A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a straight girl who has always had feelings for women and have in the past acted on my feelings ...until now it has never been anything other than a fumble. i met a lesbian through mutal friends and we have gone from friends to lovers. she is brilliant and i really do want things to work..trouble is i have a very high sex drive and love penetration...she doesn't so much but is willing to try toys. her sex drive is much lower than mine and i think she feels pressured...like nothing she does will be enough?.Likewise i'm new to this and i wonder if her low drive is because i'm not doing all i can (even though when i ask her she says that's not the case).because of our work schedules we only get to spend one or two nights week together...i really want it to work...but i am frustrated (sexually). not sure how often lesbians use toys whats the norm etc (if any?)apologies as there seems to be more than one question here! any help would be appreciated..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, 14all  +, writes (28 December 2008):
There is no "normal" and it doesn't matter what anyone else does in bed. The question is whether the two of you are compatable.
Issues of penetration come up between female/female couples all the time. Some women crave it, some women get little out of it; some women crave penetating their partner, some don't. Whether it's toys or fingers, whether the toys should be realistic phalluses or not - all issure that have to be worked out.
You're in early days so what's most important is communication - state your needs openly and honestly and ask her to do the same, and it will either work out or it won't. You'll both be better off if you're honest about your needs.
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