A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm the kind of girl who always needs to be in a long-term relationship (meaning I'm scared to be alone!). I realize this about myself but don't understand it... why am I like this? Why do I neglect maintaining friendships with others and spend all my time with one boyfriend? I do this, and when we break up I feel so lost... until the next boy. Is it possible for me to be happy while not being with a boyfriend? Every time I'm single it seems nice for a very brief time, but then I feel really desperate, like I need to be with someone, I need that comfort and security... is this natural??? thx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 I used to be like this, you need time alone to re discover yourself. Spend a few months being single and work out that you don't need someone to feel secure.
Remember - you lasted before you started dating and now you can do it again. When you're single you need to know yourself inside out before you go and flirt with someone because you're trying to make them see the real you and if you don't know the real you, what hope have they got. By going form relationship to relationship you are going to make yourself feel even more insecure and unhappy.
Take time out, remember what you enjoyed when you were single and how you dealt with things.
You don't need anyone to be happy lovely.
Take care.
A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (3 July 2007):
 I think this feeling is perfectly natural as everyone wants to feel loved and wanted by someone special.
It is also very important to surround yourself with some close friends, as if you have some close friends i think that they can make you feel the same, i have a couple of close friends and when my husband left me that was my biggest fear 'being on my own' but i soon realised that i was not.
I think you can be happy without having a boyfriend, it's weird at first if you have always had one but i think you get used to it, having time to yourself being able to do what you want when you want and not having to consider anyone else.
Comfort and security can come in many different ways and it does not have to just come from a boyfriend.
Take care.xx.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 July 2007): You need that comfort and security from another person because you don't have it yourself. When you have some guy saying "I love you" and telling you how perfect you are, you are feeling validated, loved and worth something. When you are alone you don't feel these things. That is why you feel so lost and empty when you don't have anyone telling you it.
Is it natural? Well, It is usually a stage that people go through. Teens and 20 somethings can be difficult years as we find our adult identities. I think you are starting to realise that just because guys tell you all the things you want to hear, sooner or later that guy is out of your life like all the others and it has kinda shown that maybe their words aren't really worth as much as you thought they were. True comfort and security comes within, once you've found that you tend to attract partners that are in your life for the long-term who mean what they say and properly commit to you.
You shouldn't feel like there is anything wrong with you, by writing you question you have already begun a journey of change I'm sure. It sounds like you need more you time; time to explore yourself and find out what you really need in your life to feel happy and content... there are things out there; and they aren't guys!
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A
female
reader, catha  +, writes (3 July 2007):
Do you think that you might be trying to replace something? I know this sounds really lame, but what was your childhood like? Is it possible that when you are part of a "couple" you feel "whole"?I certainly think you are going to find you are pretty normal!!!! Obviously it bothers you maybe you would benefit from some professional help, just so you had some tools. One: to understand why you do what you do and Two: to learn to be happy while you are single.Take care and know that there is a way to fix this, it's just a matter of finding the best way for you :-)
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (3 July 2007):
 Hey babe, like you said, your scared to be alone.. the feeling of no one telling you ur beautiful or loving you.. thats what you need and desire but when ur single u dont get that.. hope i helped.. mail me if u wanna talk x x x x
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