A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I'm in my late twenties and I am absolutely and completely in love with my male best friend. Whether he feels the same as me is immaterial at the moment as he is seeing someone else, but I could really do with some tips as to how to get over him. I have seen lots of advice that says I need to create distance for a while... but I'm not really in a position to do that. I really only have two friends, and he is one of them, so avoiding him would cause me a great deal of loneliness. Plus.. we are in constant contact and have been for three years... he would know instantly that something was up. I don't really have a problem with spending tine with him... I honestly appreciate the time we spend together for what it is... but when we are not together, it hurts. How do I get over this? I really don't want to even remotely risk putting any strain on what is otherwise a great relationship.
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female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (27 February 2013):
 Well from what i wrote i did not tell you to drop him as a friend i said about you telling him and that if he is a true friend he'll understand.
I appreciate you guys are best friends hence why i didn't tell you to drop him as a friend i just thought if you goes spoke about it and he was a good a friend as you say he'll stay in your life and continue to offer you that support network.
Ok if you don't want to tell him that's fine i just felt that if you did you could get closure and that can help you move on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (27 February 2013):
 and OP it's HARD to fall out of love when you keep putting the thing you love that you don't want to love in front of your face.
I love Stacy's Pita Chips... if i don't buy them I can't eat them....and yet I still buy them and eat them.
so I can't complain I need to lose 15 pounds if I"m eating stuff that makes me fat can I?
If you want to find love, and yet you can't, I guess you still hold out hope that one day he will love you back the way you love him... even if you don't or can't or won't admit it.
and only having two friends makes it hard I know.
do you have a counselor or a therapist you trust that you can work with?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2013): I know what you're feeling. But you aren't exactly open to any idea, you just have to remain friends without confessing your feelings to him, which is going to be very difficult... Since seeing that you wish to remain friends with him. I know my male friend going on six years now. We haven't spoken for approx two months cos I moved quite far away and I couldn't stand the situation anymore. But what can I do, I have made my bed so I have to lay in it... So you kind of answering your own question. Remain friends without confessing any feelings...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, thanks for your response... but I think the advice was quite harsh and didn't really take circumstances into consideration. I know I was't explicit about this, but losing one of only two friends is REALLY not an option for me. Things have been pretty tough for a while, and although I am coming out of the other side, I absolutely can't afford to mess with my support network at the moment. Call me flawed if you like, but I am not yet strong enough for that. Also, I am not exaggerating when I say he is my best friend. He has been there for me through everything (and there has been a lot). I have to make it clear, I didn't become friends with him because I fancied him; I became friends with him because I liked him... other feelings have developed since we became close friends. As I have absolutely no intention of telling him, or making any kind of move... I don't get why you are advising me to give up a great friendship... that doesn't seem like a healthy thing to do to me. Apart from anything else, he WOULD ask. We are very close. I don't think we have ever gone longer than a few days without speaking. If I don't get hold of him, he gets hold of me... there is NO WAY I can just cut him out. Finding someone else to be attracted to is not a bad idea... and I am looking... but it is hard to find other people attractive when you are in love. If anyone has any other advice, I would be very grateful... maybe you all think I am completely wrong, but I am not up for ripping apart a great friendship.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): I think the other poster is wrong; girls and guys can absolutely be friends! That doesn't solve your problem, though. You say that you enjoy the time you spend with him for what it is? Well, it sounds to me like you are half way there. I think creating some sort of distance might be a good idea... but if you are best friends that could be problematic. If my best friend started to ignore me out of the blue, I would definitely ask what was up. Maybe try and shift your focus to someone else? Sorry I couldn't be more helpful... I don't really have an answer... I just think the other guy is wrong.
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A
female
reader, lmao1989 +, writes (26 February 2013):
You need to go out on the town and find someone in your court rather than a friend.
I totally one hundred per cent agree with anon i don't believe girls and boys can be friends without one or the other wanting more out of it.
I have been through that given i am friends with these guys now but some i am not.
My best friends a guy but i did like him and wanted more he told me straight i moved on!! We are still great friends.
If he is an understanding friend then talk to him about it maybe let him know but that you don't want to ruin the friendship you guys have if he is a true friend he will understand and stay friends with you and you can move on.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2013): You need to find friend's that are not of the opposite sex. I don't care what other people say, men and women CANNOT have a platonic friendship because they each have a different set of values and criteria for what they seek in a friendship. Ultimately, in a male and female friendship one person is ALWAYS hoping that the friendship has the potential to became a sexual relationship.
If this person is off limits to you, and you have feelings for them, you MUST cut them out, or find someone else to become attracted to. Your feelings will only linger if you continue to spend time with them.
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