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anonymous
writes: i have been married for 5 years and been with my wife for 8 years. During this time life has been good and we have 2 wonderful children. Recently I have found out that my wife has been having an emotional affair with a guy at her work place. This individual has a reputation and this had been going on for 3 months. During this time I felt that something was wrong and when I confronted her, she denied it 3 times and told me to trust her. I looked at the phone bills and she had been in contact with this person every day and even when I was at home. During this time I was between jobs and I knew that nothing physical could have happened. However when we have tried to talk about this subject she doesn't seem to be too willing to tell me why she did this, only that it was an outlet to talk to someone. This person has a reputation of going after married women and I feel hurt that my wife didn't heed to this letch. We are still together but I feel she has some information she is unwilling to tell me. I don't know how to get her to tell me the whole truth including things which may hurt me as I know by doing this is the only way to move forward.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2005): Hi there, Have you ever thought of talking calmly to her and asking her out right if there's something she wants to tell you? You would like to know so you can put it behind you and move on with your lives. If she is doing something, she might be unhappy and also you're unhappy not knowing the whole thing. But one thing is for sure you must love each other to be together in the first place and have children. If this is still true, then there is still hope you get this sorted before anything damaging could happen. Just ask her nicely tell her to tell you the truth that you're not going to kill her or anything, but of course you will be hurt but you need to get it off your chest because not knowing is more damaging then knowing and dealing with something. You might find she hasn't done anything but talk to another man, but you need to know why she can't talk to you instead. Ask her nicely; shouting gets you nowhere but even more unhappy than you already are.I reallly hope things sort themselves out. Ddo something you don't normally do, so she sees you care and what she has already is better than anything else out there. good luck
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reader, star3482 +, writes (9 May 2005):
wow you're surprisingly calm and rational about it - why couldnt she speak to you? you cant force her to talk to you, you'll just have to explain that if you are to forgive her and move on, you will need to speak about it at some point.
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