A
female
age
41-50,
*ita
writes:Hello,I am scared and heart broken. Should I stay or go? I've been married 17 years to a man I love. I have issues of jealousy and separation anxiety and I don't know. My husband is a railroader and a union rep which requires traveling away from the home for a couple a days a week. He is constantly working now, I think before that wow I see him too much and wish he would work. He always works its just with the railroad, you can also have a lot of days off. During his days off, he likes to workout and catch up with his friend-male. I am normally not jealous but I don't feel that this person has the best influence on him. This person likes to drink, do drugs and likes to share himself with other women, his wife doesn't care-I guess...I don't know. This friend is cut and fit and married with no children and does steroids. My husband started doing steroids because it made him feel normal, he is 44 and has been doing them off/on for 1 year or so...not sure when it started but he has been working out for 2 years. He is feeling better about himself. As I, do the day to day things that a Mom does with 2 kids, school, activities, laundry...you know. I don't have the flexibility to do what I want when I want. He has a lot of time on his own while I am at work and shuttling the kids around. I am slowly fading away with time and age. He claims to feel like a prisoner because he knows I don't like his friend or am jealous if he wants to go out and have beers with him. I do go out with my friend-female for wine, every once in a while but will be home around 7 or so but he will stay out late and expect me to feel good about this, even though he is at this person house with his wife drinking and what not. He finally had a break down with crying and anger and tells me that he has no feelings, that he feels like a prisoner and he is at a crossroad and whether to stay married or get a divorce. He is at odds with himself and he is angry and mad and just talks and talks about his work and how bad it is. He went to the doctors and they prescribed him some anti-depressant medicine and took blood test which told him that his testosterone level was fine at 375, this is not normal for a 44 year or maybe it is, but it's low. I let him know that there are places that will help with hormone therapy for men and set up an appointment and we set up an appointment for counseling as well. I just cry day and night, at work, but not in front of my youngest who is the sweetest happy boy that makes me laugh. I can't crush his happiness with this problem, but my older one knows and of course thinks we should split, but he has anger towards his dad. I feel like moving out today. Get an apartment and he can have everything. I don't want anything from him. I am independent, work and have survived on my own when I was single and know I can do it again. He wants time, I think it's crap. I am at a crossroad myself...Should I stay or should I go! PITA
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (2 February 2015):
 I'd ask HIM to leave. IF the kids are staying with you it is BEST to keep them in the same environment and schools - that way they don't have to deal with TOO many big changes.
Talk to him about a trial separation. Maybe you both need to take some time away from each other to see what you want.
As for your husband, I think it could be the steroid that are partly to blame for his behavior, but not all of it. He chooses to treat his family like they are "work" and he "needs" a break from you and the kids. THAT, right there is just plain wrong. (in my book). I GET that people want to have a little "me-time" even when married, but he isn't a teenager who needs to run around with "questionable" friends to feel young.
I think YOU need to decide what YOU want. For now SCREW him and what he wants. You have suggested counseling, but my guess is he doesn't "believe" in that.. so what then? Sounds to me like he is forgetting that a FAMILY is more then one person. It seems to be ALL about him and HE has no solutions.
Maybe IF he doesn't want to see a counselor, you should go see one yourself. Crying all day at work isn't productive. Not for your job nor for you.
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