A
female
age
41-50,
*unflowerbud
writes:Hi...I feel so sad and heartbroken that I have no clue where to turn and who to revert to...something someone who can maybe help what I thought would be my long lasting relationship not be lost. I met this guy who is 9 and a half years younger than me. At first there was no intention of it becoming anything. We met to discuss a dance show. From day 1 there was a strong physical attraction and that same week we hit it off. Two days later he sent me a message explaining that maybe it would be best if we kept on seeing each other as friends since he was feeling uncomfortable about the age difference. Although against my wish I had to accept his decision. That weekend both me and him were very confused so much so that by Sunday evening he decided that he wanted to give it a try and said he did not want to lose me simply cos of the age. We spent 3 weeks together, so yes you might think...why is this girl making a big deal after such a short time....well I do because we had so much in common and he is an amazing guy and he was really happy with me. He introduced me to all his friends whether in the dance scene or his workmates and last weekend we were spending it all together. I felt something funny the night between saturday and sunday cos well sleeping next to someone you really like and facing in the other direction is kind of weird right...so I asked him what the problem was and he told me that it's best if we stop there. He said that the only problem was this age thing which he tried to get out of his head but couldn't. It pains me to know that I lost this person forever because of age difference. I am 33 and he'll be 24 on 1st June coming. Is there anything I can say or do that can maybe save this relationship. I want you to be really sincere.
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male
reader, gigolojone  +, writes (20 May 2011):
 That is a very brave decision you have made my lady. You can always count on our support.
A journey starts with a stride.
All the best.
A
female
reader, sunflowerbud +, writes (20 May 2011):
sunflowerbud is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello to all of you out there who have taken the time to answer my question. I really do appreciate and I guess like all of you said I should simply move on and not dwell in the idea that things can get better with him. It's really not easy and call me stupid...probably I am, for letting go of my heart so easily but can't help it...however I will do my best to move on. I think I did get my answer...it's not age which is the problem it's how much a person really wants to be with you! So in my case seems that it was a lot of nice words but nothing really tangible...Big thankyou!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): I understand your desperation, but I think its best if you try to move on. He is young and confused and doesn't know who he is or what he wants. That is no help to you. Be his friend and stand your ground. Let him sweat at the idea of really losing you. Let him fall into pursuit mode if he really wants to be with you. You know how it goes... if you love something set if free...Good Luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2011): If it wasn't going to be an issue in the future it wouldn't be an issue at the beginning. It is very hard to change people's minds especially when it comes to love. Either you feel it or you don't. Age is a big factor for alot of people. I myself am 30 and recently met a 20 yr old. I had no idea he was so young and I don't think he had any idea I was so old. The chemistry was there, the pysical attraction was there, the charm was there. We had everything in our favor. Problem is when I found out his age I felt really uncomfortable about it. It felt wrong.
It's not that I stopped liking him and we still keep in touch, he was quite a charmer. But it all came down to his age. I started thinking about what would my friends say, what would my family say, what would society think, where is his maturity level at, what would we talk about, do we have anything in common really, how serious could he really be at 20, still in college, doesn't even have a job yet, really just still a baby.
Your guy is probably thinking the same thing but reversed if his issue truly is about the age. He is 24, just starting out, maybe not yet ready to settle down in alot of ways, fears that you will not have similar expectations going into a relationship.
Look big age gaps can be a turn off no matter how attractive the other person is or whatnot. I know this firsthand from experience like I already explained. It really is a dealbreaker. And if it is not the age then perhaps he is pawning it off to that when really it is something else. But whatever the reason, the guy is just not interested.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 I can sort of understand it.I'm 51 and my boyfriend is 37 we are are just over 13 years apart and I'm older. It bothers me more than it bother him. I hate all the stares we get (I look my age he looks about 25) but he's fine with it.9 years is not a lot of gap but it can be difficult for men to deal with...I am not sure there is anything you can do to make him feel better about it...there is a great site called www.agelesslove.com that might be able to give you more help
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (19 May 2011):
 Honestly I don't see the problem with your age difference, but ... You are not in a relationship with me :)
I would break it off now. End it. If he can't handle it, he can't handle it. HIS loss. I don't see what anyone can say or do to change his mind, seems like he might be a little too immature for a relationship.
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A
female
reader, JuiicyJuiice +, writes (19 May 2011):
 No, there is nothing you can say or do....and for the record, he is not the only man in this world. He may be in the way of the person that is really here on this earth for you. Not for nothing but men mature later than females and he may actually be doing you a favor. Don't think of the now, think of the future, I mean because you are 33 years old and you don't have time for games. Focus on you and let him be. I am sure you are a beautiful person inside and out, there is a grown man out there for you but you have to let this youngin go for now hun. I wish you well.
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A
male
reader, gigolojone +, writes (19 May 2011):
Give him sometime and space. With time he will get used to the idea of dating someone older than he is. If you do insist on the two of you relating,you just might end up pushing him farther away from you.Accept his friendship request and who knows out of that friendship the two of you can get closer and closer and once he falls in love with you,he will start reasoning beyond the age thing.
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