A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:1. I get angry when things don't got my way. I feel like it goes everyone's way but mine. 2. I have no friends. I have no one to talk to or go out and do things with. I don't feel loved or important to anyone. I've never really had friends. It's always me myself and I. I'm the only child so I've been alone since forever. 3. I feel like I have to compete with other guys. I feel that my life isn't as good as there's. I also feel I don't look better than others. That I must do a lot to make people want me. I feel like I don't fit in with anyone. Especially my gay friends. I also feel like I have to compete with them. Guys like them and give them attention and I want that. I feel like I have to do with they do and do it better because no one seems to want me. Guess I'm boring and bland. I'm jealous of them because my life isn't as great. 3. I'm insecure when I talk to people. My friends get so much more attention and it makes me think the people I like would rather have them. I don't speak my mind and be myself I let people run over me and I get mad and depressed because they did it and I didn't defend myself. Basically I scared to be myself and speak mind. I guess that's why I feel like I don't fit in because I'm not being myself. I'm the shy guy. Scared of what someone will say, or they will like me or not. I always go into this little shell I'm mind and start thinking what are they thinking of me. Do I need to stop. 4. My parents make me feel awkward. They split when i was young. My parents have realized I'm gay and they don't accept is so I dont like being around them. Their not the type or parents that express love and care. So me being gay just made me feel more awkward and angry towards them. Me And my dad don't speak much. I feel like he has never made a effort to be in my life so as I got older I disconnected myself from him. I see him. I barely say anything. I don't know what to say to him. 5. I get jealous when I see people I like doing stuff with other peopleI get mad, sad, and jealous when I see people doing things I can't do or have what I can't have. When I get this way. I sit and dance to music and imagine myself doing what they do or being them. Crazy right? I feel like my life isn't anything. Theyre having fun. 6. I've never had a relationship ever. I feel no one wants. I'm not good enough. I feel like I don't fit in with anyone. Especially my gay friends. I also feel like I have to compete with them. Guys like them and give them attention and I want that. I feel like I have to do with they do and do it better because no one seems to want me. Guess I'm boring and bland. I catch myself trying to be like them. People notice it too. I've been told and I been told I haven't found myself. I don't know how to. I'm getting depressed at age 20. What can I do to resolve all my issues?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (3 May 2014):
 Self loathing is a baplace to be in. I would runnot walk to the nearest professional to get help in self worth(a minister or psychiatrist, someone that has credentials and experience. You are in a very dark place right now and need some help. We aunts and uncles arull of life experiences but are not really qualified to get you on thr path to reality. Good luck
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2014): I'm not gay but at your age I felt very, very similar. My parents were very neglectful and my mother, in particular, never showed any affection to me growing up.I'm not in my mid-forties and it has taken me absolutely years to stop blaming myself for not feeling good enough.What I've learned is that if you don't get the love you need from your parents, it is very hard to feel love for yourself and this lack of love for yourself effectively means that you are EXTREMELY sensitive to the reactions of others, to your behaviour AND you will feel like you just don't fit in/no-one loves you/feel very lost and confused.I really suggest that you get counselling for this as soon as possible. One big mistake I made was to become overly caring of others, to safeguard against the possibility of their rejecting me, and to avoid concentrating on my needs (actually I increasingly lost touch of what these were). It meant that I spent over two decades or more caring so much for other people who really did never, not once, return the care for me. It was avoidance on my part - avoiding a lot of pain about feeling like a freak and a misfit. It's so very clear to me now that others who have been loved by parents don't even get to this stage - they have a different bouyancy and resilience.But the good news is that you can learn to put this in place. For me, it started to come through meditation practice - you learn to find love and strength in yourself and confidence comes from that- other people become 'extra' in your life and you choose people to be with who fill your needs, but at the same time you are no longer needy - you learn that your neediness is overcome by drawing from your own strength and by being loving and kind to yourself. It's not easy to do, at first you feel idiotic and embarassed, but it honestly can work and, in combination with counselling, it's a great way forward.I really wish you all the best with this, please get help sooner rather than leave it late like I did.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2014): You say you have friends. Do you or don't you? Why do you call them friends? What is it in you they see that makes them want to be your friends? You pluralized "friend" as friends.
So you have more than one. So how are you such a social reject? You can make friends. You don't seem to appreciate that.
What is it about your friends that you like, that you would call them friends? That is what I will address first. Are you just calling the people you know friends? Why do they allow you to hang among them? Maybe it is because they truly like you for who you are. Let that sink in a bit.
Define bland? Why do you spend so much of your time hating yourself? You have the qualities necessary to form friendships; so that somewhat contradicts this so-called blandness. You spend too much time evaluating people to compare them to yourself. You think everyone is better than you because you don't like yourself. You don't like the way you look. That's pretty serious.
You may need a medical checkup and some professional counseling. Just to open up to someone knowledgeable; who can evaluate you for depression; and undiagnosed social disorders. They can run tests that may reveal something they can treat you for.
I suspect that you are already diagnosed and under therapy.
If you aren't, you should be. You feel rejected, yet you have friends? You spend a lot of time hating who you are. So who wants a boyfriend who is never happy, and doesn't like himself? Your friends like who they are, so they get boyfriends and dates. You put yourself down, so that makes you hard to be around.
Everyone has something unique and special about them. You had a very unhappy childhood. According to your post your parents have neglected you and deprived you of affection.
So you are now old enough to seek help for yourself, and it will have to go far beyond coming to this advice site.
We will comfort and encourage you; but what you need is far better provided by a mental-health professional. You will not really absorb what we say; if your state of mind requires therapy and medicine.
If you have meds and currently under therapy; you may be having a bad period and need a checkup. You might want to call an LGBT Hotline or Help-line in your area, and they can refer you to counseling and gay-youth support-groups.
They can connect you with agencies for assistance. Connect you with volunteers; gay people your age and older, who can share stories and experiences that you can relate to. You will require professional treatment all the same. Your gloomy outlook requires attention; and may be due to depression, which doesn't just go away. There is nothing much we can say that will make you feel happy, or like yourself.
The way you feel may be symptomatic of an illness or social disorder; don't stop here, seek professional help.
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