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age
36-40,
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writes: I am in the military and on deployment right now. i cheated and hurt my fiancee worse then i can imagine, she ended up moving back home before i went on deployment and we didnt talk for almost a month. i ended up going home and spending every minute with each other just talking about our feelings, she says she still needs to be able to forgive me and see me as a changed person before she can make a commitment to me, i have changed my life completly. i am honest and open with her, i have accepted god back into my life and i have stopped drinking and smoking. i am trying very hard for her to realize that i am a better person than what i was before, the only thing is, she doesnt believe me because i am not with her. and how is she suppose to know that im telling her the truth. she wants to believe me and to think that i am a changed person but is scared that i will change back into the person i was later in my life. i try to tell her that the quotes "once a cheater always a cheater and a leopard never loses his spots" dont apply to me, but she doesnt believe me. i was in hawaii with my deployment and spent the whole time talking to her on the phone and trying to comfort her and to let her know that i was being a good guy and that i have changed and i can only look at her, i talked to her on the phone until we both fell asleep. i know this person is the love of my life and i am not going to give up on her. What can i do to show her that i am a changed person and make her realize that i am not faking it and that i truly am the right person for her? also can someone change and be a great person? or is it always once a cheater always a cheater?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am not going to move on without her. i know what i need to do to make things better, i have grown up and matured and realized so many different things about life and love. i know she wants me back into her life! because if she didnt she wouldnt of saw me when i came home and she wouldnt talk to me on the phone till we both fell asleep and she wouldnt email me back if she didnt want things to be better! she is worth it!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2008): You say youve accepted God back into your life but all you can think about is yourself and what You want.
I have a daughter and i would not want her to be in a relationship where she had to doubt her partner, having it slowly destroy her over the years.
Think on this woman that way and set her free to love and be loved.
God Bless
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (16 May 2008):
 Hi,
It is understandable how she is feeling at the moment. It will take time for her to see how much you have changed and this will only come with time, its hard for someone when they know that the one person they trusted in this world could betray them like this but as you said yourself, you have turned your life around and no are no longer living the life that was before. Please mean it, she is just so afraid of getting hurt again that is stopping her, dont go back if you feel you will not change or there is a chance that you will be weak again.
I think it is a good idea that you both get counselling and try to sort this out together. You made a mistake and you are learning from it. Try not to beat yourself up, you realise now that you did wrong and took the chance of losing the one thing that ment the most to you in your life.
Of course you can change, you seem to have turned your life around, everyone deserves a second chance, its just your wife has alot of trust she needs to get back and in time and with alot of hard work i think you can get back to where you were both before if you both love each other enough and you are willing to work hard at it.
She needs proof that you mean what you say, words mean nothing, in time she will see that you mean what you say, you will have to be very patient and hopefully she will be able to forgive you. Be patient, supportive, reassure her.
You are the only person who will know whether or not you will cheat again.
Take care
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