A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know this is going to make me sound spoilt and like a coward… It’s my 40th birthday coming up shortly and my husband is treating us both to an overnight stay in a cabin in a zoo- it’s something I’ve wanted to do for years.A few months ago a friend of mine came over for coffee and we got talking about my birthday and I mentioned this to her- she loved the idea and kept saying how she’d love to do something like that etc…. Out of the blue my husband invited her along! Of course she immediately said yes!!Now she’s a lovely person but I don’t want her tagging along with me and my husband for the weekend. She’s very loud and likes taking over things and making it about her - I know from previous experiences I’ve had when going away with her! It will be a nightmare! My husband and I barely have any time alone due to our busy work schedules. Also it will look odd to my other friends that they didn’t get an invite. I asked my husband why he invited her and he thought I’d be happy to have her there.She now keeps asking me if we have decided on a date so she can book as well (she’s obviously paying for herself ) and I keep making excuses.I cannot be honest with her and tell her I don’t want her to come. She’ll make a big deal about it- understandably and it’ll make our friendship awkward. So being the coward that I am, I’m going to tell her that we have changed our minds and won’t be doing it. I’ll think of an excuse as to why. But in truth, we will be doing it - just me and my husband. My husband said it’s a bad idea to lie as I may accidentally let it slip that we went which would be even worse than being honest with her. I see his point and he’s probably right but how can I tell don’t want her there without being awkward. She really looking forward to it and it’s not her fault as my husband did invite her but this is an expensive experience which I won’t ever do again and I want enjoy it and not have her to worry about! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (9 January 2024):
 Since your husband invited her, he needs to be the one to dis-invite her.
Or you can put on your big girl panties and just tell her, hey I LOVE spending time with you, but I would rather spend my birthday weekend with my husband alone as we do not get alone time often and I miss that, and I NEED that.
Then YOU and her can make a girl week end later on in the year perhaps?
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (9 January 2024):
 I think that your husband should have discussed inviting her with you in private then at least you could have both come up with decision to not invite her.
He has really put you on the spot by inviting her like this because now you have the dilemma of having to tell her she can't go.
I do think you should tell her the situation but I don't think that you should lie about it and say you are not going when you are.
Just be brutally honest, say your husband brought you this experience and you want it to be just the two of you.
She is a grown adult, not a child, if she is a good friend i am sure she will understand, and be greatful that you were honest and gave her the truth.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2024): Just tell her the truth, that you feel that you need to spend some quality time with your husband. Nobody can argue or be upset by that. I'm sure she will understand, and if she doesn't, that is just a reflection of her and not of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2024): I think it was not fair of your husband to do this, because afterall it is your birthday and really three is a crowd. I would be totally frank and compromise. I would say to your friend that you are a couple and its a personal special day together as a couple and you might want it to get romantic. However friend, I would still like to do this or similar with you as two friends, please will you take a rain cheque.
This means you get 2 nice days and nobody is hurt or lied to.
I reckon it could spoil your day if you go ahead with it.
Just be honest for goodness sake it is your birthday after all.
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