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female
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anonymous
writes: I am in a gay relationship but some of my 'friends' like to make jokes about gay people. We were going to go out with them to celebrate something soon, but I told them that it was all to 'hetrosexual' for me. Now they seem a bit pissed off with me. Was I right to get all shirty like that? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (27 February 2006):
 You have your values and you should stick to them, if they know you are gay then they should respect this and not make fun, jokes are hurtful and someone is always the victim.
Tell them they have pissed you off, if you dont they will not know what they have done and that it offended you, did your partner feel offended?
If I was you I would think long and hard about having these people as friends, they seem more intent on having fun at others expense than actually having a friendshi, friendships should be based on trust, support, loyalty and an understanding of each others diversity.
You puzzle me though about the comment you made about it all being to "hetrosexual" does this mean that you may not feel comfortable doing things with them, and if so why not, what is "too hetrosexual" ?
A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (27 February 2006):
 Well, probably not. There aren't too many times you can honestly answer that getting shirty was the best possible response.
However, that doesn't excuse your friends from their insensitivity to your feelings. Making gay jokes is NOT OK and they should understand that already. If they don't, they're either thick or callous, so I can understand why you might have lost your temper slightly, even if I don't recommend it as a problem-solver.
In this case, I'll assume that you like your friends and want to continue the friendships with them. If that's so, be the bigger man and apologise for being snippy with them. You'll feel better afterwards, and you can then decide whether you want to go with them to the celebration you mentioned.
But when you apologise, do let them know that you feel like you flew off the handle because you found their comments a bit tactless and that made you a short-tempered. Tell them words to the effect that you'll try not to get overheated in future if they'll make an effort to keep your feelings in mind.
Fair's fair. Give them another chance, just don't let them walk all over you, or they're not very good friends.
Good luck.
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