A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm at the end of my teather with everything and I don't know what to do any more. End of September my partner left me for a younger, fitter, healthier, more intelligant guy. I then left my job because I couldn't face seeing her at work. Then she quit too so me leaving in the first place was pointless. The job I have now doesn't pay as much. For Christmas I haven't been able to get any of my kids what they wanted because I don't have the money. I've told my older kids I don't have the cash at the minute but my 6-year-old is going to be unbelivably disappointed. I can hardly tell him Santa is poor this year, can I? My teenage son has been in trouble at school last week for fighting, which he hadn't done for months until now. My 13-year-old daughter has 'left home' to go and live with her friend because she thinks I won't let her live with her mother. Truth is she doesn't want our daughter living with her. I tried to bring her home but she got herself in such a state I decided to let her stay at her friends house for now since it was ok with her friends Mom.Then my childminder has told me she can't look after my kids any more, mainly because my 15-year-old son is a pain in the ass to her when he gets home from school. It's just one thing after another and I feel like giving up. I don't have any friends or close family and I get really lonely sometimes even though I love my kids. I just keep crying and I can't help it. How do I sort my life out?I know I've asked quite a few things here but I haven't got anywhere else that I can talk.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2007): Sorry I wasn't really too clear about the childminder thing. I have twins who're just coming up to 10 months. She looks after them while I'm at work, stays till I get home at 4:30 or so. There's nothing else I can do with them so I need her.
I really don't have any friends. I know how pathetic that sounds but I've never really been comfortable in social situations. I've spent the past 16 years being a Dad to my 5 beautiful kids and my beautiful step daughter. I've never really taken any time for myself to make friends.
I work in IT. There isn't really much interation with my colleagues. I get the feeling they're not very fond of me too but maybe that's just paranoia.
Talking to my son would be wonderful. I really wish I was closer to him. Maybe it's time I try and find something we can do together so we have something in common.
Thank you for replying :)
A
male
reader, Samutsen  +, writes (6 December 2007):
 All I can say I read your message and I am with you and truly feel sorry for your situation. I am pretty sure you can pull yourself up and make things work, as regards both the job and your home and kids. It is a heavy responsibility, you need to work harder but you should never give up on your strength and believe you can change this situation into better if you believe in your self and try.
Why don't you start by meeting a good, dependable partner who will give you a hand.
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A
female
reader, Mushgirl +, writes (6 December 2007):
 You poor guy! That is such a horrible situation. Your ex partner is being very selfish by not helping out with her own kids, who are probably feeling just as let down as you are... but at least they don't have to face the responsibilities that you do.
To be honest, though it's good that you want to make your kids happy, I don't think that getting your kids expensive Christmas presents is your priority right now. You should be focusing on getting yourself sorted out so that you can bring them up.
Try telling your daughter that she is perfectly welcome to go and live with her mother (though I'm sure you've tried) and see if she does. Maybe she feels that she just wants to be away from the whole situation of her parents separating, but she's using a lame excuse. However I wouldn't worry, at least she is safe. Your son is probably feeling pretty angry at his parents for breaking up, so has started fighting. I would just be patient with your kids, and remember they've had a tough time too.
As for your childminder, your son is 15. Does he really need a childminder? He probably just sees it as a form of being patronised. He is old enough to look out for himself a fair bit.
Surely there's someone you could talk to this about? What about your son? He's not a little kid, and if he's fairly mature for his age he might think twice before being a 'pain in the ass' next time. Have you got any friends at work? Try building up any friendships you do have, because you'll need all the encouragement you can get. And remember this site's here if you need help or someone to talk to.
I'm sorry you've had such a lousy time. Feel free to message me if you need to talk.
Good luck! xxx
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