A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm curious to know if anyone has tips on how to feel more comfortable around the opposite gender. In my case, guys.I want to experience the dating world but I'm pretty sure I come off as weird because I become obviously stiff with my attempt at casually conversing. Also I occasionally get really overheated (probably due to blushing).Eye contact makes me incredibly uncomfortable because when I try to hold it, I realize that's all I'm focused on. So I end up constantly looking away but I'm always listening and smiling.I'm not going to lie, I know I don't have that outgoing charm. It's the disadvantage that comes with being nervous all the time when meeting new people, not just guys. I have tried upping my appearance to give myself a bit more confidence, but that's just a little eyeliner and jewelry with nicer clothes. I'm not one of those girls that likes to show off their bodies, it makes me very very uncomfortable and makes me feel like I'm trying to be something I'm not. I don't want to give guys the wrong message into thinking I'm looking for a physical relationship because let's face it, I'm nowhere near ready for anything sexual. However I do want to be more approachable and attractive I guess.But first, how do I make myself a little more relaxed around guys? I don't like coming off so uptight and nervous. (to make it more clear, I try to come off as casual but it's obvious that I'm forcing it/faking it because it doesn't come naturally to me)
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female
reader, Sensible Alice  +, writes (11 March 2014):
 Baby Doll has some good tips there, I'll be sure to try them myself! Another thing that is good is to talk slower. Sometimes when you're nervous you tend to blurt something out, just for the sake of saying something and in my case in tends to come out stilted or worse - garbled, LOL. Ask questions to keep the conversation going. Talk about things you love - hobbies, pets, places you've been - things that you're familiar with and have some knowledge about. Baby Doll's right, the more experience you have speaking to people, the more confident you'll become!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2014): I can actually relate to your problem so well, doll.
Everyone gets nervous meeting new people, some more than others, but the key to appearing more confident than you feel is to stand straight or sit straight in your seat and keep your head up, even if you blush, don't drop your head or look away because it looks like you're looking for a way out of the conversation.
Eye contact is a major issue for me too, I've never been able to look directly at anyone for more than a few seconds, particularly if they're looking back at me. I use the five second eye contact rule, you meet someone's eyes and then shift slightly, look a little bit above or below their eyes and keep looking back to their eyes, but don't do it in an obvious way otherwise you'll look a bit odd.
And your clothes, don't change them, be yourself. I have never worn or even owned a skirt that comes above my knee and I never have revealing tops on. I don't like them and I don't feel comfortable in them, even on a night out, I would much rather wear a pair of jeans or a long skirt than some scrap of material that is clearly nothing more than a belt. And from experience, you tend to get the jerks chasing the girls dressed in mini skirts and low cut tops and the nicer people with the personality will gravitate towards you because they see that you're not like the others and you're not easy or after one thing. I'm not saying all girls are like that, but that's the impression people get and it may be wrong but I can't change what people think.
Just be yourself, if you come across as quirky or weird well then so be it, it's surprising how many boys like quirky girls so you're on a winner already.
The more you speak to people, the calmer you'll become and you won't appear 'stiff' as you put it.
Good luck, doll!
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