A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi cupids,I'm after some advice on how to "re-attract" someone's attention. My husband and I have been together for 17 years, married for 5 years. We have 2 beautiful sons. The problem is that I feel like he is not interested in me anymore. Like I'm not fun or interesting, he would rather spend time with friends/work colleagues than me. I know that in comparison that I'm boring, the things we need to discuss generally are about raising the children, money, etc but I would like to get back to having fun together and laughing about things rather than bickering. It seems worse with christmas approaching, he has lots of nights out and I'm beginning to feel resentful that I never get to go out except to my cleaning job, and I have to prepare and host christmas for his family without any help. Even our usual festivities have been cancelled (eg family ice skating) because of money being tight yet he still "has" to go out because its christmas. So...can anyone suggest things that I can try to get us back on track? Thanks for reading x
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (19 December 2014):
 It sounds like your marriage is stuck in a rut and bogged down by all the responsibilities.
When was the last time the two of you had a night out, just the two of you?
Lots of couples find having a "date" once a week works wonders as you get to have fun together and also chat about what's really important to you. It doesn't need to be expensive - it could be a nice walk somewhere, or a picnic or something, anything to get you both out of the house and away from the kids so you can spend time alone. Do you have someone who could babysit?
Make this a priority and start to rediscover each other.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2014): I'm affraid you're taking on too many responasbilities. As I understand, you have a job, but are more invested than him in your home and children.My dear, off course you could appear to be boring. How come he has all the free time to go out? Because, you're doing things he should be doing as well. No wonder you're resentful. So... cut it out. Stop doing his share and put on a happy face and stop nagging. It'll hurt. But it's for the best. He'll try to provoke an argument, maybe. Push you into your old routine, where you get to be the boring one who doeseverything, while he's a fun guy. So what? Is that the worst that can happen?Don't wait for the holidays to be over. Ask him for help with the Christmas festivities (it's his own family after all). Make it crystal clear that if he refuses to participate, than, he's family would be welcome to come for a tea and biscuits.He needs to understand that you want to have fun too.However, ask yourself something first. Do you ever ask for help in a non-resentful way? Do you mind the way he does things (washes dishes, cleans house, goes shopping)? Are you a perfectionist? If you are, start with yourself and stop being one. Ask for help and let him help you. Maybe he just thinks that you're not happy with how he does things.It's very easy for any couple (I'm talking from experience) to fall into a rut, routine where women do all the boring stuff and guys just "let" them do that. Some guys are really not fair and abuse the situation. Some are downright agressive and provoke violent arguments, make their partners feel awful for even discussing the problem. Remember, you are not the one who's creating problems, obligations... they are a part of life. But, if you accept the role of the only adult in your relationship, you riks being unhappy, disrespected and in the end unloved.Talk to him in a positive way and try to find a constructive solution.
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A
female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (19 December 2014):
 I think many married couples will admit that over time they grow apart, stop spending so much time together and start taking each other for granted. The fact that you've become aware of this and want to change it is great. Setting a date night would be a good place to start. You haven't said how old your children are but even if they are younger surely a friend or family member wouldn't mind taking them for an evening or a sleep over once a week or fortnight. If they are older, perhaps schedule date hours while they are off on their own pursuits. You don't have to go out. It could be something as simple as watching a movie together, taking a walk, having a picnic in bed (a rainy day is good for this), a mutual massage, cooking together, or even having a conversation where the word "children" is not to be mentioned. Make time for each other, even it's just a couple of minutes to have a cuddle. Send him a text that you might send to a lover. Arrange to go with him when you know in advance he's going or plan to do something for yourself - perhaps a night in with the girls with ice cream and cake if you can't go out.Family outings don't have to cost a lot to be fun. Take a drive to see the Christmas lights. Make snow men. Take a hike when the weather is warm. Get each of the family to take turns choosing a place to take a scenic drive. Be imaginative. Make sure that you're interested in you. We mothers spend so much time on family, friends and work that we neglect ourselves. Take the time to pamper yourself even if it's a bubble bath or a home hair rinse. Getting dressed up and doing your hair and make up for no reason can do wonders for your spirits (and make a husband at least ask why you're dressed up). Spend time doing the things that make you happy.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (19 December 2014):
 I doubt it's because you are boring. You are willing to have fun with the kids and watching them grow is one of the most amazing things in life. I think he is stressed about the money situation so that makes him hate the hype of Christmas even more. Where do you think the idea Grinch come from? Men are not as good expressing feelings so if he told you he's stressed out he's afraid you would look at him as weak. So he hangs out with his friends because he knows how to deal with them better. It's an escape from family life. If deep down you know he still loves you, I would gift him the gift of leaving him alone. This is what I would do. You have to decide what's appropriate for you and your family. You should have fun without him. All you can tell him is his kids want to celebrate with father, that's it. Don't let him bring you and your children down. There are many things that are fun and also free. Such as tobaggoning, building snow forts and making crafts.
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