A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Please don’t Judge me or anything I did not come here for that I came for help and for someone to help me open my eyes and see that the world is negative place and not everybody is bad. After all no one has control over their feelings.I don’t know how or when by I don’t find men my own race attractive this is a big step for me asking for help because I have never told anyone before because am scared that they are going to think badly of me anyway I just don’t find them attractive.I have a difficult life am battling with depression that seems to go away and them come back. My dad is lazy and does nothing at all and he his not supportive I would go into details but am not writing an assignment. I am so jalousie of one of my teacher that it brings tears to my eyes to my eyes she's perfect she is beautiful and blond has a really nice husband and a mum who really loves her and does many things for her even though she's married. That is all I want for myself in future more that anything in the whole wide world. I have seen much evidence through my own eyes that men of my own race don’t show love. My entire 17 years on till planet I have never seen my parents kiss or say I love you to each other. And am also positive that the majority of men don’t hold their wives hands when she's giving birth.Am going to be completely honest to you and myself and say am ashamed of who I am I am ashamed of everything and I live in denial am scared to admit to myself what I hate. Have you noticed I have not mention my skin colour yet I don’t know why but am ashamed I don’t want to be but I am I cant help it I cant control my feeling. I am so jealous of everybody who is happy that it makes my cry. My life is a mess I am a mess and I really want to sort myself out I did not use to be like this. Am so afraid that I won’t find someone who will love me who will see past my skin colour and just love me and want to marry me and have kids with me. To me that's all a fantasy it something you see in movies I want to wake up. Today when I was with my teacher I was so jealous of her that I actually wanted to hang myself honesty. Am too young to be worrying about this but I read some comments until that said women of my race are ugly I know that their are just pathetic people but to me it was like a punch it the face in really knocked my down and spat on my. I just want to feel normal not hate myself the way I was born to be ashamed of who I am. I have been offered counselling but my GP when I told him I had depression because am under 18 there won’t give me antidepressants am too scared to go to counselling because firstly its embracing and secondly you have a dig deep and admit things you don’t want to your selfPlease be nice it took a lot of effort to write this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2012): Wish I could give you a big hug! I think you are very brave in writing all this down consider the fact that you feel ashamed of yourself. You are not alone, we have all gone thru the same thing during teenage years, a time where we all feel insecure about many things on our body/appearance, thoughts... etc. We all feel ashamed about ourselves at some points in our life, not only at your age, but it's just it's easier to feel not very confident about yourself during teenage years, because it is a time known for trying our best to fit into your peers and getting recognition from them. I was always ashamed of myself when I was your age... moving to a different country, having no friends, being so lonely and so different from everyone else, feeling ashamed of not being able to speak good English (but now I do!) so I understand what you are going through, it's normal although it hurts you that you feel different from anyone else in your life at the moment. But as you age, you will see things differently, and you will grow to love yourself instead of trying to fit in into "groups" that your mind creates. You will no longer want to be someone else, because you are you, and you'll love who you are! We humans like to judge our own appearance by these current standards on fashion magazines, what we see on tv, all these celebrities, let me tell you, they are all photoshopped and airbrushed. There's actually a lot more in life than LOOKS, you need to understand many things can be beautiful in its own way. In my culture, people all want to look like white girls, why? Because they have big eyes, fair/light skin, they are tall... they are just perfect in our eyes. But some white men adore women from my race, small/slanted eyes, petite, soft skin... etc, what we don't like can be beautiful in others' eyes! Then how can you say or be so sure what other people think of you? Our standard of "perfect" is always different than others'. And based on my experience, I see beauties in every race/skin color. So be proud, because even if you can change how you look, and you become the teacher you talked about, some people might still think you are not beautiful. If you are confident about yourself, people will see you have that glow around you, it is even more attractive than your appearance, trust me! Stay positive and happy will make you attractive and love-able.And what makes you think your teacher is happy? It is only your perspective that makes her seem "perfect". Never judge a book by its cover. A normal human has emotions , ups and downs, whatever you see is just the surface. Remember what I just said, you might not understand what I'm talking about now, but you will as you age. A lot of beautiful women also have a lot of self-conscious issues, fact is, no one will be content of who they are, no matter how often they get compliments, they will always have problems or issues in life that upset them, it is a process of life, this is what life is all about, all human beings feel ashamed of themselves at some point, so you are not alone. Even the prettiest woman in this world will not be content, will still grow old, and if she doesn't have wisdom, she is probably not very lovable by a lot of men either. What about the unlucky ones who have illnesses, or have had accidents that forever changed their appearance? Crippled? Should they give up on their life and feel depressed? No, we need to accept something that is unchangeable, you are only 16/17, you might have another 70 yrs to live, and do you want to be depressed in the next 70 yrs? About your parents, we are all brought up in different environment, even if some are from the same race, their mindsets could be totally different. It is the way how your parents are brought up, it doesn't mean they don't love each other, it IS their way of showing love! And they are the only ones who know how much they love each other, and that's all it matters. If you want your hand be held by your future husband when you are giving birth, then find one who will do it for you! I'm sure even a lot of guys from your race that have moved to the same country as yours share the same mindset with you, Who knows, maybe your husband is not even from your race, and they see you as beautiful as you see your teacher. You are the only one who can help yourself to get out of this depression, good luck girl!
A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (26 April 2012):
My ancestry is Norwegian and German. I am as white as a white boy can be. My fiancee is Colombian. She is as South American as one could be. We could not be happier. She is opposite of me, which ends of being the perfect complement to me. Its awesome.One more thing to consider - IMO there is a genetic reason that "opposites attract." There are often genetic problems in certain small closed societies where the genetic diversity is very small. One of the reasons is that many genetic diseases are recessive in nature, and little diversity increases the chances of recessive genes being passed on. Conversely, the opposite is true. If you look at different societies over history, whenever they came into contact with each other, they almost universally started sleeping with each other. I think this is because genetic diversity increases the probability of healthy offspring, which by evolution should lead to greater attraction. Seems that way for me at least....
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A
female
reader, Starlights +, writes (26 April 2012):
 Its ok that you dont find men of your own race attractive, all of us have our own preferences and tastes so dont feel strange thinking that.
We all find different things attractive, what some may deem as attractive others will be put off by, go with what works for you.
We cannot label all the men of your race "the same". Although generally it may appear to you the race of man your father belongs too doesnt show their love openly, it doesnt mean he doesnt show his love in other ways.
For example some cultures find it harder for the man to show his emotions, it doesnt mean there is no love there.
Jealousy as a human emotion is normal. We all like to be that teacher you like; but realise that your unique and special as you are, just as she is, but dont compare yourself. Judging yourself is unfair to yourself because your valuable on this planet as you are.
For you to be happy you need to be in total acceptance of who you are, and your colour.
Like i said; what you may deem as "ugly" in yourself is something someone else will find beautiful.
Not one race is better than the other. Not one race is more beautiful than another. All races are beautiful because they are unique, varied, and different.
People who pick fun at a particular race are extremely shallow and stupid, dont listen to them because they speak from their own insecurities and their own self judgement!
All of us have been ashamed of ourselves at some point, but realise that although your teacher appears happy, she has her own issues which you cant see.
We all do: nobody is perfect, we're managing life the best we can.
I sincerely hope you get help for your depression . If you need any more help with anything, email me.
Lots of love
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