A
female
age
30-35,
*eVicious
writes:About back in January, my ex boyfriend that lived 2 hours away dumped me because of the distance and the drive to where I lived..or so he said. We we're together for 3 months, we were so amazing for each other, we had the best of times, and it ended on good terms. I don't hate him and I have nothing against him and respect his wishes. Not too long ago, this past Memorial day weekend, I went to a con and he was also attending it. We made plans to hit each other up and hang out. Not just alone, but with friends too. I missed him so much..it had been 4 months since I saw him and since we last talked in person.We we're partying and hanging out the 4 days of the con, and we we're drunk/buzzing, but both remember everything. We kissed, we hugged, we talked about things between us and of our relationship and we also got intimate and things just happened. He's the best friend that I have ever had and have known each other since May of last year. We met at the same convention center and I fell so hard instantly and he did too. I told him I still wanted to be with him, and that I wasn't interested in anyone who even lived in the same town as me. I feel so good when I'm with him, he makes me feel good and happy, even though we aren't together anymore.We are never awkward around each other and we're both crazy for each other. He told me he's still attracted to me, likes me, misses me, and wishes things could be different and that I lived closer. I was happy to hear that from him, but that's not all. As much as he said all those things, he also told me that he loves being single too, and he said he wasn't interested in anyone else at all and doesn't just want to have sex with girls and isn't looking for anyone better than me either. He just doesn't want a relationship because he doesn't want to have to worry about so much, and being so committed. He's 22 and I'm 20. I know we're still young, and have a lot ahead of ourselves in our lives and in the future, but I feel so alone without him.I feel like he belongs in my life and as much as it hurts to know he can't commit, I still want him..I don't understand why I feel like this. He knows this, and I'm sure it hurts him too. I'm fine being friends, but I always think about him.Before we started dating I had not been with anyone for 2 in a half years. I was used to being single too and I did love it. The only thing I'm trying to do is love being single again and get back on my feet to where I used to be, but also still have a place for him in my heart and keep him as a friend and keep everything cool. We never had any arguments, we never had a bad time around each other, we got intimate fast, but it felt so right. Maybe I am in love? Him and I aren't the type to really say that so much like other couples do, it's another thing I like about us, but is this what love is even if I don't have to say those 3 words all the time?They say that once a girl/guy has broken up with you, that that's the end of it. I don't believe that, and all I can hope for is to try and get myself together, and hopefully move closer to him. I plan and have been planning on moving before we met to a city that's about an hour away for school and for more better job opportunities, but I wonder if that will make much of a difference....I feel like giving up on trying to move closer to him though these past few days...and only move because I want to and for myself.I cried a little during the con alone in my room, and before posting this. I don't know what to do about the way I feel. I hate being so far away from him. I never tried this hard for a guy before. It feels good, but also hurts.I want to talk to him right now. Each day that passes like before I go to bed, I start to cry about it. I hardly have anyone to really talk to this about, I've been usually alone at night, and start to think so much about what happened that I get too emotional. I feel like maybe I was used..I don't know anymore..I'm so confused..and I feel like we had such a great thing during that weekend and once it was over, things went back to like "I'll talk to you later, or hit you up later", which he never really does..he never takes the first step to try talking or hanging out with me again...I can't take this **** anymore...I feel so depressed about this..it's taking over my life.He has no idea how bad I'm feeling right now...I feel heartbroken, even though we broke up back in January and just hooked up for that weekend. I'm scared to say anything about it because I feel like it wouldn't matter..I feel like anything I say or do would never do anything to bring me back closer to him anymore.The other day he told me "Just move on dude.." and I didn't know what to say to that..especially after all that happened.
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 June 2011):
 Ok, there are a few problems here:
1. You only dated for 3 months. Yes you knew him before, but the relationship was very short and it was definitely not long enough to really fall in love with him or decide that he is the one etc.
2. You said yourself, he doesnt make the first move to text you, call you, talk to you, see you etc.....this is the classic male action when he is not interested. Men are very simple - if they are into a girl they will do the chasing. If they are not bothered, or dont like the girl in that way - they wont chase and wont make any effort. So your guy here clearly falls into the latter category - he is not into you.
3. You are trying to stay friends with someone you have very strong feelings for. Are you deliberately trying to hurt yourself? Do you like inflicting pain on yourself?!
Basically - there is one solution to these problems, you are not going to like it but if you want to feel better and stop being depressed about him then you need to do it. NO CONTACT with him EVER AGAIN.
Friends with an ex ONLY works if both parties have decided it is not working and want out, and neither party have feelings for the other any more. In your case, you did not want to break up with him and still have feelings for him. Therefore being friends with him will NEVER work, it will only continue to cause you pain and upset you.
End the friendship = feeling better. Continue to be friends = crying, depressed and sad.
I know you want to be in a place where you are ok again and can have him as a friend, but this simply is not a realistic option. You can want it as much as you like, it is not going to make it happen though. As he said "just move on dude" - he wants you to move on and get over it, so you are going to have to move on. And the only way to do that is to stop being friends.
Send him an email or message saying something like this "You know how I feel about you and I am still struggling to get over the end of our relationship, so I need you to understand that I simply cannot be friends with you and move on at the same time. I am very sorry but I dont want you to text me, call me, email me etc ever again and I will do the same in order to move on. I wish you all the best for the future, take care".
I know you feel like he is meant to be in your life and all that jazz, and cutting contact will be incredibly hard because deep down you are hoping that if you stay friends, and move closer to him, then you will get back together. But he has clearly told you to a) move on and b) he wants to be single. He could not make it much clearer that he doesnt want to be with you unless he literally came out and told you he doesnt like you. You will NEVER get back together, regardless of what you do - he has made it very clear it is over and thats that. So now you need to take control, stop hoping for the impossible and do as he said - move on. Otherwise you will spend all your life conjuring up new ways to get close to him, when all along he doesnt even want you.
Your life will just pass you by unless you stop all this now, there are plenty more guys out there and there is no such thing as "the one" - there will be hundreds, if not thousands of other men in the world who you will get along with just as well, if not better, than this guy. So get rid of him once and for all, cut him out of your life - then give yourself some time to heal, and eventually you will be ready to get back out into the world and find a new guy who is actuallly interested in you and wants to be with you. Dont waste your time pining over a guy who is not even interested - you can do a lot better!
I hope this helps and good luck!
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