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I am angry he lied to me, or am I just being silly?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (18 October 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 18 October 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend used to be a heavy pot smoker but now says he hardly does it anymore. However, the other day while I was out he kept asking when I would come back to his house and when I said I was close he said he had to go out for a while to run some errands, and told me to take my time coming back. Anyway, I found out he lied about having to go out and instead stalled me so he could smoke weed with a girl friend of his. When I arrived back at his he acted as though he had been waiting for me alone all day. I cant help but feel angry. Should I in any way be concerned about this or am I being silly?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010):

I have been with my bf for 7 years. He was addicted to it then and is now. It has made it next to impossible for him to support his family because of his addiction. Not to mention it makes him lazy and he loses sight of what is important. He puts his friends and himself first. Trust me on this one, if you don't do it and don't want to be around that lifestyle...run for the hills girl!

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (18 October 2010):

YouWish agony auntI read this, and I was about to comment along the lines of blond and dirtball, because I think they're both on the right track in regards to the lying.

But something else hit me here too. I wonder if you're not thinking broadly enough about this guy. From your description of him, I wonder about whether or not he's good for you in regards to building a future, having goals, and pretty much whether he's going somewhere, or whether he's pretty much directionless and is taking you with him.

If his main goal in life was to get you out of the house in order to lie, ask another girl over and smoke pot, that shows addictive behavior. You already said that he used to smoke heavily. I would suggest that he still does, but has become better at hiding it (except this time).

Maybe you should be looking at him with different eyes, and even more importantly, ask yourself if he is truly good for you.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (18 October 2010):

dirtball agony auntWell, I wouldn't be worried about him cheating with this other girl. The bigger concern is the lying. At least in my book, but I'm pretty pro pot too. Really, there are far worse things he could be doing than pot. But I won't get into this.

I would confront him about the lies. Lying to your partner is never good. Depending on how you feel about drug use will determine how you should handle that. If you're against it, then it would be best if you broke things off. If you don't care, then I'd give him another chance with a clear expectation of honesty. If he fails after that, then bye bye.

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A female reader, justme4me Nigeria +, writes (18 October 2010):

justme4me agony auntI think you should just up and leave him 'cause he doesn't strike me as a responsible guy.You sure can do better with your life than tossed by a heavy pot smoker.Get up and let!

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