A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I feel a bit Bridget Jones writing this but I am truly feeling like life is passing by. I'm 35 and have one failed marriage of 13 years behind me - no children. I am comfortable in my own company but I feel like I am stuck between wanting to find and settle down with a man and be independent and have fun. The bio clock ticks ever louder but I don't feel particularly 'nesty'. The thing is lately I've started to not really make much effort fashion wise and I think I'm getting frumpy - but I'm almost happy knowing I'm unattractive and frumpy. Yet I look at other women who look great and wish I was them! I keep my head down and care less and less who I attract. I don't know whats wrong with me - where has the old me gone to? I used to make an effort every day in my 20s! I would be so pleased to hear from anyone out there who has refreshed themselves at my age successfully - I need to kickstart some changes to myself but don't have the incentive to do it. Help I feel like life is passing me by and I feel sad - its showing in my face :-( !! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hotmommanell  +, writes (26 October 2009):
Every woman wants to be hot. It’s like it’s imprinted on our DNA, so it’s no wonder you feel as if you do. I can remember in the not so distant past when I was a complete frump and had no idea how to dress for success. Then I started reading women’s magazines by the armful and eventually it all sunk in. It took a good decade, but it did. So now, I want to share with you my accumulated wisdom on how you can be hot. #1) Find out what kind of body you have, shape wise, and learn how to dress it to emphasize what’s good and play down what’s not so great. Are you an hour glass? A ruler? An apple or a pear? #2) Make sure your outfits have balance. What do I mean? if you wear a short skirt wear a conservative top. If you wear a conservative bottom wear a racier top. Don’t ever be conservative head to toe. That’s a prescription for frumpy. And don’t be racy from head to toe, or you’ll look like a desperate streetwalker. It doesn’t matter how hot or young you already are either. You can look as desperate at 20 as you can at 50.#3) Wear the latest, hottest accessories. Have a cool purse and sexy shoes. They don’t have to be towering 3-inch heels from Fredericks of Hollywood. But they do need to be in style and fun. Ballet flats, cute kitten heels, or fun sporty shoes (not running shoes) are great choices for women who don’t do heels. But if you can do heels do! #4) In the fall a pair of sexy black boots is essential and adds sex appeal to the most conservative outfit.#5) Wear dresses and skirts. Wear the shortest skirts and dresses you can get away with. In the summer go bare-legged and in the fall get some silky tights in cute small patterns. Fish nets in a small pattern are very sexy and appropriate anytime.#6) Get some sexy jeans. No mom jeans ever! Wear the latest, hottest jeans that fit your shape. You can wear them with cute tops of all sorts.#7) Wear jewelry. If you’re a minimalist a pair of hoops, as big as you’re comfortable with, or a pair of diamond studs is nice. So is a nice bracelet or necklace. Get something that makes a statement, not some tiny, granny looking stuff.#8) Wear makeup. It doesn’t have to be full facial makeup unless you really need that. The thing you want to play up are your eyes. Sexy, large eyes are hot. Get your eyebrows shaped professionally; wear falsies and/or eyeliner, whatever it takes to get compelling peepers. If you have great lips you definitely want to play those up with lipstick or gloss. #9) Don’t forget your beautiful smile. If your teeth are stained get them whitened professionally.#10) Get in shape. While I don’t believe you have to look like a Maxim model to be hot, being healthy and exercising helps you feel better about yourself and just makes you glow from the inside out. So if you don’t work out now, start! Do what you think is fun, but do it consistently. And put good food in your body.#11) Get sexy underwear and/or shape wear if you need that. Don’t ever buy that boring sh*t and tighty whitey at Wal-Mart. Even for your period. #12) Get sexy pajamas in silk and frilly cotton and a glam robe, too. All these tips helped me feel like a siren and banish the frump. Hopefully they can help you too! Good luck.
A
female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 If you have been married for 13 years it is not at all strange that you have this feeling of wanting to be independant and have fun. You married young and now is the time for you to feel free and lose. But yes, I know, this DARN bio clock, you would want to put it on snooze, wouldn't you? I'm 35 too, no kids, and know all too well how that feels.
