A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband of 15 years has been masturbating to a picture of someone he met out of state. I found the text message of her in a bikini and discovered that he has been writing to her for over a year. He told her that he imagines that it is her he has sex with instead of me and he masturbates to her several times a week. According to the texts, they have never been physical but they both talk about meeting. He told her he still loves me and that he could never leave his family for her but he wishes they could be together and that he loves her. Please help me. He doesn't know that I know. I don't want to break up our home but it breaks my heart. Do u think he lives her more than me?
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male
reader, eddie85 +, writes (16 April 2011):
 There really isn't any way, from your post to determine if he loves her more than you.
I think you can be proactive about this situation though.
It sounds like your husband is emotionally betraying you. I think its time you have a talk with him and explain to him what you know and it needs to end -- especially if you have children. I know this will be difficult but I think right now, he is picturing himself having both you and stringing along his fantasy girl until she gives him an ultimatum.
Is there something missing from your current relationship? Are you intimate? Do you ignore him? Do you share common values and interests? Sometimes guys stray because they feel neglected (I am not saying what he is doing is right - but it might explain his actions / reasons). There may be work that you can do to lure him back and make him feel wanted.
You may also want to consider talking to a counselor or member of your clergy to see if they can offer advice on how to handle this situation. They may offer a little more of an "intervention" style to help him communicate with you on what is going on and where you stand.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (14 April 2011):
 I wouldn't divorce my husband because he's talking to some woman. He already choose you when he said he would never leave. Yes it hurts... so what will you do? Divorce him, she will love that and I'm sure she'll welcome him with open arms.
It happens. People meet and get attracted to other people, even though they are married. Yep it probably would have turned into something more if you hadn't have found out. Then he would have felt guilty.
He has no intention of leaving you, he lives with you because he loves you, if he loved her then he'd be with her.
Bottom line. Do you want him. If so, then make some noise, throw away her picture, get him to make some promises, then shake up your marriage. If your too hurt, then dump him and get a divorce.
I don't think he's a cheating type, he just met someone and he's thinking with his dick, but sex isn't enough to drag him away from you.
PS: Most men that love, come back quickly. Often these things are about boredom, fear of getting old, and sex rather than love, relationships and building something lasting.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2011): Time to do something about this. Make a stand. He's cheating, he's being totally creepy about it, and you deserve better. Seek legal/marriage council first. I'm sorry sweetie, but it looks like it's time to take out the trash.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 April 2011):
 I wouldn't even call this emotional. He's cheating on you. He's telling her that he'll never leave you, but he's imagining it's her while he's having sex with you and telling her he loves her? YUCK.
He doesn't love her more than you. He doesn't love both of you more than he loves himself. He has already broken up your home with his behavior. He's already shattered your trust and devastated you. I'm so sorry you discovered this.
I'm sure you've been crying, grieving, and being really upset and hurt. I would advise you turn this hurt into anger and cold calculation at this point. You need nerves of steel in order to even have a chance with your husband, and if not him, than happiness itself.
BEFORE you tell him what you know, decide for yourself how you want to proceed. If you want to leave him, get your financial ducks in a row (do this anyways!), make sure you know what to do and make sure there's nothing hidden financially. I'm not saying that you leave him in any rate, but you should be ready for the outcome of the talk that you're about to have.
Then get ready for the talk that will change both of your lives. Whether you want to stay with him, or whether you have had enough of his activities, you need to be strong in telling him what you want, and telling him that you've caught him with his hand in the cookie jar for the last time.
I would also suggest some serious counselling for your marriage. Something has malfunctioned, and I believe you two will need help in repairing it, if you're interested in having that happen.
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