A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't know if I should get a divorce. At this time my husband is not living at home. I made him leave a few weeks ago after a drunken rage caused him to threaten me and his boys. He is an alcoholic and relapsed. I have been dealing with this sort of situation for almost 10 years and although he is going through AA, I have a difficult time trusting that it won't happen again. The final straw for me was when he drove my children to a practice while completely intoxicated. That was the night the fight excalated and I made him leave. I know when he is sober he is a good father and husband, but I fear that he will drink and I can not expose my children to this anymore, but I also do not want my husband to be alone. Also, I found myself making bad choices in my personal life as a result of my unhappiness. Last summer I had an affair. The thing is I really don't regret that, and I actually kinda miss that man as a part of my life (he was the one who ran away from it---and I still miss him). I am confused and am unsure how I should continue with my life.
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affair, alcoholic, divorce, drunk, living at home Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): I'm not sure that you have any half-way measure open to you. If he's that out of control, you're right to put your children first -- it has to be your priority to keep them safe. Alcoholics often lose their families, and for some that's the signal that they've hit "rock bottom" and have to get more determined about treatment and recovery.
It's kind of you to worry about him being alone, but if you don't feel you can trust him to be in your home, there's really nothing you can do. If he were willing to do treatment, and then do a second-step program (typically six months in a residential facility), you wouldn't have to worry about it. But that's in his control, not yours.
You're following sound instincts. Be a mom, be constantly available to your children to help them through this very difficult time in their/your lives, and limit his access to them to times when you're certain that he's sober and will remain so while he's with them. But recognize and accept that until he wholeheartedly "gets with the program" that there's nothing you can do for him.
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