A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I really need some help with my problem. Im a 22 year old girl and have just found out I am pregnant. The thing is, I dont know who the father is as I had 2 flings whilst on holiday last month. I know this is quite disgusting so please dont judge me.I had unprotected sex with both men in the space of a week. They are from Britain, like me, but I dont have their phone numbers or even know where abouts they are from. I didnt think I would ever see them again or need to see them again. As well as feeling totally ashamed, Im really scared as well. I havent told anyone yet - how can I? I dont want to go through another termination (I had one 4 years ago) but if I keep the baby Im dreading telling people that I dont know who the father is. My family will be disgusted with me and would probably disown me. Whats worse is telling the baby when its older that I dont know who its dad is - I dont think I could do that. Im scared of tracking the boys down as I know they wont want to know, they are young and it was just a holiday fling. Also, I work full time, I dont have any money and I dont know what help and support I can get on being a single mum. Please help Im going out of my mind with worry.
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male
reader, S.M.W +, writes (17 August 2008):
Hello,
When I was 17, I did the same thing as you...do not be ashamed, there are always good things that come out of bad experiences! I was very ashamed at the time because there was a lot of alcohol involved and I had a couple of drunken flings which resulted in me being pregnant and feeling so alone at the age of 18! I do not know who the father is..as I basically had one night stands with strangers!
I had a termination booked, but then I told my parents, they told me they would help me and be there for me and even raise the child if I felt that I could not...they opened a door for me letting me know that there was another option other than termination. So I kept the baby.
I Am now a 28 year old successful woman with the most gorgeous little 9 year old boy to my name!
I had my son, but I still went to University, I took him with me on my travels around Europe, and now I work full time...after a couple of relationships I am single again but I like it as I do what I want!
It has been so hard and there is more to come I know, but I made the right desicion and I told my son from a very early age that I do not know who his dad is and that is what he has accepted. And we have a great life because when I see people at war over their children, I think there is nothing worse and it can damage them even more!
I hope all went well for you and I would like to know what you did...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 June 2007): Terminate the pregnancy and learn from this. You can have kids when you are older, settled, and know who the father is.Some of these replies are quite worrying. It's certainly not desirable to bring your son or daughter up not knowing who their father is and not only that, but on benefits as well. Sure, you might survive, but that's not the same as living.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 If you've had one termination, then your beliefs suggest that you could have another. As heartless as this is going to sound, I doubt you are ready to be a mother.
The universe tapped you on the shoulder once with your first terminantion...you did not listen. What is it going to take for you to grow up? AIDS?
Terminate the pregnancy. If you have no support, your child is not going to have the support it needs either.
Sorry if this is not more helpful, it sucks that you have to go through this, but given your past, you really knew better.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): I would contact the fathers. The state will make them get dna tests to determine who is the father and then they will have to pay child support. At least that's how it is here in USA..They deserve to know. You don't know that they would rather not know that one of them created a child. But I have to wonder, if you didn't know them and it was just a fling, why you wouldn't have used protection. But that is the man's responsibility as well. So don't go it alone, it is just as much thier doing too. Your family may be shocked, but as your pregnancy progresses, and especially when that baby is born, they will love him/her to death. Trust me on that one. I was terrified to tell my family I was pregnant, and I also had a termination 4 yrs. prior, so I could never do it again. My family hated the guy who is my baby's father, and I wasn't even technically "with" him at the time. I had a different boyfriend of 5 yrs. when I got pregnant. you can get through this..you need support so tell your family.
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Being a single mum can be scary. I don't know from personal experience but my mum was a single mum for a long time. Many women handle it.
The family disowning you thing- most families never react as bad as you think they will. When I told my dad that I'm pregnant I thought he would hit the roof but he didn't. He was just in shock. Your parents may be angry at the situation but I am sure they will support you. You don't know until you tell them.
There is plenty of support out there for single mums, especially when it comes to childcare.
xxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, loppy +, writes (19 June 2007):
I agree being a single mum is scarey. Trust me I am one and i have 4 children. I would advise you to approach your doctor and they will put you in touch with a midwife. I know this sounds scarey too, but she will be able to go through all the options with you. There are plenty of children out there who dont know who their dads are, and many who do and wish they didnt. You can be everything your child needs. There is plenty of help out there for single parent families, and just because you have a child doesnt mean youll have to give up your job. There are plenty of childminders and private nurseries around, dont worry about the cost either, as youll get most of it back from working families tax credits. Dont rush into any dicisions
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