A
male
age
51-59,
*lack Ash
writes:I posted before about my wife's low sex drive, partly due to being on anti depression medication. After a long chat, she decided to stop taking her meds and try cognative behavioural therapy in the hope of it increasing her libido. Everything seems to be ok for her in that she's as calm as she was when she was taking her meds. Our sex life hasn't changed since. However, she has been using her vibrator a lot in the last week or so. She keeps it under her pillow and every day it's in a different place, position, etc. I have to say that I had feelings of insecurity about the situation and I confronted her about it. She told me that she'd only used it once last week and that it was moved by her having her hands under the pillow while she slept. I know for a fact that this isn't true. She pointed out that masturbation is a private matter and using her vibrator is only like scratching an itch. I never seem to be able to argue the points as well as her in situations like this. I'm just wondering where I fit into the overall picture. Advice or opinions gratefully accepted.
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libido, sex drive, sex life, the pill, vibrator Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Black Ash +, writes (24 January 2010):
Black Ash is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks, MarieClaire. You're back in my good books again and top of my Christmas card list! :)
All of what you say makes great sense. And, she does give me great latitude to hang out with my friends, to go golfing, bowling, to the pub etc. But whatever, I always have to head home afterwards. That sounds worse than it's meant to..........
Hopefully, as you said, time and patience will improve things.
Thanks again. (And sorry for the slight rant).
A
male
reader, Black Ash +, writes (24 January 2010):
Black Ash is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMarieclaire, I've seen many of your replies to problems here and have been impressed with them. However, I think you haven't excelled this time, and I'm quite surprised at you! Why do you say I got her to stop taking her meds? I'm aware of the dangers of suddenly stopping taking such medication. It was her idea. I pleaded with her but she insisted she was going to do it. Maybe the next time you reply like this, you might take the time to read the post properly first.
Softtouchmale, we have Incorporated the vibrator into our love making many times but now it appears that she just wants a quick fix and isn't interested in sex itself. Thanks for the reply.
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A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Well there's an easy solution to this. Why don't you two incorporate the vibrator into your sex play so that when you have sex together, she can enjoy the experience and get that "reward" too. In other words, if she enjoys the sex play as much as you do (if not more) then she might be apt to spend more time having sex with you.
I know that sounds like a tedious paragraph above. But it may require more than just behavioural and cognitive therapy. Part of behavioural therapy is modification. And as we all know we modify behaviour through the use of rewards.
So if an orgasm is a reward for having sex with you, then of course the incentive is to have more sex with you so she can have more rewards.
Just winking this over your way. I know it sounds like a droll answer to your question, but you know the thing women need is what they say they need. And so hearing what it is that she thinks might get her in the mood for more, and of course throwing in some more pleasure on top of it, might help.
You could also try a sex therapist or a couples counselor to get some ideas going.
At rock-bottom though, if you can make the sex play more rewarding for her, and you may have to ask a lot about it; maybe you can find ways to give her pleasure so she'll want to share in the experience more often.
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