A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm in In high school, I had a lot (5) female friends and not very many male friends. I am a total nerd but not the smart kind, just goofy-looking and not athletic. I do real good with math and computers and physics but I suck at English and History and Art. Bad. I like musicals and things but I do behinind-the-scenes things. I am not popular but no one really picks on me. They just don't want me as a boyfriend and guys don't want me as a friend unless they want me to fix something.I get on well with girls and they joke and sometimes I try but I guess they don't like puns or references to the obscure TV shows/movies I'd watched. or they don't know what I was talking about. But they act goofy and they flirted (I thought) without touching me. I have a hard time reading people. Are they smiling because I made them happy because they like me or because they just felt like it? Why did they start talking to just me? Why did they sit by me when they could have sat by their friend? That sort of thing. But when my girl friends said that some other girl friend liked me, and one girl finally said we should just admit we're going out, the girl that was flirting with me started sitting somewher else at lunch, wouldn't talk to me anymore, and avoided me as much as she could. She even quit theater! That happened with two other girls too. Not exactly, but pretty much the same. There was this other girl I was helping with math and after everyone said we were going out and she did too since her parents called her on it, I thought things were good. We even went to a dance but she kept pulling away and having me spend time talking to her girl friends in a corner. She even had me dance with another of our girl friends and she danced with her boyfriend (slow dance!) When I asked for a kiss when we were alone (three months into the relationship, I am really shy) she pecked me on the lips real quick and got out fo the car and like the other girls didn't talk to me anymore.What did I do wrong?I am a senior and everyone says it gets better in college but I take classes at a college and those girls seem very stuck up or very mean or very aloof or just into partying (I cant' even try to approach them). But maybe I am reading them wrong. It just seems worse than in high school. So what is wrong? Am I maybe just ugly or something?
View related questions:
flirt, shy Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (28 December 2013):
I upvote everything Code Warrior said. If you can not change your game, when you get older (around 21) there are younger girls (18) who will, for no reason, be attracted to you. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (27 December 2013):
 I think you should ask your FEMALE friend what you can do to one day find a GF. They know you better and they know your quirks.
It's really hard to socialize of you can't read people. And unfortunately reading people is a skill you NEED to develop yourself, there is no instant solution to it, BUT observing OTHERS can help. Guys who do well around girls. Guys who treat girls well. Body language is a whole other subject that can help reading people.
I DO think you are reading girls wrong. I think the girls who would occasionally hang out with you over lunch saw you as a non-threat/friend, but once they got called out on it as LIKING you - they backed away so that YOU (and others) wouldn't think it was true. They know you are a decent guy with perhaps an odd humor, but they DO NOT want to be linked to you as your gf, because (let's face it it's High school) and they don't want to date the nerd, if there is a slight possibility that one more popular guy might like them. THAT IS the pecking order for MANY girls in High school, they actually think that popularity MATTERS in the REAL WORLD.
I think they shy away from you because you give off a really " Go away I'm very insecure and uncertain" vibe.
Also, NEVER assume that you are in a relationship.
I know it may not FEEL hat way right now, but having female FRIENDS can be useful, being "friend-zoned" can be useful. Because those girls might be honest if you ask them questions because they know you aren't trying to date them. ALSO socializing with girls WITHOUT trying to get a GF is a good way to kind of figure them out a little.
And it MIGHT get better in college, it might not. THAT is up to you. YOU need to find a way to be comfortable with YOU, so others can be comfortable with you too. Someone who seem like they are OK with themselves, have some confidence and just a more relaxed state is 10 times more attractive to a woman then just a pretty face or hard abs.
Find things you are good at, find things you ENJOY to do, don't try and fit into some kind of High School mold. There isn't one EVERYONE fits into. BE you, be the BEST you, you can be.
Chin up.
Couple of my childhood male friends were definitely in the "nerd" category, but they were great friends (still are) and couple of them are VERY successful in business with lovely families now that they are in their 40, but they DEFINITELY were awkward in their teens even early 20's.
You need to work on you EQ (Emotional
Intelligence) not just your IQ.
I would suggest a few things ( you can google some more if you want and check out your library too)
http://my.extension.uiuc.edu/documents/257080502080208/Emotional_Intelligence_13-18.pdf
...............................
|
