A
female
age
41-50,
*mb
writes:My husband and I had a fight last night, about a few of his friends. I like them, but I feel like they use him; they're constantly asking him for things and taking from him, without a thank you or any reciprocation. It really bothers me that they don't appreciate what a kind and generous person he is, and they don't ever seem to offer him anything. Last night made me upset because they asked us to go out to a bar to meet them for someone's birthday. An hour after we were there, they asked my husband to drive people somewhere else (not inviting him, mind you - they were going going dancing and they knew my husband wouldn't want to), that's in the opposite direction of us going home. They were upset that he said no. Then the next thing was "at least let me take your bat box so that I can smoke on the way there then", as if because my husband didn't want to go out of his way to drive five drunk people somewhere somehow meant this person was owed something? It really upset me, even more so because my husband at first said no to that as well and then the friend kept badgering him until he said yes. I hate that my husband ends up feeling guilty and giving in in these situations.Also, these friends (they're two brothers) didn't come to the funeral for my husband's grandmother, even though they've known my husband and his family for 16 years, and one of them didn't even come to our wedding, even though he told us he would be and backed out at the last minute. Yet we've given them the courtesy of going to every funeral in their family and were a part of the elder brother's wedding. I'm just so fed up of people taking advantage of my husband without so much as a thank you. He doesn't understand why it bothers me, and when I gave him my reasoning last night, he didn't really dispute anything I was saying... just said that it doesn't bother him, why should it bother me? Am I wrong for feeling this way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2009): Your husband needs to step back and look at the situation objectively. Relationships based on need are not healthy friendships. These needy friends are making your husband feel guilty if he does not bend to their demands.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): You need to stop having resentments on behalf of other people. I didn't read in your post where you'd been directly impacted by your husband's actions. If he's choosing these poeple over you, then you have a right to ask for more attention. If your beef is only about how his freinds treat him, you need to accept his decsions about how he choses to have these relationships- give him the dignitiy to make his own decisions... right up until they DIRECTLY impact you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2009): No your right but you stay out of it alittle and let him get used, he will have to figure it out on his own, or point out to him sometimes. SAY i WOULD NEVER DO THAT TO ANYONE ELSE, say wow they are such good friends sarcasin. My husband and i got sick if people sticking us with bills, and drinks and dinners and we always had the parties and bought everything, finally we both lost our jobs and dumped all the friends because they wanted a free ride and free stuff we could no longer afford but we decided it together and put our wallets away.... Your a team you should act like it. Just tell him its hard for you to watch him be taken advatage of him, but when he does say no to them really give him a good job for it... People are getting really cheap and do use people we are so sick of it.. Look for new couple friends to hang out with we did... Say we are busy, dont have the time, have to go home etc. make excuses together. Say you heard the man he said no, then get out of there fast together.. Dont be used.
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