A
female
age
36-40,
*ovely_wife
writes:Hi,my husband and I have been together for 4 years. We recently got married and are very happy together.Before i met my husband i enjoyed my sexual freedom, meaning i had lots of experiences. He was also sexually very active before he met me.We have a great sex life and love each other very much. We are having a strong bond and are best friends. In a relationship I am very monogamous,my husband too, yet is a lot more open to exploring sexual boundaries. Most of the time he has the ideas to try something new and then talks to me about it. In 99% of the cases I am open to try his ideas.2 years ago he opened up to me and told me about his fantasy of seeing me being pleased by a man. First I was rejecting this idea and had felt bad because i thought how can he share me if he loves me. 2 years later (which is enough time to think about it and we talked about it A LOT) i have a different point of view about this idea.We experimented a little bit with it. He gave me a hallpass, i gave him a hallpass and we always had very open communication about it.Sexually we enjoyed the whole thing, but emotionally is was a little stressful i would say. The first time was bad for both of us, the second and third time we actually enjoed it a lot. We were jealous , mad, felt a stronger bond and were super horny for each other- all feelings at once !! How crazy... !Now we took a long break from this and are starting back talking about involving a bull into our bedroom.It turns me totally on to be pleased by 2 men...Does anyone have expereinces with this?I would love to understand more the MAN's point of view. What is it exacty that is so turning you on about seeing your wife being pleased by someone else (and participate in the act)??No matter how your answer is, I am not judging, i am just super curious and love to get an even better understanding of my husbands desire.
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best friend, horny, jealous, sex life Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lovely_wife +, writes (17 December 2012):
Lovely_wife is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo, he is not gay.Please spare your degrading comments.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (17 December 2012):
 My former marriage was an open marriage.
IF the couple involved is mature and neither suffers from jealousy, insecurity or lack of self-esteem... being in "the lifestyle" can enhance an already fun marriage. I know several long term (over 20 years married) couples that are swingers and it works for them.
if you are ok with it
and he is ok with it
then it's ok to do it as long as you both are wise about the choice.
I know for me as a woman when I would watch my husband at parties... it was very exciting because I knew other women could enjoy his mad skills.... maybe your hubby gets excited at the thought of you being pleased.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2012): Is your husband gay? Sounds like a homosexual fantasy.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 December 2012):
I was reading that there are scientists that believe this is actually a form of instinct; the reason it's a common fantasy for men is because for much of human history we were polyamorous (not monogamous) and we lived in small social groups where women were sexually shared because all the men shared the dad role and all the women shared the mom role, so it didn't matter who fathered the baby, it just mattered that a baby was created. This explains why women are multi-orgasmic and men typically lose interest after ejaculating.
Sounds crazy and it doesn't exactly fit into modern society, but it does explain why a man would have this fantasy even if he's madly in love with his woman.
I have to admit, I have the same fantasy with my wife but it'll never go beyond a fantasy as far as I'm concerned.
Don't feel bad about it, if it turns you guys on do it. Women are lucky because they can truly be with two men at once, men can only really take turns.
But, be careful not to lose respect for your husband for not being "man enough". While some men like to feel inadequate it could be a deal breaker for many relationships.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2012): This is a difficult question that will attract polarized answers.
I know of one couple who started visit swingers' clubs earlier this year. They are both young (mid 30s) and attractive, but have been together since their teens so now look to swinging as a means of spicing up their marriage. So far their relationship seems to have coped with the complications these types of activities can cause, e.g. feelings of jealousy and betrayal, but I suspect they may be among the minority.
I've never done it myself, but my wife and I recently had a drunken near miss with another couple who are friends of ours. As in some stuff happened, but we stopped before things went too far and everyone kept their underwear on. In the cold light of day the following morning, we were all glad it hadn't got too out of hand, however turned on we were at the time.
As a man who loves his wife very much, my feelings towards 'sharing' her fluctuate between "Absolutely Not", i.e. a raw, primal possessiveness and territorial hyper-aggression towards any other man who dared look at her, let alone touch her, and "it turns me on but it's better kept just as a fantasy". In the above scenario where we ended up with another couple, I was much more comfortable with my wife having sexual contact with the other woman. While part of me was very turned on by the prospect of giving her to another man, the accompanying pain was acute, which is probably in part the reason why it was so thrilling, yet also the reason it should never happen.
Do what YOU want to do, but keep in mind these sorts of sexual activities can have short-term rewards and long-term consequences.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 December 2012):
 Personally I think as long as you are both comfortable with it and enjoying yourself then nothing else should matter. It is clear that this is a fantasy of your husbands and he will have his reasons. I guess he probably won't even be thinking of the other man or concentrating on what he is doing my guess is that he will be watching your reactions and it will turn him on greatly to watch you getting pleased. A bit of a warning though it can sometimes get a bit to much and cause a great deal of stress in a relationship as sometimes one or both in the relationship start feeling jealous or not good enough and it can cause a lot of problems. So he needs to make sure that this is something that he really wants and also you as well. I think you should ask him any questions you have about why it would turn him on. Communicate about it and see what he has to say.
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