A
female
age
30-35,
*Jessiex
writes:My boyfriend and I are both 21-years-old and we've been together for 5 years. We have a precious two-year-old son together...but I don't think I'd still be with him if we didn't have a kid.We've been talking about marriage since we first got together (even though we were way too young, and we're still pretty young for marriage.) But lately I've been having second thoughts. He's an amazing daddy to our baby and he's a wonderful boyfriend. He treats me like a queen! Me and my son are his entire world. What more could a person want, right?-One of the things I don't like is that a lot of his family members are against us being together because I'm white and he's polynesian. When we go to family events I'm SO friendly to them, but they all just stare at me. And in his culture, if a close family member asks for money he has to give it to them. They're ALWAYS asking for money. And there are just SO MANY weird rules and things about his culture that are hard for me to go along with. Family is everything in their culture and they say that when you marry your partner you're marrying the family too...I could go on and on about this but I'll move on.-I also can't stand his mom. She also doesn't want him to marry me because I'm white. At first, I understood this because she didn't really know me well. But after 5 years, she sees that I'm a sweet woman, I treat her son right, I'm a great mom to her grandson and I do give her money out of MY paychecks...but I'm white. She's nice to my face though. And she constantly calls. She'll call over and over until we answer. Yesterday after a nap, my boyfriend's phone read "23 Missed Calls-Mom"...this happens almost every day. She'll blow up our phone just to ask my boyfriend to go to the store and buy her a loaf of bread or something! She hasn't had a job since I've known her, yet she'll mooch of the government. Ahhh! Oh and another reason she doesn't want him to marry me is because in their culture, when you marry someone that person "owns you" (as she says) and she thinks that I won't let him give her money anymore if we get married. Wow.I just don't see how I can deal with that family FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. There is so much more I could say about them but I'd be writing a book!-I also don't like my boyfriend's negativity. I recently lost about 65lbs and changed my lifestyle. I now wake up early and I always feel so happy, healthy and accomplished! Then my boyfriend is over here huffing and puffing about every litte thing.-He doesn't want to better himself. I try to get him to lead this healthier lifestyle with me because he's OBESE. He works out sometimes but then he'll go to McDonald's and order 6 cheeseburgers, it's disgusting. He weighs 336lbs. His dad died at age 39 of a heart attack and his mom is in and out of the hospital for diabetes. He needs to be healthier for himself and our son but no luck so far. I don't know what else I can do to make him change that...-He's very awkward in social situations. He makes up lies about stupid things to try to look cool, or he'll tell dumb jokes that nobody understands. I guess this isn't that big of a deal but it's kind of embarassing haha.-Not physically attracted to him anymore. Not a big deal but it sucks.-I hate having sex with him. I still do it, but I'd definitely rather be doing it with myself haha. We do try all kinds of new things but he has a very SMALL...Problem that makes it hard for me to enjoy it.-When I look at him I don't think "oh that's MY man that I'm so in love with!" I don't feel like the luckiest girl in the world. And when people talk about a happy couple I always hear them say things like "You can just see how in love they are"...you can't see it with us haha. We don't really fight often, but I don't think anyone looks at us as an idol couple, ya know? -I always think about what it would be like to be with someone else. I've been getting a lot of attention from other guys. I would never cheat but I want to feel that excitment again. I miss the butterflies! So that's all the bad things but let me just say, I do love this man!!! If we ever broke up I'd feel so horrible. We pretty much grew up together and we've been through so much. He's seen me at my worst physically, mentally and emotionally and still loves me with everything in him. We're like best friends and we have so many happy times together. We're laughing everyday (despite his negativity sometimes) and he really is just the sweetest man in the world. He has a heart of gold and I know that if I ever left him his world would be shattered. Plus, I want to stay together for our son...the thought of him living in two different homes breaks my heart. So, what should I do?! I'm only 21, not even married yet and already seeing all these problems. But this man is my everything and I want to work on this. I'm so confused!!! I can't live with him and can't live without him. Please help me y'all!Sorry this was so long!
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 October 2010):
 Ok this is very tricky and am not sure what the best advice would be here if am totally honest.
You need to ask yourself do you truly love this man?? Taking away all of his family could you see yourself happy with him in the future? Because if you cant then you know there is something wrong. It sounds to me like you love him as a best friend more than a partner, it is understandable that his family is getting to you. It shouldnt be fair that you have to give his parents or any family members money you have a young child to look after and provide for and it sounds really unfair to me.
As for his weight only he can help himself but his mopping around is going to bring you down with him. Tell him you are worried about his weight as he needs to be strong and fit for your son so he can do activities with him and so that he is healthy.
I think the best bet here would be if the both of you went to couple's councelling and you just need to be 100% honest with him.
All i am going to say on the matter is that you should never stay with someone just because you have a child as it will never work you will only resent him and its better for a child to have two loving parents than two parents living under the one roof not getting along.
You need to tell him how you feel about everything.
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