A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i have just split up with my girlfriend because i accused her of cheating. we have been good friends for 4 years, and started seeing each other 4 months ago. i'm in the navy, so that means that i'm away all the time. we have the same group of friends, and we use to see each other mostly on weekends. we didnt have sex for a long period, so that was beginning to make me wonder if anything was going on. plus she was spending a lot of time with my best mate. i accused her of cheating, and she said she wasnt having sex with me because she thought i didnt trust her. the thing is i did trust her, i just let my emotions get the better of me, and lashed out without thinking. i've tried solving everything, but she seems to have none of it. the impression i got was that she would rather spend time with my mates than me, so that also added to me lashing out. is there any way to solve this?
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female
reader, DIE-romantic. +, writes (22 July 2007):
 I agree with AuntyEm to be honest.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (22 July 2007):
 Hey There,
You said you've only been seeing this girl for four months, after knowing her for four years. I am assuming you have only been in a sexual relationship with her for the four months and in all honesty, this is not a long time. If she is giving you reasons to worry after such a short space of time, perhaps she isn't the right girl for you. I am not saying either of you is wrong as there is no way to find out what is really going on here, but if she is refusing to have sex with you and is hanging with your friends while your not around, it doesn't look good.
Maybe she got into the relationship with you because she thought it might work and now she has changed her mind. Sometimes people can only ever be friends (as you both were before)but they cannot be 'involved' She might not know how to tell you so she used your own suspicions against her, to end things.
Unfortunately you are in a job that keeps you apart from any potential girlfriend and requires a massive amount of trust on both sides (check out some of the other questions and answers about long distance relationships, on this site and you will see some of the problems that being apart creates). When there is good trust and real love involved, without suspicion or accusation, or someone acting unreasonably, then the distance thing can work well.
Lashing out at someone and accusing them,(especially a woman) will make them dig in harder and you will never find out the truth. I would put this one down to experience and move on. Eventually you will meet someone who will adore you so much, she will absolutely make it her business to make you feel secure about being away from her and you will have to learn how to read the signs and trust someone.
Good luck
Aunty Em xx
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