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anonymous
writes: I'm gay and I found this guy that I really like. I want to date him but my mom thinks that my being gay is a phase... I need some way to convince her that I am old enough, and mature enough to start dating. Please Help Me.kthx Reply to this Question
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reader, Angel-lee +, writes (9 June 2005):
Hello, your mum, isnt fully accepting this at all! from what you have said, she is probably trying to forget about it and by making herself believe that its "only a phase" its making her feel better. You have to understand things from your mum's point of view. Being told that her son/daughter is gay is going to come as quite a shock! even though its not wrong (because everyone is different) its probably not something she wanted to hear. Sit down with her or even write her letter (which is probably a better idea) tell her calmly and nicely that you ARE gay and that it isnt a phase. Dont be harsh about it but be to the point. Tell her that you would like her to accept this, you dont want her sympathy you just want her support. The sooner she accepts this and tells you that she supports you the better. You need to understand that this is a big issue for your mum, she gave birth to you, bought you up and nurtured you and to be told that you are gay is going to be something that may take a little time for her to come to terms with. Dont bring up, fancying another guy with her yet. Give her time to come to terms with it. I know its up to you what you do. But try and have a little sympathy for your mum at this time. See this guy by all means but dont try and push it on to your mum just yet, it will; be hard enough for her to accept this as it is but to introduce a gay friend to her will be to soon at the moment. Give her time and she will come round, remember blood is thicker than water, if this guy likes you too then he will wait for you no matter how long. Give her time but tell her straight that YOU ARE INFACT GAY. So she cant keep convincing herself that its just a a phase and that you will turn straight again! as your mother she deserves to have time to come to terms with this. Good luck xx
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (9 June 2005):
 I think that your mum probably just needs time to adjust to this, it was probably a little of a shock when you announced to her that you were gay, and her way of dealing with it is just to say " yes dear we all go through that phase " Try talking to her again, rather than using shock tactics of suddenly bringing a guy home. Why not date the guy for a while and see how things pan out... and then once you are sure about the situation, speak to your mum again and tell her that you are really keen on this guy and that you would love for her to meet him. Tell her that you would love her support in this and that as shes your mum, you would like her to accept you and who you want to date. Dont go headlong into it, just gradually chat more to her about it and hopefully she will come round.Take care
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