| A
female
,
*ustme29
writes: My hubby and I haven't been married a year yet... The opportunity came up for him to go to Myrtle beach with his friends and he of course with no hesitation, agreed to go with them without discussing it with his wife first. When he asked me if he could go with them (a week before his trip--after he paid them), I told him no, i didnt want him to go.. He started to argue with me and tried to give me reasons why he should go and be with the guys.. After I could see that he really, really wanted to leave, I let him go from Thursday til Monday. Today is Sunday and I had the most miserable memorial day weekend becz all i could think about was what he was doing.. should he have gone? should i have put my foot down and told him not to leave? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (29 May 2006):
 Whilst I agree that he should have at least asked you or made sure you were cool with it before he went in accepting, its his life too and you shouldnt really stop him from doing what he wants. I appreciate you had your reasons for not wanting him to go, I too probably would have been the same or at least a little apprenhensive, but with my partner he does consult me before he accepts inivitations of any kind, more out of respect than anything and we have always been like that, good communication is the key in circumnstances like this. He just checks to make sure we havent anything planned, and even if i dont agree to whats hes up to i respect that he asked me and that hes an idividual to. its all about the right balance. Would you have still been cross if had have consulted you before he accepted ? The fact is you didnt want him to go anyway, so no matter which way he treated it you would have been cross. He probably went steaming in accepting as he knew you wouldnt be happy and thought well im gonna do it anyway! You need to ask yourself why it is your not so happy about it, and maybe try and address the communication thing, tell your husband that whilst your not going to agree to everything he wants to do, a bit of respect in consulting you wouldnt go a miss.
Take care x
A
male
reader, happylife +, writes (29 May 2006):
Tough situation,
I believe that in a marriage couples will every now and then do things that are just so out of character. You can either open a file called "The out of character things my husband will do" and just file this one in that file or you can confront it. However, my definition of marriage is that marriage is a union between to forgivers. If you just file this trip in the "The out of character things my husband will do" folder and forgive and move on I would expect that life will be much smoother than if you were to attempt to fix the out of character behavior. If you decide to confront be prepared for a lot of argument but it probably won't fix anything.
Now, his behavior is an indication that you should be free to do the same in return. If you ever thought that you can not go out with your girls on a trip to Vegas, where "everything that happens there stays there," then your husband has just made it clear that you sure can, plus you don't even have to consult with him before scheduling the trip; you just need to let him know a few days before you leave. If doing this starts a fight that water can not extinguish then at least one lesson will be learned; fighting back does not fix anything.
Good luck,
Happylife
...............................
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (29 May 2006):
 its just my opinion but i think that he should of respected your wishes, in a marriage you put your partner first , and generally dont do things that will cause them misery.
sounds like he wants his cake and eat it , his wife at home and his laddish hols.
maybe he would see more clearly if he tasted his own medicine , arrange a short break with the girls without him and see how quickly he comes round.
...............................
A
male
reader, monkey +, writes (29 May 2006):
hold up. u may be his wife but hes still an individual. you may be the one he loves but your not the only person in his life-he has friends too. it is a little extreme planning going abroard and not telling you. but i think your over reacting. let him hav some fun with his mates.he has married you-doesnt that say something?-he's away for a week or two. he wont be gone forever. why not kick back and relax-perhaps do something with your mates
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): It's not really saying much for your marriage if you havent been attached a year yet, and you cant trust him on a vacation with his friends for a few days. If you trust each other, and love each other as a married couple should then you should be confident that nothing would happen. If you dont, then I would be very worried for the future of your marriage. To have said no to him would have been very controlling...everyone is entitled to some time with their friends, although he should have given you some more forewarning. As I said, if there is trust in your marriage, you have nothing to worry about.
...............................
|
