A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I want to wait until i have sex so my first time can be with someone i am in love with...but at the same time the thought of having threesomes, for example, makes me feel really aroused. also i feel desperate to have sex, i matsturbate very often and watch porn, (which i even disagree with) wayyyy too much. i've even had thought of doing porn, or atleast strip teasing because i do enjoy that sort of thing. im really confused about my morals and sometimes just want to go out there and sleep with the first guy i see. i feel so sexually thrustrated, and have no idea when my next serious relationship will be..it might not be for another couple of years til uni! help me plz xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthankyou everyone for the replies, its good to know there are others like me! and the uni thing i mean i dont know when my next bf will be, or atleast a bf who i will fall in love with. and waiting to fall inlove to have sex just seems like such a hard thing to do because i have no idea when i will fall in love, it might be years away lolxx
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 February 2010):
 Sex is a beautiful thing. If you want to hate what you are doing, do it for money. We've all been there. The first time I had sex I was like, "that's it?" Sex is pleasant but it's not everything and should not occupy your mind the whole day. When I think back when I lost my virginity at 20, I shouldn't have wasted so much time thinking about it. Of course do it with someone you love and trust. You'd be surprised how attached and obsessed you would be with the other person.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): Porn, although it is sex, is made to make other people money. It's all scripted fakery. It's conditioning your brain to seek out sex and to try and be sexy in a fake way. Real girls act girly and spontaneous/unrehearsed, not all sexualised/teasing like in music videos and porn.
I'm saying to stop watching porn. The longer you wait to have sex and not expose yourself to sexualised media, the higher the chances of you being emotionally healthy, rather than sexually frustrated, depressed, and anxious.
Do your best to wait for love first as well. Love, then sex. Avoid being pulled further into a sex seeking mindset that makes you feel desparate. Fake sexuality is everywhere in our media (Companies are preying on your desire to be attractive, so they can make money). Identify it each time you see it and you can loosen its grip on you (while avoiding porn altogether).
It's very different in third world countries. The girls there are natural and aren't fake. They have no sexualised media.
One last thing, your father has the biggest influence on your self esteem. Doing activities together will likely help you.
All the best
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): On first instinct, you probably think you shouldn't have a relationship because you feel this way about sex, but that's wrong. If you feel that instinct to wait until you are "in love" to have sex, then wait for it. Just masterbate, for now, and you'll ease the itch for the fast lane of sex, and possibly lose your virginity in the process, which would still allow you to share your "first time" with your special loved one. This may help in taking away the constant temptation to mess it all up, when it comes to waiting.. Do you really want to chance giving the person you fall in love with a sexually transmitted disease from previous instances? It's not worth the sex for fun before that person comes along. If you masterbate by yourself, your not really giving anything away by sharing it with anyone, remember.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2010): Hey there sweetie,
its totally normal what you're feeling and thinking since (in case its escaped your attention) you are a teenager and as a girl there are a whole lot more hormones raging around your body than boys have, which turn you on and off according to the month (don't you just love being a girl?) so you will probably feel really horny one week, and a bit less the next.
I felt exactly the same way when I was your age and I was waiting to have sex with someone I had strong feelings for as well, and I sort of found it was like abstaining (which, in effect it IS) and I just had a load of pent up energy that was driving me MAD. And admittedly I didn't masturbate, or think about threesomes, but I DID imagine about strip teasing in front of a really hot boy I liked and having ex with him.
And even though this guy was pretty much offering to have sex with me, I am SO glad I turned him down since your first time will stay with you forever, and a little bit of pent up energy and waiting for a few months/years is worth it since you will never regret your first time if you do it with someone you love :)
hope this helps :)
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