A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hello all,I am a female and I have had a kind of 'bi' male freind for the last two years ( Well, I say kind of bi he is gay at the crux of it - he has dated and slept with a few women in the past, but now men)Anyway,he is very nice, we are very close ,and get on extremley well.Anyway, on one ocassion not too long ago, we went clubbing, and he picked up a straight guy, and we went back to my freinds house, and it kind of looked like he was trying to engineer some sort of sexual situation where he could see me sleep with the guy, while he got off with him.( possibly) I did not do anything. Anyway, to cut a long story short, my freind enjoys straight porn, and I often wonder just how gay he is, as he won;t even let me sleep next to him, he says he is too gay for that( he would be ok with me sleeping in the same bed as him if he was completly gay right?!!) The bottom line is this though - I love him,and put it this way,I am completely serious when I say I would marry him if he was straight ( I told him that at a party not to long ago , and he blushed) and I have tried many times to break off the freindship as it seems like a pointless circle in some ways , but he will not let it go. Just a few days back he was complaining about his lack of sucessfull dates and I made a joke saying that If I was a guy, I would date him -he then sent me a text saying that next time we see each other, why don;t we do something low key like stay in at his place and watch TV etc - usually we go out clubbing , our out to dinner etc, and usually with other people. I said ok, but now he has backed off again, and gone quiet. I'm not stupid, and know there is probably no future in it, but just want to know if I am reading him wrong? he is not a nasty guy, so I don;t belive he is playing games with me, but I would like to get an opinion on if he feels the same about me,and what is going on? and what to do? everytime I try to cool the freindship off, he calls loads, and gets all panicky and stuff. I mean am I feeding his ego here? although he is such a gentle chap, I doubt he needs that kind of attention.I totally accept the fact that he is gay, even though his sexuality appears to be a bit blurry at times? but do not understand what he is playing at ( if anything) and what to do? Should I just say it straight out and risk the friendship? or walk away and ignore his calls or nothing? it would be good to get others points of views. Thanks for your answers and advice.:o)
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female
reader, kaytie-babey +, writes (21 January 2010):
 I personally think that you should explain your feelings and compassion towards him; it may be difficult for him to understand - as he knows that you're well aware that he says he is gay.
But if you don't tell him out right how you feel about him - this problem will only become more deep and complex in your mind, and in the end will hurt you more.
He seems as though he may be confused of how he feels towards men and women, he possibly even likes both - But that is for him to discide.
And if he discides to be gay, and says that he could never feel the way you do in return - then I would personally go to find someone else, to cool off your feelings towards your best friend - but never loose him all together if you can help it, he seems like a good laugh and a good friend!
I hope this helps.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2010): Sorry hun, you are grasping at straws. Many gay men have female friends..it is less threatening to their gay lovers than having a male friend. So you are his best friend, that doesn't mean he wants sex with you...would you want sex with your best friend? He wants your friendship, it means alot to him, but you have to start thinking of him in a different context, like he is a girlfriend, that's how he feels about you.
If you can't do this, perhaps you need to find a new best friend for your own best interest. Are you dating? You should be.
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