I think it is good that you say generally seem to feel good and comfortable about yourself, it shows that you still have good self esteem and that will help you forward.
This is what I do at times when I start feeling too grey and sad for feeling good about myself, and this is VERY Bridget Jones and every other likely kind, I know, but to me it works: I get a new hair cut by a trainee at a fashionable hair saloon, then I go and get some new outfit. You can go somewhere where they have personal shoppers and tell them what your budget is. Especially try on the items they pick for you that look like something you would never pick yourself. Then go out with your friends feeling all colorful and energized.
But that is the emergency help, for the more long-lasting, good feeling it is good to do some kind of training, like group training in a gym, for example yoga, spinning or aerobics; whatever feels right for you. Go there twice a week, works wonder and makes you feel much happier.
And remember that you are not at all old, un-attractive or frumpy, don't call yourself names like that!
And while having fun you might stumble across the man that will once and for all set your bio clock! (But that hasn't happened to me yet though, so maybe this was crappy advice after all :-))
Tell me how it goes.
Wish you luck.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (31 July 2007):
 If you truly want to change then you will do it. It sounds to me that you give just a passing thought every once in a while. Maybe joining a gym will force you into it because there's money involved. 35 is terribly young to be giving up on yourself don't you think?
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (31 July 2007):
 I think you're a bit depressed. The looks are the first thing we lose interest in when we're depressed. I think a part of you wants to look nice still, but the other part of you thinks, "What's the point? I don't have anyone in my life anyhow." But it's a cause-and-affect thing. If you gave yourself a make-over, held your head up, dressed well and had the air of confidence about you, you'd get noticed! Then you'd have a reason to feel like being noticed. 35 is not that old! I'm 47 but I take care of myself and try to look my best without going to extremes, and most people think I'm still 35. You should make an appt. with a good stylist, have some highlights (they cover the gray if you have any) or get your hair done in a way that's flattering to you and easy to duplicate at home. Get a manicure, a pedicure, and a facial. It will do wonders for your self-esteem. Afterall if we don't pamper ourselves, who will? Your life will continue to feel like it's slipping by unless you take the bull by the horns. Then after your make-over, get out there and take salsa lessons, book a lunch date with your girlfriends, or go out for Appletini's after work. The men will take notice. And don't worry about the bio-clock. You may just find a wonderful man who already has kids and that will be satsifying enough. Get out of that rut and start living girl, you have alot of years ahead of you!!!
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A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (31 July 2007):
 Well, i watched loose women on tv today & they were saying they would rather be a bit frumpy cuz the women that look young for their age get the bad boys after them so leaves the good guys for them! hehe
Dont know about that. It might be true!
Im 36 but from about the age of 24 (having my kids) until 29 ish i didnt care what i wore or looked like. Dragged my hair back in a pony tail, no make up, leggins and jumpers. My mum looks back & said she just thought i was happy like that, and i was, but once i hit 29 i wanted to look better & made more effort. When i was 24 i probably looked 29. Now im 36 apparently i look 29! I dont feel it! But i wouldnt dream of going out now without doing my hair or make up, cuz you never know who you will meet & it really does make you feel better about yourself.
I got blonde put in my hair last year, its dear to keep up, but can take some years off apparently.
You will be surprised how much you will enjoy 'doing youself up' if you start the ball rolling.
Good luck
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): I may not relate completely, I am in my mid twenties. But I have gone through that frumpy stage, and my roommate is the one who fixes her bangs to go for a run. I found myself wanting to be like her, look nice be confident and so on. I always felt like she was getting all the attention from the guys. There was one night I went out to the bar by myself and I took time and dressed really cute and fell back in love with the attention I could get. I still am a little frumpy every once in a while, but it is like it gave me a jolt to start caring a little more. If I were you I would do a full self makeover like I did.I got some new cute clothes, did a facial, got a new haircut, did my nails, went tanning, anything that made me feel spoiled. And it made me feel confident. Good luck, love yourself and everyone will love you too.
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