A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone and thank you in advance for your advice.I met a guy from the USA while he was working in my hometown ( I'm European). We hit it off on our first date and long story short we've been seeing each other for 2 months now. He recently bought me tickets to go see him in a different european country ( he moves a lot as he a contractkr for the navy - not navy personnel -) also paid for hotels and meals ( I paid for stuff too but not in his presence). We have a great time together , laugh like kids , the sex is getting better and better... he has spoken to his mother about me and she's really in favor of me. I asked him straight up if he's emotionally available ( he broke up with his ex last year) and said he is , he's had his fun and wants a family. I'm 34 and he's 31 , we are both Christian and we pray together. Everything seems to be going well , however here's where I'm a bit confused A - i proposed we both move to a neutral country together where he can still be in the navy/ military on an American base while I also find a job there. ( I've worked abroad before) . He wasn't against this idea.B - I mentioned there is an American base in my country and he could maybe find a job there and again he wasn't against it , he even mentioned it one time on his own.However, I have explicitly told him that if we go with A I need to apply by April and if we go with B I can apply by August. A few days later in a different convo he told me that he plans on going back to the states in the summer and then again for Christmas next year. So to me that doesn't sound like he's willing to give up his current job. I know I should of addressed it at the time but I didn't wanna sound clingy or pushy. What kind of future can we have if he's in the navy? He said he doesn't plan on being in the navy forever but when does it stop? And if he's not willing to give up his job why is he entertaining my A and B ideas? How do I go about this without sounding pushy ? Yesterday was the last time I saw him.. after a week of being together. He said today he already misses me. He shed tears while I held him last night and went to the bathroom cause he didn't want me to see them. 2 weeks ago I also spoke to his shipmate on camera , a lesbian lady ...she said that he constantly brags about me and he's ecstatic to have met me. He also got me a lot of gifts this time when I went to see him. He wrote twice that he's falling for me. We have made it clear that we are committed to each other, that none of us wants to see other people. I really like this guy but I'm at an age where I can't be stringed along. Also while we were together for a week he didn't sit down to have any serious conversation with me about our future together. Does he need time to reach a decision? I know yall may be thinking that 2 months is too soon , but I've dated a lot have been single for more than 4 years. When there is a genuine connection I don't feel that how long you've known someone is the biggest factor.What do you think I should do ?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2024): I think you need to cool your heels just little ..yes two months is a short period and I think he does have genuine feelings for you . However, if you continue to fixate on this he will back off. I'm married have been for donkeys but our relationship wasn't official official until we were at least 10 months down the line . We got engaged at Christmas same year but waited 4 years before we married we were young . But, age isn't the concern. The concern is the rush . We knew at the beginning and its promising you know too . Let him go home for summer, he may want you to go too . Who knows . Just don't push ..
A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 January 2024):
 I think you should hold your horses.
You have been seeing him for 2 months!
"When there is a genuine connection I don't feel that how long you've known someone is the biggest factor."
I think you are wrong.
You might FEEL a connection, HE might feel a connection but that doesn't mean long term that HE wants to be with you and marry you. He might not KNOW yet if he does.
He seems to still be in the "falling in love phase" you are WAY past that into the "let's carve this in stone phase".
RELAX.
YOU have told him YOUR time line - he hasn't GOT a time line and while he isn't "against" yours, he also didn't say LET'S DO THIS!!
Because HE isn't sure.
You can't MAKE an instant relationship.
you can't MAKE him want what you want or FEEL what you feel.
Slow your roll or he is going to want to walk away.
Right now he is ENJOYING the travelling and working. And having met you.
It's been two months. You DO NOT know him as well as you think. He doesn't know YOU as well as YOU think.
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A
male
reader, kenny  +, writes (9 January 2024):
 I agree with you that 2 months is not really a great deal of time to have been in a relationship and getting to know someone, but I guess sometimes if you have that connection you know when you know don't you.
I think that he likes you, and does not sound like the type to be stringing you along. You have to understand he does not work in a local 9-5 job down the road where you can plan your lives together. You have given him 3 choices that I suppose he is processing and thinking about and weighing up the options available to him.
I don't know if he can just leave that job, or if he is tied in for a certain amount of time before he can leave and make plans.
I don't know why on your week together he did not have any serious conversation. Maybe he thinks it's only been 2 months and maybe to early in your relationship to be having conversations about your future together and maybe just likes to see you and have fun and enjoy your time together before he leaves.
I know you say if there is a connection the time you have known each other is not the biggest factor, and maybe your right, but that does not mean he thinks along these lines also.
I would not push things, you don't want to risk pushing him away. You have suggested options about your future together, now just sit back and see what transpires.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2024): Just tell him about the timeline and the date crunch.... If he actually cares he will understand and if he is just enjoying the girl "in port" you will be able to tell.
Guys do not have as much of an issue settling down or having kids when we are older and will quite happily have sex and then dump women after they give themselves unwisely. I hope this guy is a good one and you both have a nice life
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