A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I’m a 30 year old gay guy, and three months ago I split with my boyfriend, who is 20, and who I thought was the love of my life.I left him because only a couple of weeks after we began dating, he had a threesome with two girls (he is bi) at his ex-boyfriend’s house, and he also hid an internet blog from me where he kept in contact with these women and posted pictures and comments which were sexual and flirtatious in nature. This last discovery led to a massive argument between us when we’d been together for about three months, and though we stayed together for another four, I didn’t trust him anymore and we often rowed over little things. When we did, he wouldn’t reassure me either, he would ignore me and all my calls, texts and letters. The longest period of this went on a month in itself, and after that, he came back to my house as if nothing had happened, and went crazy when I told him I was going away for the weekend with a male friend.He would also lie to me, or withhold the truth, concerning money – I worked, he didn’t have a job, and I did help him a lot and pay for going out and so on because I was worried about him being short and it didn’t seem fair. But it did hurt when he would then get a bit of money and rather than take me out even to the cinema, he would spend it all on himself and ask me for money again soon after. I loved him and still do, but I ended the relationship because I was too upset after being ignored. I did try afterward to reconcile, sending him a long letter, and e-mails trying to explain how I felt, but he responded that he didn’t want to repair our relationship. Then, I heard from a friend that he is still keeping the blog I found, and he is saying awful horrible things about me. He has written (more than once) posts full of really hateful things, saying that I hit him regularly (he is much bigger and taller than me as well). I did actually hit him once, after I found out about the threesome – I slapped him across the face because I was so upset. I apologised and took full responsibility after but he would always tell me he ‘couldn’t forgive me’ even though I forgave him for having sex with other people and lying. He also claimed that I was ‘delusional’ because after what happened, I would ask him about it if he was going somewhere with a female ‘friend’. He claims that I have ‘screwed him up’ and I don’t know why or how I could possibly have done this when I never set out to hurt him and he seems to have completely blanked out or chosen to disregard the things that led up to me getting upset in the first place. He also claims all the time that he finished with me, when he most definitely did not. Even more confusingly, when he responded to my e-mail asking him to talk, he wasn’t horrible at all, he was pleasant and told me I was lovely, kind etc and that he did not feel that he was in the best place for a relationship, which struck me as quite true, and I accepted this. So why is he telling such awful lies and stories where he thinks I won’t find out? I can’t understand someone who seems to have such a very selective memory, and also an imagination that seems to conjure up things that aren’t even true, and then go telling them to others. I just don’t get this – does anyone know what on earth might be going on here, because I can’t seem to figure it out and it’s very upsetting to have someone I care about and still love do this.
View related questions:
flirt, his ex, money, period, text, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (28 July 2011):
 Drop him like a HOT ROCK! He's TOXIC and you should want NOTHING to do with him. If you have friends in common or something like that... then you need to identify who is on his side, who's on your side and who's neutral. Try to avoid those who are neutral or on his side... or 'educate' them as the the real situation. If they have only known him for a while they'll see the truth as it occurs. Basically though I just say... lick your wounds and move on. I know it's hard to do but you just have to do it.
|
