A
male
age
41-50,
*igglywood
writes:I think this is a very normal problem but I am trying to work at keeping it all in perspective and any advice would be gratefully received!I am a 33 year old man who has been married (for 7 years) from age 21 and that finished 5 years back and then after almost a year alone I got into a relationship of 3 years that ended last year. Then I had a really intense relationship with someone that only lasted 3 months before she realised that she was not ready for a relationship.I have been single for a few months now and was over Christmas with my only contacts being girls from dating sites and facebook. I have dated a couple of times in the new year and am seeing how things go.I just fear, even at 33, being left on the shelf and I am sure that I am being stupid, i'm still pretty young right?I don't want to fall into another relationship for the sake of it and I am working on my confidence to spend time on my own and with friends without defining my happiness by who I'm with. It's hard when you spend your 20's and early 30's living with someone, it almost becomes habit.
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male
reader, wigglywood +, writes (19 January 2008):
wigglywood is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFeel a bit silly for posting that question but I guess that hearing others put your mind at rest really does help.
Guess that I have spent most of my adult life so far in relationships and it is ok to be single. Still probably getting over my last relationship ending (end Nov 07) and wishing it hadn't ended!!!
Thanks everyone!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Enjoy your freedom before you enter into your next life sentence. Life is a paradox. When you are on the inside , you want to get out and when you are on the outside you want to get inside.
If you are single or married, enjoy your life.
Life begins at 40...
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A
male
reader, Moviefan  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Im younger then you but yeah you are still plenty young. But i know how you feel know that i have been with someone i would much rather be in a relationship then be alone. I like the affection i guess. And i dont really get much from my parents or family, i know they care but they just dont show me or others in my family affection.
No one wants to be alone and you need to remember that your worst enemy is yourself in these situations. If you fear this to much you will make big mistakes and end up hurting youself instead of helping yourself. And remember im plenty young and its not a race to find someone. Wait until u find someone you can connect to.
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A
female
reader, Cateyes +, writes (17 January 2008):
 If I thought the same way you have been thinking...then I guess I must be an "old bag"!!! I divorced right before my 30th birthday. One year later, got in another relationship that lasted 6 yrs (mind you..it was a lesson because it was the same kind as the first - he was an alcoholic). Then, did a different turn to a man who was married..that was a few more years to add on. My point is, even when you "think" all is going to hell, there is a reason for the season. One, I believe a relationship will not work if it was the same as before. Your thinking, why didn't she realize he was an alcoholic?...I did figure it out...it was to late (6 months into it), however, I chose to listen to my heart...I fell in love. I tried to make it work, just like I did with my marriage, but, enough is enough!! FINALLY, I told myself..no more! Then did a 360 to another route...who I find out is married..to late then again! What's wrong with this picture??? I am still single, happy, meet new people everyday...and I have finally learned that in order to really have a relationship, I first need to make sure he checks off my "list" of...not an alcoholic or does drugs, not married, no crazy's, has a job (at least), and do we at least get along...if those check off fine...then, I can start to think there could be a possibility and see where it goes. I just haven't met him yet!
I'm not desparate, probably because I'm very independent, own my own home, truck, etc....and that to scares men off. Go figure right? I don't view how much he gets paid, just that he does work.
I don't dwell on any of this either, I take the day as it may, pray to GOD and see where it goes from there. I know he has someone good waiting for me...it's just not my time.
I too wish you the Best of Luck in your search....maybe do a little searching in your heart to really figure out what you want in your life and who.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 yes you are pretty young!! dont worry about it too much you are nowhere near the shelf, so dont fall into another relationship just for the sake of it, the right one will come along for you so dont look too hard for it!i know it must be hard to go from really long and intense relationships to nothing at all but maybe thats the best thing for you right now, go out and enjoy the single life for the moment, you'll find the right girl. i hope this helps somewhat, email if you wanna chat
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