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male
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anonymous
writes: I'm 24 yr old international graduate student and I like a hard working american undergraduate who works in the opposite lab. Of late, we were involved in eye-flirting episode which continued for a month (despite the fact that we'd never talked to each other before).One fine evening, I poked her with the question:"Hey, (her name) are you single".She said "NO"and to my utter surprise she then sternly asked me two questions "how do you know me" and "how does that bother you"?and I said "dont even bother about it" (without looking at her eyes......i must admit I acted like a chicken)_________________________________________I still like her but I've started to realize that my feelings for her are infatuation (also she has a boyfriend). However, I want to apologize to her for my inappropriate behavior (partly to regain my self esteem). How to resolve this issue in a subtle manner?Thanks
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female
reader, Phoebe Halliwell  +, writes (30 May 2006):
 Dear Reader,Maybe she doesn't actually have a boyfriend and is just as scared as you are! Maybe she got scared and was ebjoying the eye-flirting, maybe it was a bit quick for her? Next time you just casually decide to put your head through the door and say hi, apologise for your actions before and introduce yourself to her. She's bound to like you a little more for aoplogising and not acting like an ass with a big Ego-Problem. A conversation could start from there, if it doesn't don't worry. Maybe you could stick to just being friends with the occasional eye-flirting. If it all ends with her boyfriend, you can be there for her. Comfort her, and you might get something out of it to. A relationship built on friendship is sometimes better than one built on attraction. Any Help?Good Luck, All The Best and Blessed Be,Phoebexxx
A
female
reader, UsuallyConfused  +, writes (30 May 2006):
She might have just been having fun with you, enjoying the eye flirting attention. Or maybe she was taken aback by your abruptness and said she had a boyfriend even though she doesn't (I am guilty of that often, expecially when taken by surprise). On the other hand she could have just been having a bad day.
Next time you see her just casually pop your head in, apologise for your abruptness and introduce yourself. She if a conversation starts and if it does take it from there. Who knows maybe your infatutuation will end as quickly as it started after you have a chat to her. Or maybe it will blossom into a great freindship - maybe even more then that. Anyway don't stress she is probably feeling just as embarressed as you!
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A
female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (30 May 2006):
 Ok - not the best way you tried to initiate conversation but she was a bit of a cow about it too.
Anyway, that's my two bobs worth.
But I think that you should wait until she is alone and say "Hi, I just wanted to apologise for blurting out that comment the other week - it was inappropriate and I wanted to apologise, hope perhaps we can become mates".
90% of people will take this very nicely and probably say "no worries" etc.
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