would you want to spend even another minute with I guy who treats you so horribly?????
Good luck...
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