A
female
age
36-40,
*thma
writes:I am a twenty three year old married Indian woman. My husband has been working overseas for the last two years. He last visited me in November 2007, when we spent two weeks together. I spent my birhday in December 2007 with my parents where I met Bryan. i was introduced to Bryan by his sister Lynette who is my friend. Bryan is a married 50 year old coloured man. Bryan hugged me and kissed me. Intentionally or unitentionally Bryan had his hand on my buttocks. I got the the distinct feeling that he was caressing them. One thing led to another and I ended up letting Bryan have sex with me. Bryan had sex with me for over an hour. Bryan made me feel like a princess. It was the best birthday present that I have ever had.Later that day Bryan drove me home where he again had sex with me twice. Bryan suggested that we spend the night together and I gladly agreed. Bryan and I spent the night having sex.The next Bryan had sex with me twice before leaving. He asked if he could have sex with me again. I told him that he could. Since then Bryan has been having sex with everyday. Bryan and I have been on holidays together when he treated me as his wife. I had no difficulty being treated as his wife as we have sex so often. Neither Bryan nor I used any form of contraception.Now I am two months pregnant with Bryan's baby. A gynaecologist confirmed that I am indeed pregnant. When I told Bryan that I was pregnant he was excited that I was pregnant.He wants me to divorce my husband and move into a beachfront flat that he owns. He says that we could live as husband and wife and bring up our baby together.I am in a dilemma. I dont want to terminate the pregnancy as I already love the baby and as I rarely see my husband I not sure that I love him anymore.What do I tell him and my family,seeing that Bryan is of another race. Please advise me. Athma.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2009): thanks for the response. i think this is not only about a colour issue. it is also about you being married and having an affair with a married man. i feel sorry for Bryans wife, but at least now she is free from all the betrayal and humilitaion and pain caused by your affair. i am sure she also invested in her marriage and that she was married for a very long time before he started his affair with you. look at it like this - what was the lesser of two evils, having a baby with a coloured man while married or having an affair with a married coloured man while married?
i hope you are happy in the long term. your family will come around as the baby grows. i think there has been too much of pain from your union with bryan, both with his wife and on your hbs side. at least now both are free from the betrayal and both can start their lives again.
i honstly hope you can make this marriage work, free from any other marital woes. good luck.
A
female
reader, athma +, writes (1 December 2009):
athma is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI thank all of you who were kind enough to reply to my question.
The position now is that both Bryan and I have divorced our respective spouses. Icould not reply earlier as we were in the process of getting divorced. My divorce was finalised in August and Bryan's divorce was finalised in September.
Bryan and I got married at the beginning of October, It was a private affair.
My husband did not contest the divorce when he realised that I was pregnant. I realised that my happiness lay with the man whose baby I was expecting. My parents were not very happy that I was divorcing my Indian husband to marry a coloured man.
My baby, a beautiful baby boy, a spitting image of his father, was born three weeks ago.
Bryan has given me all the love that my Indian husband did give. I love Bryan very much and we are very happy together.
Thank you once again
Athma.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): Wonder what the Poster decided to do? ARE you still with Bryan? what happened to your husband. Did you have your baby??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): I am an American (black) and my husband of 2 years is from Punjab, India. I am in love and right now my husband is in India due to family illness. I miss him a lot and I could see why and how you had an affair, but before you move on with a decision you will need to have time for yourself to think about what you want without thinking of how good the sex is. The grass may look greener on the other side but that doesn't mean it's better. Yes the sex may be good but you are pregnant and you need to close one door before opening another. You are still married and you are carrying a baby that was conceived because of adultery. Before you move in with this new man get a divorce from the old one. Are you in love with your husband and lusting with the other? Or are you in love with the man you have been sleeping with? You have to make the decision that's right for you. Not for the moment because it "feel" good. If you love this man you will have to stand up against family/friends for the love you share. In my opinion, marriage is sacred and if I didn't love my husband I will file for a divorce before giving my goods to someone new. Wish you luck. Be strong!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2009): I am an American (black) and my husband of 2 years is from Punjab, India. I am in love and right now my husband is in India due to family illness. I miss him a lot and I could see why and how you had an affair, but before you move on with a decision you will need to have time for yourself to think about what you want without thinking of how good the sex is. The grass may look greener on the other side but that doesn't mean it's better. Yes the sex may be good but you are pregnant and you need to close one door before opening another. You are still married and you are carrying a baby that was conceived because of adultery. Before you move in with this new man get a divorce from the old one. Are you in love with your husband and lusting with the other? Or are you in love with the man you have been sleeping with? You have to make the decision that's right for you. Not for the moment because it "feel" good. If you love this man you will have to stand up against family/friends for the love you share. In my opinion, marriage is sacred and if I didn't love my husband I will file for a divorce before giving my goods to someone new. Wish you luck. Be strong!!
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A
female
reader, heron  +, writes (6 October 2009):
leave the husband and take the house.
life is short
enjoy.
moral: as for morality, its more immoral to stay with the husband under the circumstances. divorce before he finds out your pregnant. in every culture and religion infidelity by the woman is an automatic divorce. Historically sex and proof of parentage equals marriage
logic: Bryan may or may not divorce but you have more of him than your husband who is always away.
Parents will find out anyway. The race isnt the issue the issue is the infidelity and the pregnancy.
race is an artificial concept.
being a mistress has advantages to being a wife.
All these other answers don't address feelings, fact and reality. Most women live single or unhappy. there are alot more women in the world then men, all things being equal, being a second wife or mistress isn't bad if the man treats you well. If it doesn't bother don't make it bother you.
Your problem now is how to clean up the mess not whether he is black or your pregnancy or reasons for infidelity.
Facts:
1. your pregnant
2. you need financial support
3. You like bryan
4. you are married
5. Bryan offers support whether you are with him or not.
6. Your marriage is finished. Your indian husband wont accept your baby or you for that matter just face it. He might get violent if he finds out.
7. You need to cut your losses and accept your gains.
8. Be honest with yourself first then be honest with all those involved to the extent that it is important to them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2009): have the baby be in love do what your heart desires
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2009): I think you are setting yourself for a lot of heartbreak and a very difficult road. Bryan will keep you on the side as a mistress but probably has no intention of getting a divorce. Your husband will divorce you and you'll feel isolated from your family because of your actions. You'll be living in that flat supported by Bryan so you'll be financially dependent on him and probably feel more alone than ever because he'll see you less and less- pregnancy and a baby isn't the most exciting thing a man looks for in a mistress. because of the age gap, he will probably control most aspects of your life and prevent you from seeing other men but won't give you his full attention and you'll get very lonely.
The good news is that you'll have a beautiful child and that is the most rewarding relationship in the world and I hope you'll find happiness in that because I don't think you will have that relationship with Bryan or any man for a long time- you are chasing dreams and fantasies in that area and will pay a high price for that. Your family relationships will be repaired after time and maybe one day, perhaps many years from now when your child is older or grown, you'll be able to remarry and have an appropriate relationship but it will take so many years to untangle what you're getting yourself into.
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